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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Mum at school making me feel crap!

521 replies

VillianInaDress · 16/09/2018 13:55

Hello everyone. I want to start by saying I'm not a nutter but I am very confused about this mum at school and how she makes me feel. I live in a very affluent and pretty village in Derbyshire. DS1 and DS2 go to the local school which is a wonderful place DH has a great job and I run my own little business from home so I am very happy in general. Since school started, there is this mum, and I had heard about her previously but not really seen her. I only saw her this last week or two and I am going to sound so pathetic here but, she makes me feel like crap. Every single time I've seen her since school has started again I've just stared and felt like a right frump in comparison. I thought she was about 25 found out on Friday that she's nearer 40. She doesn't dress inappropriately but her legs and bottom look amazing in just a pair of leggings! WTF? She wears heels every single day, every day! And I've seen her run into the playground wearing these heels!!! Shas 3 kids, one has just started reception and from what I know she is divorced.
She makes everything look so easy. Her kids always look immaculate with best hair and clothes. Oh and packed lunches for all 3 and my DS has told me that she puts notes on little napkins for them and sometimes they even bring in homemade goodies rather then the soggy cheese sandwiches I give to my kids. I've been told she is doing a degree in law AND she's a freakin school governor and she just looks gorgeous every single day!!!! How? And why am I feeling like this?
Most of the other mums say nasty things about her because apparently she's not very friendly and even I see she just brings her 3 DDs and then leaves without talking to anyone. But my DS is friendly with her oldest DD and from what he tells me her DD is really kind and not like other typical 10 /11 year old girls so this mum must be doing something right?
I want to say hello to her because maybe she's lonely? Or maybe I am? To make it worse, DH knew exactly who I was talking about when I mentioned her to hin and he said all the dads at school drool over her which made me wonder if he does too? I've only had 2 children and I am only 29 but I look older then this other mum who has a good 10 years on me. I am normally not like this, why does this mum make me feel so inadequate? She doesn't come across as stuck up, more just not wanting to get involved but then why does she make such an effort to look so good if she doesn't care what others have to say about her? Why does she affect me this way? I now feel paranoid about letting my husband go to the school in case he sees her and thinks how unattractive and lazy I am compared to her AND the heels!

Help!!!!

OP posts:
BlancheM · 19/09/2018 22:44

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Evilcountspatula · 19/09/2018 22:59

Right this whole thing is getting more bonkers with every update the OP posts - and excuse my ignorance but what's a sock puppet??

BlancheM · 19/09/2018 23:04

This reply has been deleted

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Evilcountspatula · 19/09/2018 23:24

Ah I see! Thank you 😲

Lifeismorethanamerrygoround · 19/09/2018 23:24

So much hatred

LilyMumsnet · 20/09/2018 09:47

Hi all

Just a reminder to report any concerns to us using the report button (rather than airing them on the thread) - we're always happy to take a look.

itdoesntmatterwhereimfrom · 20/09/2018 09:53

Mumsnet-

Why have you censored Blanche?

I think you need to look into some other posters' history. Worrying.

BlancheM · 20/09/2018 10:39

It's ok, I'll scroll back and report

Yabbers · 20/09/2018 17:48

I write notes on DD’s napkin when she has a packed lunch. It takes seconds. She often has homemade stuff in her lunch box because she has a food intolerance which makes it hard to find little treats for her lunch box. We often bake together at the weekends because it’s easier than trying to find somewhere we can go out to. I am dressed smartly at the school gate because I am on my way to work. I am neither smug, nor perfect, in fact most of the time I’m scraping through this parenting thing by the seat of my pants. If any of this makes someone feel inadequate, without ever having a conversation with them, i’m not going to lose any sleep over it.

MyOtherProfile · 20/09/2018 18:04

I write notes on DD’s napkin
Mine were lucky if they got a scrunched up bit of kitchen roll Grin

Viviolet · 20/09/2018 18:22

Haha if only this was as good as Dickens’ chapter a week. Seriously op, first there’s ‘nothing unpleasant’ about her then she’s ‘smug’. She doesn’t make mindless, jealous tittle tattle with all the other bored housewives and then she ‘gossips’ about you. And suddenly your DH announces his dreams fuelled by her beauty. Maybe next time you should write a plan before you post

overwornout · 20/09/2018 18:34

OP what glitters is not gold.

