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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Mum at school making me feel crap!

521 replies

VillianInaDress · 16/09/2018 13:55

Hello everyone. I want to start by saying I'm not a nutter but I am very confused about this mum at school and how she makes me feel. I live in a very affluent and pretty village in Derbyshire. DS1 and DS2 go to the local school which is a wonderful place DH has a great job and I run my own little business from home so I am very happy in general. Since school started, there is this mum, and I had heard about her previously but not really seen her. I only saw her this last week or two and I am going to sound so pathetic here but, she makes me feel like crap. Every single time I've seen her since school has started again I've just stared and felt like a right frump in comparison. I thought she was about 25 found out on Friday that she's nearer 40. She doesn't dress inappropriately but her legs and bottom look amazing in just a pair of leggings! WTF? She wears heels every single day, every day! And I've seen her run into the playground wearing these heels!!! Shas 3 kids, one has just started reception and from what I know she is divorced.
She makes everything look so easy. Her kids always look immaculate with best hair and clothes. Oh and packed lunches for all 3 and my DS has told me that she puts notes on little napkins for them and sometimes they even bring in homemade goodies rather then the soggy cheese sandwiches I give to my kids. I've been told she is doing a degree in law AND she's a freakin school governor and she just looks gorgeous every single day!!!! How? And why am I feeling like this?
Most of the other mums say nasty things about her because apparently she's not very friendly and even I see she just brings her 3 DDs and then leaves without talking to anyone. But my DS is friendly with her oldest DD and from what he tells me her DD is really kind and not like other typical 10 /11 year old girls so this mum must be doing something right?
I want to say hello to her because maybe she's lonely? Or maybe I am? To make it worse, DH knew exactly who I was talking about when I mentioned her to hin and he said all the dads at school drool over her which made me wonder if he does too? I've only had 2 children and I am only 29 but I look older then this other mum who has a good 10 years on me. I am normally not like this, why does this mum make me feel so inadequate? She doesn't come across as stuck up, more just not wanting to get involved but then why does she make such an effort to look so good if she doesn't care what others have to say about her? Why does she affect me this way? I now feel paranoid about letting my husband go to the school in case he sees her and thinks how unattractive and lazy I am compared to her AND the heels!

Help!!!!

OP posts:

ButchyRestingFace · 16/09/2018 14:34

WTF!!??!!??! DH has just told me he's had dreams about her.

Tbf, so do you, by the sounds of things.

Do you fancy her, OP?

Isitsixoclockalready · 16/09/2018 14:34

I wonder whether the original post might be a rib....

ilovesooty · 16/09/2018 14:34

Bluntness isn't the one who's being silly.

powerwalk · 16/09/2018 14:35

Super woman!

Marie0 · 16/09/2018 14:36

I don't think this thread is real

straightjeans · 16/09/2018 14:36

Not surprised she doesn't stop to chat if you're all running your mouths behind her back.

Emmageddon · 16/09/2018 14:37

Is this a reverse? Are you the gorgeous mum with a lovely bum who can run in heels and make home-baked treats for your 3 DC, whilst studying for a law degree and shagging your handsome 6ft lover? And you're fed up of the getting the side-eye from the Mean Girls at the schoolgates?

Celticrose · 16/09/2018 14:37

All the dads from the school go to the local pub and they all say how great it would be if their wives made the same effort.
That’s not on her either. That’s their fault for being sexist arseholes. I’d love to see the effort they put into being attractive for their wives*

This
__

WilburIsSomePig · 16/09/2018 14:37

How long before this thread goes up in a puff of smoke?

Frogletmamma · 16/09/2018 14:39

Went away... amazed thread has survived. Calm down!

purplegreen99 · 16/09/2018 14:40

Are these real people? It sounds like someone from Midsummer Murders or the woman who writes Agatha Raisin are struggling with one of their ridiculous plots and posting on here to get ideas.

If real, then you need to do something to boost your confidence, OP, get a social life beyond this small bunch of people and stop obsessing over people and things you can't control.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 16/09/2018 14:40

You know, some people don't actually have to put that much effort into looking great and doing stuff. Some people just have boundless energy and health and can't help but be like that. Some people are also very nice, but because they are blessed with good fortune in these other ways, other people can't help themselves and have to bitch about them.

If she's been there for a while, chances are that she's had her fill of everyone bitching and being envious of her. As a divorcee, she's probably had a lot of unwanted attention from the lecherous married men and the unmarried ones too; and a lot of backbiting from their wives/partners.

She probably IS very lonely and devotes all her time to her children because at least they don't judge her.

Be friends with her if you can do it with an open heart - but don't try and inveigle your way into her life for any other reason.

As for your DH - well it's good that he's honest but yes, I'd keep her away from him - she can do without another married lech drooling over her!

