how to exit toxic work situation gracefully?

[buttheydo]

Really feeling weird and blindsided by work situation. Am a little embarrassed to share with too many real-life people so hoping for a perception check here?

I am a lawyer working for a charity. Been working at this place for nearly five years. It's chaotic but well-resourced so as long as I can "manage" my chaotic boss it's a place where I can do a lot of good work for clients (public welfare law).

There is a loooot of turnover due to chaotic manager. In early spring of this year a senior person left and I took over all of her cases (in a niche/specialist area). No hand-over or orientation and the cases were in a bit of a mess but I've handled it (patting self on back). Predecessor left because workload was impossible.

I have once or twice had to talk to my boss about capacity but it's shut down and once she even said, "You're refusing to do work." I tried to have an informal chat with our CEO but he just said my boss was "trying to help me". That's when my job search began.

Back in June I was assigned an urgent case with an impossible deadline. There was literally no way to get it to the court in time. I suggested submitting it late with an explanation for the delay but I was just shot down. I suggested a certain shortcut (doing something myself and cutting out a contractor) and put that suggestion in an email (having an instinct to cover my arse), and then managed to submit the bundle at court in time (you're welcome).

After that I did try and have a talk with another manager about how unsafe it was to work that way and could we perhaps get a better system in place (which we have).

Things were actually going well for the last few months, and then I got an amazing job at an amazing firm. I accepted, and then came back in from a long weekend and asked to see my boss to have the bittersweet "thanks and I'm leaving" conversation. The new job is due to start in December so a nice long hand-over.

Was ambushed by an aggressive meeting with boss when I returned from leave. Evidently the rush case in June has blown up because contractor was mad that we did a shortcut and cut him out. It's absolutely my fault because I didn't check with anyone. (I pointed out that I'd run that shortcut by boss but it's still all my fault.)

The meeting was padded out with other criticisms like, "While you were away we got a notice of adjournment but there was no information on why you requested an adjournment!" I said, "I'm sure I put something in the casenotes," and she said, "Well yeah, further down in the casenotes, I had to look for it!"

In another file she found evidence that I hadn't submitted to the court for an appeal. I had a file note saying "this evidence not submitted to court because X" but evidently she didn't believe my note? So she "had to" spend three hours searching my emails to confirm that the evidence really didn't need to be at court. When I gently pointed out that she could have saved herself the trouble by just ringing me (I'd said I was available by phone) she explained that was an outrageous suggestion. (The case is absolutely fine.)

There were also some technical billing things that she hadn't told me about before, yet she said she had. I took the line of, "I don't see that you've told me about this before but okay, let me know what the steps are ..."

It ended with her saying I was no longer allowed to work on these niche cases and I had to take over other work. So then I said thanks for the feedback and I had a new job and my last day would be mid-December.

She's now taken personal leave for at least the next week. The other supervisor has sheepishly asked me to continue working on niche cases (no one else can do them).

My question/dilemma: how to sail through these last three months? The irrational behaviour of boss has really creeped me out and it does not feel like a safe/honest/normal place anymore. I fear that I am going to get set up/scapegoated for things and my reputation will take a hit. It is actually hard to think and function.

Options:

1. Attempt again to have conversation with CEO about bullying? And request gardening leave for the last few weeks of job?

1. Not bother with wimpy CEO and just tell them I've changed my mind and am giving my thirty-day contractual notice? And let them suffer? (And live off savings for the month or so I'll be unemployed?) An advantage is that I could do some very high profile volunteer work during that unemployed period that would help my career.

1. Other option?

I know some people would say "grievance!" "constructive dismissal!" "Employment Tribunal!" but this is a small field and I want to be seen to sail happily into a new job rather than be seen to leave my current job under a cloud.

I am also considering taking sick leave for a week as I am frankly really struggling psychologically with all this weirdness. But I am worried for my reputation.

Help?

I'd go off with 'stress' after drafting very detailed handover notes (to cover my arse in case of legal 'revenge' action). You owe the ungrateful baggage nothing.

would give 30 days contractual notice in writing. I would warn new employer that old employer is very upset you are leaving and offer alternative references in case of anything sinister

^^this

Also vote for option 2 here. Your situation is actually professionally quite dangerous, as they will happily throw you under a bus if it suits them. Document EVERYTHING!

Also, you could just fill the gap with temp works it wouldn’t be as much, but it would keep you afloat in the gap.

How are you doing, OP?

If you're worried about being skint, it's worth writing to all your utilities, mortgage co etc and seeing if you can move the date of your monthly direct debit payment till AFTER new pay day. Most will let you do this once every now and then, but it will enormously help your cash flow if you can send a month's payments out after first pay day from New Job.
Also there are heaps of tips on MN for frugal living.

