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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Mum at school making me feel crap!

521 replies

VillianInaDress · 16/09/2018 13:55

Hello everyone. I want to start by saying I'm not a nutter but I am very confused about this mum at school and how she makes me feel. I live in a very affluent and pretty village in Derbyshire. DS1 and DS2 go to the local school which is a wonderful place DH has a great job and I run my own little business from home so I am very happy in general. Since school started, there is this mum, and I had heard about her previously but not really seen her. I only saw her this last week or two and I am going to sound so pathetic here but, she makes me feel like crap. Every single time I've seen her since school has started again I've just stared and felt like a right frump in comparison. I thought she was about 25 found out on Friday that she's nearer 40. She doesn't dress inappropriately but her legs and bottom look amazing in just a pair of leggings! WTF? She wears heels every single day, every day! And I've seen her run into the playground wearing these heels!!! Shas 3 kids, one has just started reception and from what I know she is divorced.
She makes everything look so easy. Her kids always look immaculate with best hair and clothes. Oh and packed lunches for all 3 and my DS has told me that she puts notes on little napkins for them and sometimes they even bring in homemade goodies rather then the soggy cheese sandwiches I give to my kids. I've been told she is doing a degree in law AND she's a freakin school governor and she just looks gorgeous every single day!!!! How? And why am I feeling like this?
Most of the other mums say nasty things about her because apparently she's not very friendly and even I see she just brings her 3 DDs and then leaves without talking to anyone. But my DS is friendly with her oldest DD and from what he tells me her DD is really kind and not like other typical 10 /11 year old girls so this mum must be doing something right?
I want to say hello to her because maybe she's lonely? Or maybe I am? To make it worse, DH knew exactly who I was talking about when I mentioned her to hin and he said all the dads at school drool over her which made me wonder if he does too? I've only had 2 children and I am only 29 but I look older then this other mum who has a good 10 years on me. I am normally not like this, why does this mum make me feel so inadequate? She doesn't come across as stuck up, more just not wanting to get involved but then why does she make such an effort to look so good if she doesn't care what others have to say about her? Why does she affect me this way? I now feel paranoid about letting my husband go to the school in case he sees her and thinks how unattractive and lazy I am compared to her AND the heels!

Help!!!!

OP posts:

Fluffycloudland77 · 16/09/2018 14:17

You will have to marry her. It's the only way.

EnoughAlready999 · 16/09/2018 14:17

Don't be jealous, she's divorced. Most of the glam mums I know are divorced. Beauty doesn't equal happiness. In fact, it probably just makes you more insecure. Better to haggard but happy.

Marie0 · 16/09/2018 14:18

Bluntness

umm no idea why I'd need a saucer of milk! It was a tongue in cheek comment.

I find people like this lady described intriguing - she clearly doesn't give a shit about fitting in - I'm like that, and I like people like that :)

Bluntness100 · 16/09/2018 14:18

And your husband has eyes in his head. He will see loads of other attractive woman every single day, this woman isn't some anomaly.

Rebecca36 · 16/09/2018 14:19

That is quite funny.

I don't blame the woman for just dropping off her children and not socialising with other mothers, considering the amount of unpleasant gossip that goes on in pavement pow wows. I hated that and was very glad when mine was old enough to travel to and fro without me or be dropped off in the car.

Original poster

VillianInaDress · 16/09/2018 14:20

I admit I am jealous of her because she is clearly motivated in life but she seems smug about it and I'm certain from what the other mums have told me she knows that people stare at her and instead of having a friendly chat she just walks straight past. Why? Many of you are right, she does make me feel uncomfortable about how I look and how little I do. I just don't know how to stop this sourness. This is not me usually at all. Her DD has a birthday coming up, I've asked DS if he thinks he'll get invited, perhaps I can put my fears to rest by actually saying hello to her. My DH is also pissing me off because he doesn't understand how much this is affecting me and he thinks I should just forget it and carry on

OP posts:

Bluntness100 · 16/09/2018 14:20

Marie, because saying she slept on four hours a night just so she could make everything perfect is bitchy, as well as somone else who has just posted that the woman is probably unhappy because she's attractive. I mean seriously, ffs.

And I didn't make an effort to fit in at school. I worked and was busy, so would drop and run, if I was hanging about on a rare occasion I'd just talk to whomever was there, but I had zero interest in any of them.

WilburIsSomePig · 16/09/2018 14:20

I don't blame her for not hanging around to chat with other parents. It sounds like all the school vipers do is bitch about her.

Emmageddon · 16/09/2018 14:21

I think you've made a mistake stating your geographical location, OP. Plus all the detail about supermum - if she's on here, she'll recognise herself.

She probably doesn't talk to you other mums because she's aware you're all sneering at her, and she's probably also disgusted by your sexist DH's nights out down the pub drooling over her.

ElspethFlashman · 16/09/2018 14:21

If she's divorced and is a single Mum to 3 kids, her ife ain't easy. Possibly she got involved with the school governers in order to make connections. Certainly if she's going back to college at the age of 40, it means she hasn't had the opportunity to do so before.

