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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Mum at school making me feel crap!

521 replies

VillianInaDress · 16/09/2018 13:55

Hello everyone. I want to start by saying I'm not a nutter but I am very confused about this mum at school and how she makes me feel. I live in a very affluent and pretty village in Derbyshire. DS1 and DS2 go to the local school which is a wonderful place DH has a great job and I run my own little business from home so I am very happy in general. Since school started, there is this mum, and I had heard about her previously but not really seen her. I only saw her this last week or two and I am going to sound so pathetic here but, she makes me feel like crap. Every single time I've seen her since school has started again I've just stared and felt like a right frump in comparison. I thought she was about 25 found out on Friday that she's nearer 40. She doesn't dress inappropriately but her legs and bottom look amazing in just a pair of leggings! WTF? She wears heels every single day, every day! And I've seen her run into the playground wearing these heels!!! Shas 3 kids, one has just started reception and from what I know she is divorced.
She makes everything look so easy. Her kids always look immaculate with best hair and clothes. Oh and packed lunches for all 3 and my DS has told me that she puts notes on little napkins for them and sometimes they even bring in homemade goodies rather then the soggy cheese sandwiches I give to my kids. I've been told she is doing a degree in law AND she's a freakin school governor and she just looks gorgeous every single day!!!! How? And why am I feeling like this?
Most of the other mums say nasty things about her because apparently she's not very friendly and even I see she just brings her 3 DDs and then leaves without talking to anyone. But my DS is friendly with her oldest DD and from what he tells me her DD is really kind and not like other typical 10 /11 year old girls so this mum must be doing something right?
I want to say hello to her because maybe she's lonely? Or maybe I am? To make it worse, DH knew exactly who I was talking about when I mentioned her to hin and he said all the dads at school drool over her which made me wonder if he does too? I've only had 2 children and I am only 29 but I look older then this other mum who has a good 10 years on me. I am normally not like this, why does this mum make me feel so inadequate? She doesn't come across as stuck up, more just not wanting to get involved but then why does she make such an effort to look so good if she doesn't care what others have to say about her? Why does she affect me this way? I now feel paranoid about letting my husband go to the school in case he sees her and thinks how unattractive and lazy I am compared to her AND the heels!

Help!!!!

OP posts:
itdoesntmatterwhereimfrom · 19/09/2018 18:12

**bigheaded

rightknockered · 19/09/2018 18:18

Sigh. That crap again

rightknockered · 19/09/2018 18:19

Shoo. Away with you

itdoesntmatterwhereimfrom · 19/09/2018 18:24

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Babyg1995 · 19/09/2018 18:25

Oh op I do sympathise. I was once very unorganized went through hell with ex Dp I looked like shit always running late ect then I got rid of his sorry ass and well sometimes I don't recognize the person in the mirror I sorted my whole house out dcs rooms expecialy joined a gym only bought healthy food and really started making an effort with everything I feel amazing 3 years on but I did lose friends they suddenly tane a dislike to me because I had improved my life in every way safe to say I have new friends and an Amazing fiance if your unhappy with yourself then change don't hate on others.

Wolfiefan · 19/09/2018 18:26

I’m confused. Reddit? About right or OP?
I couldn’t give a shit how gorgeous you all are or not. Just wish people would be nice or be quiet. Confused

itdoesntmatterwhereimfrom · 19/09/2018 18:32

No not about OP, I think she just needs a confidence boost and some decent friends.

Rightknockered seems to be very hard done by caused by her fabulous good looks 🙄

marylou1977 · 19/09/2018 18:32

Google the song “Harper Valley PTA””. It speaks to this situation.

I am jealous of no one or nothing. Well, maybe a little about people with great organizational skills. I have always felt other peoples’ Lights shining doesn’t diminish my own. There is room for everyone. These other mothers at the gates are feeding your discontent. Try to make new friends, start new hobbies. When you are happy within, you can be happy for someone else.

rightknockered · 19/09/2018 18:35

This reply has been deleted

This post references a deleted post. Talk Guidelines.

rightknockered · 19/09/2018 18:36

itdoesntmatterbecausei'mapratt needs to learn some manners instead of coming on me for her days worth of cyber bullying.

Wolfiefan · 19/09/2018 18:38

And we wonder why some of our kids have a hard time at school. And why some parents were dreading the back to school school run. Sad

itdoesntmatterwhereimfrom · 19/09/2018 18:53

What's that famous Carly Simon called again......?