Sounds like you should leave asap. Raising a grievance would be pointless at this stage. Can you get other personal references so you don't need to rely on your employer?

Thanks everyone for all the support. I had yesterday off and got my head straight.

Came in today with cakes, as suggested. Management are being super nice to me. I am still documenting everything and covering my ass, but the one weird person has backed right off.

I appreciate all of the creative ideas and encouragement to jump ship early, but I've actually decided to stay through December. It's not a good time to be without income (I'm renting and house-hunting), and being unemployed or under-employed is just not good for me mental health wise.

I have however had a lovely Mumsnetter contact me about some potential free-lance work which is interesting and exciting. :)

There is a volunteer opportunity in the first two weeks of December and I'm going to ask for time off for that. (If they say no I'll move my end date to 30th Nov--ha!)

Thanks again, I am doing a lot better with feeling calm and confident, detached from the nuttiness.

Brilliant OP - sounds like a plan!

Great update, OP - love it.

Oh and for those of you asking about references: new job hasn't asked me for any! New director has probably just asked around about me. It's a pretty small field and we all 'know' one another.

For those of you still interested in the saga:the last remaining senior lawyer on the team gave notice yesterday. She's only giving one month notice. Like me she's taking the line of 'Wow so sad to leave but this amazing opportunity just fell in my lap." So that's all three senior lawyers who have quit this year, leaving only the trainees who were hired a few months ago. Thanking my lucky stars that I am getting out! Although I am feeling really bad for the trainees, who are looking shell-shocked.

Gosh! Well done you for getting out. That speaks volumes and means everyone in your field will know it’s an organisational issue.

This is in my watch thread list - I love an update - thanks OP! Keep counting the days down.

Well if the CEO is worth his pay check he'll do something about your boss now. But I wouldn't hold my breath. He'd probably rather get someone else in than deal with her.

After having trouble sleeping and eating for the last couple of weeks, I had eight hours of sleep last night and am enjoying some cheese on toast at the cafe round the corner from office. I've decided that I and other leavers will be blamed for anything and everything and people will know the score, so no point worrying. . I am just really concerned for all our clients. I think the responsible thing to do would be to admit we haven't capacity and pass the cases to other providers. Sooner rather than later as deadlines and appeals are coming up. Management is just in 'It'll be fine it'll be fine' mode, and honestly I feel like any 'helpful suggestion' I make at this point would just bring a bunch of crap on me.

Really glad you have a new job OP.

There's no reason why lawyers can't join a union by the way and I would suggest that everyone regardless of profession, joins one. You never know when you might need their support.

Well done op, I hope you enjoy your new job I am flabberghasted that they consider you a 'senior lawyer' on 22k a year It was definitely time to move on anyway.

I'm not a lawyer but i do work in the charity sector, and this sounds very familiar. So many charities are doing amazing work despite being poorly run and managed. There seems to be a tenancy to over-promote bullies who then drive out all the kind and competent people who work amazingly hard to keep the place going and keep providing for the service users because generally these charities exsist to serve people who have literally no where else to turn.
I have had jobs i adored, doing work that desperately needed doing but had to leave them because one or two managers were making it impossible to keep going.

Good luck with it OP. Hope new places are paying you more.

Another vote for option 2 without a doubt. Once you left could you possibly do some temping for a month to bring in some money?

Option 2, with whatever leave you can manage!

30 day notice and ask the new job if they want you to start earlier.

Having RTFT I think you've got the solution exactly right, OP. Don't feel like you're being a pushover or need to "fight" the injustice in some way as in many sectors (especially small ones which go on word of mouth) it's a total own goal and can be spun, as in the case of your colleague who 'departed for mental health reasons'.

Also, I was in a situation like yours - workload unmanageable, management unwilling (and unable, given budgets) to listen. The best piece of advice I got given was by my line manager, who said 'nobody is irreplaceable.' It was harsh at the time, but actually quite helpful. I could walk out of my job knowing that the aftermath was someone else's issue, that I didn't need the validation which comes from the aftermath to know that something was fundamentally wrong with the job and that bad workplaces slowly rearrange themselves to cope. In my case - as I transferred to another role in the same organisation - I got my validation anyway by seeing my organisation hire 4 people over the next 2 years to replace me.

I think the responsible thing to do would be to admit we haven't capacity and pass the cases to other providers

You're right of course, but that would require integrity and it doesn't sound as if the current management have any

No surprise the other senior lawyers are getting out; if they have any sense the trainees will do the same and leave the trustees to whine among themselves