I suspect her past few years have been hard, and now she's trying to have a better future.

As for the heels? Some women feel wierd in flats. Don't ask me why! I wear Stan Smiths every non work day, but I do know these heels people exist. Something to do with flatfootedness? I dunno. My aunt was one, and literally couldn't wear shoes without a heel.

EK36 · 16/09/2018 14:22

It's not her fault that you feel this way. Why not join a gym for yourself..to make you feel good again. Get your hair done and buy some outfits that make you feel great. If she were a gorgeous man, I'm sure all you mums would be looking. It's natural to look at beautiful people. It doesn't mean that we want to do anything else though.

FaithInfinity · 16/09/2018 14:22

Comparison is the thief of joy.

You have no real idea what she’s living through. You only know what’s been gossiped about. She could be finding life really tough. Maybe the only way she can face the day is to do her hair and put her heels on? You say she’s a student and she’s divorced, things might be really tight for her financially.

I had a friend who I wasn’t that close to - we had mutual friends. I envied her, she was gorgeous, fun, great sense of style, family were well off. From the outside she looked like she had it all. I got to know her better and found out she had MH issues which really affected her day-to-day life. No-one has it all together. You could always say something about how you admire her style as an ice breaker, get to know her a bit better. She’s probably lovely!

Lucylugs · 16/09/2018 14:23

She might make it look easy but anyone I know who looks like that really puts in the time, money and effort. I had a housemate once who was very insecure so always wore full makeup and was on a diet constantly. Also you don't know that she doesn't have someone like her Mum supporting her and doing the childminding, home baking, packed lunches and napkin notes. Maybe she also tells her daughter she'll never get another husband if she doesn't look amazing.
I think most people have a nice bum and legs in heels and I know you can get very used to wearing them over time. All I'm saying is there will always be people around us who look amazing and make it look easy but there's usually more to it than it appears. Anyway that's what I tell myself when I feel the same at the school gates.

Bluntness100 · 16/09/2018 14:24

How is she smug if you e never even spoken to her? That's mind boggling. And I'm usually perceived as attractive I get stared at, I've no desire to talk to the arseholes who do it, and I have a life, I don't want to be their friend. I don't need to justify myself to them,

I think you're so bogged down in jealousy you're not thinking straight, this woman has done nothing wrong and nothing to you.

ilovesooty · 16/09/2018 14:24

How do you know she "seems smug"?

gamerwidow · 16/09/2018 14:24

I had this. I decided to buy my husband some heels and leggings, and a pen to write lunchbox notes

Original poster

VillianInaDress · 16/09/2018 14:24

EnoughAlready that would be ok but she has a DP and from what I've heard he's over 6ft tall, quite sexy and lovely. It's not fair really is it. Some people really do just sail through life.

OP posts:

charlestonchaplin · 16/09/2018 14:24

I took the original post to be a bit light-hearted. I suggest some of you do the same. OP clearly just wonders how she does it, that's all. She doesn't seem at all bitchy about her.

ElspethFlashman · 16/09/2018 14:25

And christ I wouldn't stop to have a "friendly chat" with a pack of bitchy sour mares either.

What, so they could judge me closer up? Fuck that.

Frogletmamma · 16/09/2018 14:25

I too look gorgeous in leggings... what are the other Mums saying

Xocaraic · 16/09/2018 14:25

It is tough, but you need to stop comparing yourself to others, and in particular this beautiful lady. I know you know this deep down, but the only person you should be competing against is yourself. These comparisons are unfair because you don’t know as much as you think you do about this lady or her life. You have no notion of what it is like to be her. You think her life is somehow better, but it may be 100 times worse than you can even imagine.
People talk, men in pubs gossip. Let them, they may as well be discussing Gisele Bündchen, they know zero about either person’s real life, they see only what the person is willing to share.
Say hello to her, tell her she looks lovely and her children are nice kids (or find some other compliment). You never know, you may be the one good thing to happen to her that day. Wouldn’t you like someone to be a cause of positivity in your day? It’s nice to be nice.
When they go low, we go high.

gamerwidow · 16/09/2018 14:25

My DH is also pissing me off because he doesn't understand how much this is affecting me and he thinks I should just forget it and carry on
You’re DH is right.

gamerwidow · 16/09/2018 14:25

*your

Cloglover · 16/09/2018 14:26

Poor woman! Some people find life easier, some people hit the jackpot with their dna, some people's lives look great from the outside (and I hope that hers is great on the inside too). I can't believe you would be so suspicious/intrigued by someone you don't know and let them effect your own self esteem. I can't believe that the menfolk are so sad as to discuss her on mass and feed it back to their partners. Very sad situation that to make friends she would need to rough herself up a bit or have a slanging match with her kids on the playground!

ShalomJackie · 16/09/2018 14:26

Wow - so now she is smug.

Also why would anyone stop for a friendly chat with people who are staring at her?

And judging her no doubt - like you are! And even worse posting about her on a public forum!

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