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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Mum at school making me feel crap!

521 replies

VillianInaDress · 16/09/2018 13:55

Hello everyone. I want to start by saying I'm not a nutter but I am very confused about this mum at school and how she makes me feel. I live in a very affluent and pretty village in Derbyshire. DS1 and DS2 go to the local school which is a wonderful place DH has a great job and I run my own little business from home so I am very happy in general. Since school started, there is this mum, and I had heard about her previously but not really seen her. I only saw her this last week or two and I am going to sound so pathetic here but, she makes me feel like crap. Every single time I've seen her since school has started again I've just stared and felt like a right frump in comparison. I thought she was about 25 found out on Friday that she's nearer 40. She doesn't dress inappropriately but her legs and bottom look amazing in just a pair of leggings! WTF? She wears heels every single day, every day! And I've seen her run into the playground wearing these heels!!! Shas 3 kids, one has just started reception and from what I know she is divorced.
She makes everything look so easy. Her kids always look immaculate with best hair and clothes. Oh and packed lunches for all 3 and my DS has told me that she puts notes on little napkins for them and sometimes they even bring in homemade goodies rather then the soggy cheese sandwiches I give to my kids. I've been told she is doing a degree in law AND she's a freakin school governor and she just looks gorgeous every single day!!!! How? And why am I feeling like this?
Most of the other mums say nasty things about her because apparently she's not very friendly and even I see she just brings her 3 DDs and then leaves without talking to anyone. But my DS is friendly with her oldest DD and from what he tells me her DD is really kind and not like other typical 10 /11 year old girls so this mum must be doing something right?
I want to say hello to her because maybe she's lonely? Or maybe I am? To make it worse, DH knew exactly who I was talking about when I mentioned her to hin and he said all the dads at school drool over her which made me wonder if he does too? I've only had 2 children and I am only 29 but I look older then this other mum who has a good 10 years on me. I am normally not like this, why does this mum make me feel so inadequate? She doesn't come across as stuck up, more just not wanting to get involved but then why does she make such an effort to look so good if she doesn't care what others have to say about her? Why does she affect me this way? I now feel paranoid about letting my husband go to the school in case he sees her and thinks how unattractive and lazy I am compared to her AND the heels!

Help!!!!

OP posts:
WilburIsSomePig · 16/09/2018 14:26

My DH is also pissing me off because he doesn't understand how much this is affecting me and he thinks I should just forget it and carry on

Hang on. You're obsessing about a woman you know nothing about, based on her appearance and a bit of playground gossip and he's pissing YOU off? What on earth do you think he should do? This is your issue. Not your husbands and definitely not this poor woman's. Give your head a wobble OP.

charlestonchaplin · 16/09/2018 14:26

Now I feel like a fool, 'cause I thought it was fairly light-hearted.

Bluntness100 · 16/09/2018 14:26

I took the original post to be a bit light-hearted

Read her updates. She's serious.

WorraLiberty · 16/09/2018 14:26

It sounds like you fancy her more than your husband does, OP.

She probably doesn't talk to people at school because she's a busy woman who realises it's perfectly ok to just drop/pick up your kids and leave.

Not everyone sees the school run as a social club.

Bombardier25966 · 16/09/2018 14:27

she does make me feel uncomfortable

You make yourself feel uncomfortable. Stop blaming your issues on some random stranger.

ilovesooty · 16/09/2018 14:27

Have you told your husband you're jealous of the partner she's got as well?

VillianInaDress · 16/09/2018 14:27

WTF!!??!!??! DH has just told me he's had dreams about her. WTF??? And that one of the other dads at school who is married purposely walks his dog passed her house because she's outside alot with her kids playing. How can DH tell me that? He thinks its funny!!!!

OP posts:
ElspethFlashman · 16/09/2018 14:27

She hasnt sailed through life! She's a single parent! For all you know he knocked lumps out of her!

You're being a bit mean now.

WilburIsSomePig · 16/09/2018 14:28

Some people really do just sail through life.

FFS. On what are you basing the notion that she 'sails through life'?

