Mum at school making me feel crap!

[VillianInaDress]

Hello everyone. I want to start by saying I'm not a nutter but I am very confused about this mum at school and how she makes me feel. I live in a very affluent and pretty village in Derbyshire. DS1 and DS2 go to the local school which is a wonderful place DH has a great job and I run my own little business from home so I am very happy in general. Since school started, there is this mum, and I had heard about her previously but not really seen her. I only saw her this last week or two and I am going to sound so pathetic here but, she makes me feel like crap. Every single time I've seen her since school has started again I've just stared and felt like a right frump in comparison. I thought she was about 25 found out on Friday that she's nearer 40. She doesn't dress inappropriately but her legs and bottom look amazing in just a pair of leggings! WTF? She wears heels every single day, every day! And I've seen her run into the playground wearing these heels!!! Shas 3 kids, one has just started reception and from what I know she is divorced.
She makes everything look so easy. Her kids always look immaculate with best hair and clothes. Oh and packed lunches for all 3 and my DS has told me that she puts notes on little napkins for them and sometimes they even bring in homemade goodies rather then the soggy cheese sandwiches I give to my kids. I've been told she is doing a degree in law AND she's a freakin school governor and she just looks gorgeous every single day!!!! How? And why am I feeling like this?
Most of the other mums say nasty things about her because apparently she's not very friendly and even I see she just brings her 3 DDs and then leaves without talking to anyone. But my DS is friendly with her oldest DD and from what he tells me her DD is really kind and not like other typical 10 /11 year old girls so this mum must be doing something right?
I want to say hello to her because maybe she's lonely? Or maybe I am? To make it worse, DH knew exactly who I was talking about when I mentioned her to hin and he said all the dads at school drool over her which made me wonder if he does too? I've only had 2 children and I am only 29 but I look older then this other mum who has a good 10 years on me. I am normally not like this, why does this mum make me feel so inadequate? She doesn't come across as stuck up, more just not wanting to get involved but then why does she make such an effort to look so good if she doesn't care what others have to say about her? Why does she affect me this way? I now feel paranoid about letting my husband go to the school in case he sees her and thinks how unattractive and lazy I am compared to her AND the heels!

Help!!!!

"But her life is shit, or made to be shit- by school gate mums gossiping and dirty pervs down the pub...none have bothered to go talk to her, to me that’s shitty.."

Talk about dramatic! It's a giant reach to decide her life is shitty based on school gate gossip.

Is it dramatic? To me it’s a group of frumps bullying a woman oh believe me the woman will be aware, and why quote me? Nothing else to do

"To me it’s a group of frumps bullying a woman oh believe me the woman will be aware, and why quote me? Nothing else to do"

Aren't you charming. A bunch of frumps. What a strange and insecure assumption to make.

"why quote me? Nothing else to do"

That's right, absolutely nothing to do. So I'll quote you again.

@Benandhollysmum I quoted you because your post stood out as being particularly ridiculous 👍

Wow, I feel sorry for the lady being bitched on just because she dresses well.

Please OP understand that she's not obliged to be your friend just because your kids go to the same school. so if she decides not to accept your Olive branch just move on.

I had a flatmate who at first glance I assumed was full of confidence about everything and would find me a bit frumpy. She was thin, spent Saturday having her hair dyed, bought expensive clothes etc. But when I got to know her she had just the same insecurities as everyone else, there wasn't a bitchy bone in her body. I had judged her on appearance. We all do ir, it's a shortcut. But in situations like this it's best to take a step back and judge people for who they really are.

And on the glamour thing I am with my mum. Some people are more glamorous than us and sometimes you look at them a little wistfully, and that's fine. But you are fine as you are. Some people are glamorous, that's fine. We don't all have to be but we still accept them. People are just different.

Funnily enough I thought of this thread yesterday. There is a girl at my gym (I've only just joined) who stands out massively. She is bleached blond, very tanned, fabulous figure and works out a lot. When I first saw her on my first morning, I thought oh gawd, one to avoid - probably because I felt a bit intimidated and assumed all the men would be leering at her - yesterday I thought about this conversation and made a deliberate attempt to smile and say hello to her. Maybe she feels the same as the other lovely looking posters on here, maybe she doesn't and is completely happy but just in case...

I haven't read the majority of the replies but my first thought was this thread must be a wind-up.

Then I realised it's not. How an someone you don't even know make you feel inadequate? Op it sounds like you have some issues with yourself to work out. I couldn't a stuff what the mums at the school gate think of me. Wouldn't occur to me to hone in on one school mum and start obsessing about her through

She might be a bitch, in which case, just go about your day and try to stop obsessing about her.

Conversely, she might be lovely, in which case you can either attempt to get to know her or just live and let live.

Those are really your only options.

However, I would be telling your husband to stop going on about her. There's no need for that.

Any way im at school now so i will start by saying hello.

Great, how did it go?

My dd has a friend with a beautiful glamorous mum who is very kind but isn't part of the friendshipsin the playground. I make a point of saying hello and sometimes tell her she looks fab and I don't know how she does it. Life isn't a competition thankfully.

The strangest thing happened this morning, the school mum that spent from my dd's reception year until Yr3 spreading gossip about me, pointing at me and laughing with her gang of followers, smiled at me. I was shocked, afraid I just looked at her blankly and looked away. I can not become friendly with her, would prefer it if she kept her distance tbh.

@rightknockered

Are you from Derbyshire? 😲😲😲😉

I am actually flabbergasted.

The woman has been through a divorce for god knows what reason, is making sure her kids are well and happy and God forbid making an effort with herself... And this is the reaction?? Group bitching and unease??

Sweet Jesus op. Get a grip, a life, whatever you need to do not to perpetuate this kind of shittiness.

itdoesntmatter, I am originally 🤣😂

OP

Did you point at the lady today and smile at her only for her to stare across you blankly .. her kid in yr 3?

I think this might turn into reconciliation thread lol

@rightknockered you carry on shagging your 6ft hunk and running in heels. Me and the rest of the frumps aren't the least bit jealous.

Yours sincerely

Schoolgate Mum
Affluent Village
Derbyshire

@rightknockered, is this your two-fingered salute to the reddit thread about you?

I'm sure it's not about you right fgs

Ha. Definitely don't wear heels everyday. Plus my current beau is 5ft 10. And I'd forgotten all about that lovely thread. That was madness

Oh someone share the link for the reddit thread....please

Pahahahahaha!

Just found it- hilarious.

Yes. Thanks for that.

Feels so familiar, being stalked and shit

Maybe you've bought it on yourself...you do come across a little conceited