🙄

itdoesntmatterwhereimfrom · 19/09/2018 18:53

**song

VillianInaDress · 19/09/2018 18:53

I haven't seen her at all this week. I spoke to DH again last night and tried to explain more about this whole situation. He actually told me he used to be friends with her ex hubby and they split up because he had an affair and as spon as she found out she ended it. DH still sees her ex hubby around professionally who says he regrets the affair and wants her back but she's never going to agree. Her youngest DC was only 1 when it happened. I didn't fucking know that she's had so much shit to deal with and then on top of that all of this bullying from people that should have been kinder. I am so ashamed of myself. But really if you saw her she looks so on the ball, all the time. You just see her whizz past in her really, really nice car and all perfect. DH says there are dads in their circle that have been told to not even make eye contact with her and are forbidden from even saying hello. How the fuck have we come to this?! My DS says her oldest DD is one of the most helpful and kind girls he's ever known. I just feel so ashamed 😥😥

OP posts:
wizzywig · 19/09/2018 18:55

She looks great as she doesn't have a husband

wizzywig · 19/09/2018 18:56

That'll teach me not to read the whole thread

VillianInaDress · 19/09/2018 19:00

DH has said sorry again for not realising how low I was feeling and for the comment about dreaming about her. He says he just can't understand how I can feel so threatened by a total stranger who doesn't even say hello to anyone never mind actually flirting with anyones DH. He's offered to work with me on my confidence. I just feel like I need to do something to right the wrong with this lady. She really has been through so much. Just a year ago someone wrote her a terrible letter regarding her DC and delivered it to her, when I go passed her house now I notice that she has CCTV.
Ladies please help me to make this better and I will NEVER make another person feel the way I have this other mum. Netmums may well have saved my sanity

OP posts:
Blackness78 · 19/09/2018 19:01

OP. There is a lady that I work with who is like this; she is absolutely beautiful and is also doing a degree, plus she has three children. The thing is, I expected her to be a real bi*ch, because, you know, women can't be beautiful AND intelligent, can they?

But she is one of the kindest people I know, and a delight to work with.

Let her shine as bright as she wants, because blowing out her candle won't make yours shine brighter. Corny, but true Smile

VillianInaDress · 19/09/2018 19:04

Wizzy she has a DP who is absolutely gorgeous and clealry a lovely guy. I've seen him at the park with them all and he's very, very easy on the eye but clealry only focuses on her and DC but he's very polite from what I've seen, helping total strangers kids with balls and getting them down from climbing frame if stuck and mum is busy on her phone etc. Before him she was married, still looked fucking amazing even then.

OP posts:
NotnotnowSatan · 19/09/2018 19:09

I'm glad you've decided to grow away from toxic feelings OP, try to look at yourself more positively. We don't all look the same, and there are different definitions of beauty.

SheCameFromGreeceSheHadaThirst · 19/09/2018 19:23

I spoke to DH again last night and tried to explain more about this whole situation. He actually told me he used to be friends with her ex hubby and they split up because he had an affair and as spon as she found out she ended it

How on earth did your DH neglect to divulge that salient detail? He tells you what all the dads say about her in the pub, he tells you he's had dreams about her, but forgets to mention that he used to be friends with her ex, still sees him around, and knows all about the affair and his doomed attempts to get back together with her? Given that he knows how insecure she makes you feel, I'm baffled that he's kept all this to himself Confused

Just a year ago someone wrote her a terrible letter regarding her DC and delivered it to her

How awful. How did you find out about that?

SheCameFromGreeceSheHadaThirst · 19/09/2018 19:31

Actually, the more I think about it, the weirder it gets with your DH ~ did he used to be friends with her ex back when you lived in Somerset? Or only in the 3 years since you moved to Derbyshire? And they work in the same field now?

Dreams about her, secret friendship with her exH, intimate knowledge of ex's affair & reconciliation attempts ... it's all a bit fishy! Shock

NotnotnowSatan · 19/09/2018 19:52

That is all a bit weird. It's like a badly written soap

Blackness78 · 19/09/2018 19:58

Ménage à trois?

SheCameFromGreeceSheHadaThirst · 19/09/2018 20:00

That is all a bit weird. It's like a badly written soap

I think OP's DH is going to pull off his latex mask and it turns out that he was the exH all along, and he's moved the family back to Derbyshire from Somerset in an attempt to reconcile with the ex-wife he cheated on because he's riven with jealousy now that she's got 6ft, gorgeous, helpful-in-the-park chappie making her happier than he ever could ... {cue 'Eastenders'-style "doof doofs"]

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