I'm they type of mum who is always dressed smart for work before school run Hair, make up and medium sized heels and all. I'm not here to brag about my looks but I know I'm not ugly. I'm single too.

My point is, I hate the getting up so early to be ready for the day., I usually admire those mums with their buggies in a pair of jeans and t-shirt on. I admire them because they have time to chat and have coffee at a local cafe. I admire them for sharing school runs with their DHs . I admire the fact that on school events and activities both mum and dad are present for their little ones. I don't. I rush in and out with DD. I don't bother chatting even when I'm having a day off because I don't feel like I fit in. I know things will change when I get a partner but at the moment, I'm working so damn hard to keep my DD at per with other kids and be on top with bills and expenses. Im looking to study to earn more and be a role model to my DD. Sky is the limit and all that sh*. I don't show off, I'm in my shoes and comfortable but unhappy with an overload of everything.

Say hi to the mum, she probably needs a friend.

Benjaminbuttonschild · 20/09/2018 19:43

I am so confused...

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 21/09/2018 09:03

I don't think it's fair to castigate the OP because she's feeling guilty now. Some people do feel the need to right any wrongs they've done people, even if the people concerned aren't really aware of it.

It is part of the low self-confidence issue, I think - you can't bear for people to think badly of you so you'd do anything to change that.

I don't think there's anything wrong in the OP wanting to say hello to this woman and be nice to her - we could all do with more niceness in the world! - but she does have to be prepared to take a knock-back without it damaging her self-confidence any further.

VillianInaDress · 21/09/2018 10:11

Some people on here are pathetic and lack any kind of empathy. Some of you downright bullies and while this is entertainment to some for me it is my life and I'm trying to make it better. DH didn't speak to me about her at all in the past because be knew it was a sore point and frankly he didn't give a shit. Some of you people are horrid and your words can have a very negative impact on someone in a very bad place. Should be called MumsJudge. Back to your perfect lives some of you go.

OP posts:
giveyourselfashiny3 · 21/09/2018 10:16

What a hypocrite?!

You judged this other woman right.......from the offset and purely from her looks.

Idiot.

VillianInaDress · 21/09/2018 10:19

Yes I did but I recognise that and I'm trying to rectify it. How does it make certain idiots feel better to then ridicule that effort. Pathetic

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 21/09/2018 10:22

Gosh, are you really attacking all the posters and calling rhem pathetic, idiots, lacking empathy, horrid, and best of all that they can have a negative impact on someone?

Not really? Not considering rhe subject matter you're not, are you? 😱

SheCameFromGreeceSheHadaThirst · 21/09/2018 10:44

Some of you people are horrid and your words can have a very negative impact on someone in a very bad place. Should be called MumsJudge. Back to your perfect lives some of you go

Grin

This thread truly is the gift that keeps on giving.

Sunflowerr · 21/09/2018 10:59

Oh, the irony.

Mildmanneredmum · 21/09/2018 11:07

Nameless, I like that!

BlancheM · 21/09/2018 11:25

You're joking, surely?!

TeddybearBaby · 21/09/2018 11:36

@VillianInaDress don’t bother trying to rectify anything 😊. This woman could have been anyone or anything. She was just the catalyst for you to work on yourself and be her best version of yourself. Don’t engage in bullying with the other mums. Maybe smile or say hello but forget about her and start focusing on you and improving your self esteem. AIBU turns into lynching at times, don’t let it bother you!

SoupDragon · 21/09/2018 12:11

DH didn't speak to me about her at all in the past because be knew it was a sore point and frankly he didn't give a shit.

Didn’t give a shit apart from saying that “all the dads drool over her” and you think he “defintley takes an interest in her.” Oh, and “he's had dreams about her.”

Viviolet · 21/09/2018 15:38

That’s right he knew she was sore point to you before you spoke to him about her and when you did he decided to say that he had dreams about her.
Please post some more, satisfying my need for shitty soaps