Wheresthel1ght · 16/09/2018 14:40

Seriously people like the op stood gossiping in the playground is the reason I am so glad my work means I am rarely the one to do drop off and pick up.

Seriously, what the hell are you teaching your kids by bitching and sniping about one of the mums? No bloody wonder she doesn't hang around to speak. I am not sure I would want anything to do with any of you either!

I feel very sorry for this other mum, it must be awful to have everyone state and know they are all gossiping about you.

Grow up op. If you are unhappy with your lot then do something about improving it. Stop projecting it onto a woman you know nothing about.

DameDoom · 16/09/2018 14:40

Why don't you be friendly and invite her for a coffee? No need to be jealous - we all have qualities someone else may envy but jealousy is a waste of oxygen.
I have a friend who is a drop-dead, world class beauty. She was a successful and known ( but not super) face in the 80's. Her husband has a great job - lots to envy. She hasn't seen her parents and siblings for over 15 years due to unrest in her own country - chances are, she'll never see them again.
Noone would know to look at her - she appears perfect and other women are quite nasty about her which is a shame as she is one of the kindest, nicest people I have ever met and a complete scream.
I would have never known this had I not made the effort to get to know her.

Beetlegum · 16/09/2018 14:41

One of my friends is stunning, absolutely knock out gorgeous. She has two kids, studies, a beautiful home, lots of trappings of ‘success’. She’s encountered jealously and nastiness from other mums and the school gate. It’s pretty awful, as not one of those mums has taken time to talk to her, and get to know her. If they did, they’d find out that she’s a pretty lovely person too. Her life isn’t perfect, by any means, but boy did she win the genetic lottery. Also winning in their personality stakes. Her treatment by other women is quite unpleasant.
It’s a real shame you don’t try getting know this woman, OP, rather than passing judgement on appearances.
The only thing ‘making’ you feel crap are your own insecurities and jealously. Neither make anyone particularly attractive.

DN4GeekinDerby · 16/09/2018 14:42

I've literally never had a desire to 'have a friendly chat' or otherwise talk with people who stare at me. It has nothing to do with being smug, but I think like many people being stared at makes me anxious and it has never gone well even when I've tried.

As hard as I've known it to be the target of gossip in an insular community (and even harder I would say to be the child of the target, it's such a helpless painful feeling knowing everyone hates and is talking about your parents & there is nothing you can do about it), I'd rather than than voluntarily put myself out there to most likely be hurt under those judgemental stares.

Focus on yourself and what you want from yourself or if you can't do that, think of the hurt you're causing her and her kids by taking part in this obsessive shaming.

jelliebelly · 16/09/2018 14:43

LOL Your dh is clearly winding you up and tbh I'm not surprised - you sound bonkers! And how can she be smug when nobody talks to her? She obviously has her shit together and has got the measure of the bitchy playground mums who aren't worth her time!

Bluntness100 · 16/09/2018 14:44

She probably IS very lonely and devotes all her time to her children because at least they don't judge her.

I doubt it she's got a hunky partner apparently, three kids, is studying law and is a school governor.

Jeezoh · 16/09/2018 14:44

You sound as sour as vinegar, I feel really sorry for her. You’ve never even spoken to her and feel like you know so much about her. Perhaps she doesn’t speak to the other parents because she’s aware how bitter you all are.

eggstoast · 16/09/2018 14:45

Op what kind of answer are you looking for ? Do you want people to agree that she’s deliberately making herself look gorgeous, because she trying to steal all the husbands in the village, and she’s a stuck up unfriendly cow?
If she’s bothering you that much use your jealousy to change your own life for the better, get down the gym and sign up for a course yourself. And then start looking for a better husband, your current one sounds like an insensitive twit.

ElspethFlashman · 16/09/2018 14:46

~makes mental note to read Agatha Raisin~

DotForShort · 16/09/2018 14:46

Good God. If you are serious, please have a word with yourself. You and your friends have been gossiping about this woman, ascribing motivations and attitudes to her (based on nothing at all), criticising her choice of clothing, etc. And then you have the gall to blame her for “making” you feel inadequate.

I am extremely grateful that I don’t live in your village. It sounds like a suffocating and miserable place.

Wishiwasa · 16/09/2018 14:46

@worraLiberty

arethereanyleftatall · 16/09/2018 14:46

Who gives a shit what someone else looks like? How odd. If you want to look like that, eat less.

Namelessinseattle · 16/09/2018 14:47

Aw back when this thread was little hearted I had the perfect poem. Now it’s totally inappropriate but I still like it and am putting it up. It’s by Marianne Williamson

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

My sister in law is like this, but instead of being in awe of her and her shininess I’ve viewed it as an inspiration and endevor to be shiny too.

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