AhoyDelBoy · 16/09/2018 14:28

You sound very odd
Yeppp. This^^

Spudlet · 16/09/2018 14:28

People are staring?! And gossiping about her? No wonder the woman doesn't want to stop and chat - I wouldn't want to stop and have a friendly chat with people staring at me, either. How uncomfortable. I'd be in and out of there, head held high and lipstick on - I never let bullies see that they're intimidating me. And ai certainly don't try to cosy up to them. Perhaps she feels the same.

Your feelings are your business op, stop making them her problem.

WorraLiberty · 16/09/2018 14:29

WTF!!??!!??! REEALLY?? Shock

OMG YOU OK HUN??

HadopelagicZone · 16/09/2018 14:29

Nobody has a perfect life and the older I get the more I realise you can’t make assumptions about anybody. She may give of a vibe of being totally together, being glamorous, having perfect kids etc but you have no idea how she feels about herself or her life.

I have a friend who is incredibly clever, talented in so many areas, looks beautifully put together, is generous, thoughtful, supportive, loyal and kind. I felt intimidated when I was first introduced to her but over the years I can see her for the really lovely person she is. I thought she would be stuck up, look down on me etc. I couldn’t have been more wrong. Maybe take the step of giving her a nice smile and saying hi when you next see her or inviting her for a coffee. She may be very aware of all the gossip surrounding her and might feel quite isolated and lonely.

Bluntness100 · 16/09/2018 14:29

He's winding you up because you're behaving so ludicrously. I suspect he can't quite believe it.

I'm struggling to as well...

WilburIsSomePig · 16/09/2018 14:29

WTF!!??!!??! DH has just told me he's had dreams about her. WTF???

Oh come off it OP. Are you now telling us that you are sitting having a conversation with your DH about this woman, right now, at the same time you're posting on this thread? Really?

BertyFlanter · 16/09/2018 14:30

Oops, pocket posted there 🙈

doodleygirl · 16/09/2018 14:30

Wow, what a nasty piece of work you and your cronies are. A woman who appears to be happy, fulfilled and heaven forbid looks good and you start a post saying how she makes you feel! You must be such an ugly person on the inside.

Try saying hi and smiling, you will look so much better. How on earth do you know if she is smug if you haven't even had a conversation with her.

I had to read your opening post to check I had read correctly - you really need to get a life. You should be cheering this woman on not being such a bitchy person. Shame on you.

ElspethFlashman · 16/09/2018 14:30

Hmmm......

ILoveHumanity · 16/09/2018 14:30

Looool at this thread.

I knew two ladies who were the talk of the town from how amazing they were.

Got close to one of them by chance , and only to find out how much her life is lacking because she cares so much about what people think and addicted to “looking” perfect on the outside. In fact it was almost a mental illness on her side as she was so scared of being judged.

Not sure this lady is like that, but I get yoU.

She could have a cleaner , helper , live with her mum or her mum lives with her.

Don’t compare as circumstances are different

And don’t view yourself from the eyes of men... perhaps her being divorced has a great part in why she has high self esteem. Sexist men make us feel like objects

ilovesooty · 16/09/2018 14:30

So have you told your husband he doesn't measure up to her partner?

Quartz2208 · 16/09/2018 14:31

OP she hasnt sailed through life at all - in fact given how bitchy people are about her and calling her smug I feel for her.

This is YOUR problem and issue not hers.

Although if your DS and DD are friendly and are in Year 6 how on earth have you avoided her

Bluntness100 · 16/09/2018 14:31

Any moment now her husband will be having an affair with this woman, 🤣

Wolfiefan · 16/09/2018 14:32

It’s not fair? You do realise how infantile you sound? You know next to nothing about her life. Just how she appears in public.
Focus on making your own life better and stop being jealous of virtual stangers.

ilovesooty · 16/09/2018 14:33

Any moment now this thread will be pulled because it's outing (ie the OP doesn't like the replies)

Marie0 · 16/09/2018 14:33

Bluntness

stop being so silly and get a sense of humour

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