how to exit toxic work situation gracefully?

[buttheydo]

Really feeling weird and blindsided by work situation. Am a little embarrassed to share with too many real-life people so hoping for a perception check here?

I am a lawyer working for a charity. Been working at this place for nearly five years. It's chaotic but well-resourced so as long as I can "manage" my chaotic boss it's a place where I can do a lot of good work for clients (public welfare law).

There is a loooot of turnover due to chaotic manager. In early spring of this year a senior person left and I took over all of her cases (in a niche/specialist area). No hand-over or orientation and the cases were in a bit of a mess but I've handled it (patting self on back). Predecessor left because workload was impossible.

I have once or twice had to talk to my boss about capacity but it's shut down and once she even said, "You're refusing to do work." I tried to have an informal chat with our CEO but he just said my boss was "trying to help me". That's when my job search began.

Back in June I was assigned an urgent case with an impossible deadline. There was literally no way to get it to the court in time. I suggested submitting it late with an explanation for the delay but I was just shot down. I suggested a certain shortcut (doing something myself and cutting out a contractor) and put that suggestion in an email (having an instinct to cover my arse), and then managed to submit the bundle at court in time (you're welcome).

After that I did try and have a talk with another manager about how unsafe it was to work that way and could we perhaps get a better system in place (which we have).

Things were actually going well for the last few months, and then I got an amazing job at an amazing firm. I accepted, and then came back in from a long weekend and asked to see my boss to have the bittersweet "thanks and I'm leaving" conversation. The new job is due to start in December so a nice long hand-over.

Was ambushed by an aggressive meeting with boss when I returned from leave. Evidently the rush case in June has blown up because contractor was mad that we did a shortcut and cut him out. It's absolutely my fault because I didn't check with anyone. (I pointed out that I'd run that shortcut by boss but it's still all my fault.)

The meeting was padded out with other criticisms like, "While you were away we got a notice of adjournment but there was no information on why you requested an adjournment!" I said, "I'm sure I put something in the casenotes," and she said, "Well yeah, further down in the casenotes, I had to look for it!"

In another file she found evidence that I hadn't submitted to the court for an appeal. I had a file note saying "this evidence not submitted to court because X" but evidently she didn't believe my note? So she "had to" spend three hours searching my emails to confirm that the evidence really didn't need to be at court. When I gently pointed out that she could have saved herself the trouble by just ringing me (I'd said I was available by phone) she explained that was an outrageous suggestion. (The case is absolutely fine.)

There were also some technical billing things that she hadn't told me about before, yet she said she had. I took the line of, "I don't see that you've told me about this before but okay, let me know what the steps are ..."

It ended with her saying I was no longer allowed to work on these niche cases and I had to take over other work. So then I said thanks for the feedback and I had a new job and my last day would be mid-December.

She's now taken personal leave for at least the next week. The other supervisor has sheepishly asked me to continue working on niche cases (no one else can do them).

My question/dilemma: how to sail through these last three months? The irrational behaviour of boss has really creeped me out and it does not feel like a safe/honest/normal place anymore. I fear that I am going to get set up/scapegoated for things and my reputation will take a hit. It is actually hard to think and function.

Options:

1. Attempt again to have conversation with CEO about bullying? And request gardening leave for the last few weeks of job?

1. Not bother with wimpy CEO and just tell them I've changed my mind and am giving my thirty-day contractual notice? And let them suffer? (And live off savings for the month or so I'll be unemployed?) An advantage is that I could do some very high profile volunteer work during that unemployed period that would help my career.

1. Other option?

I know some people would say "grievance!" "constructive dismissal!" "Employment Tribunal!" but this is a small field and I want to be seen to sail happily into a new job rather than be seen to leave my current job under a cloud.

I am also considering taking sick leave for a week as I am frankly really struggling psychologically with all this weirdness. But I am worried for my reputation.

Help?

What EarlyModernParent said. Your dedication is admirable but this is now an exercise in protecting yourself - which must come first. The organisation has already demonstrated, more than once, that it will throw you under the bus quite happily if the occasion suits.

Provide the evidence and follow it up in writing. You must deal with the CEO and lay it out quite clearly - the mixed messages, criticisms and then reversals in management requests - and explain that this must be dealt with by the CEO and that you need written confirmation of this.

If he can't make a decision then I would ask for gardening leave and advise that the lack of written direction from him gives you no choice because it leaves you wide-open to future "interpretations" by your manager once you've left.

If anyone asks, you want to have a break between old and nw job and take the opportunity for high profile volunteering.

Keep it all positive. No moaning, whinging or emails on what is wrong with the boss/company.

Make it all about positive new you now.

Why don't you ask for PILON (if your contract allows) and potentially a settlement agreement (they may be sufficiently worried about an ET, even if you aren't going to go down that route)?

I'd give the 30 days too, and would sign on with some temp agencies to tide you over.

I’d take the time too. Give them their 30 days. It’s going to give your head the rest it needs and get mentally prepared. You might not think this has impacted you too much but it can hit you once you’ve left a toxic environment. Take the 2 months, do something you enjoy even if that means the volunteer work. Using Savings is justified in these cases imo. Preventative maintenance for your body! Good luck x

Option 2, get out of there. Cut down your costs for that month in advance (go nowhere apart from voluntary work, do nothing extra-curricular - it's only a month or two, you'll survive).

Gardening leave if u can get it, option two if not

Completely agree with sunflowersforever, keep it positive but get the hell out!

Go for the 30 days.

Obviously volunteering is a great idea, but if you're worried that it will decimate your savings having that length of time off, could you do some locum work instead so at least you'd be earning something? Or is your area too niche?

I would approach the CEO and ensure everything is documented. Only to protect yourself. Not with the expectation that anything will change.

The next couple of months will be hard. I would attempt to work another month and then hand in your notice. You might need to be there to defend your reputation. If it gets bad then you can take sick leave.

The CEO will defend the manager as he knows you are leaving. He obviously isn't willing to take the manager through any competency process. Document your concerns and forward the emails to an external account so you can defend your reputation in the future if needed. Especially if it's a small industry.

Have you any holidays accrued?

2 but with arse covering emails with examples of your boss and their weird behaviour.

30 days' notice, since you can afford it. You've done enough!

omg, I'd give the 30 days notice.

They are impossible to work for. Blamers.

30 days.Well done for having escape plan. No need to deal with the impossible. Volunteer work sounds excellent option.

I think there isprobably not much point in talking it through with CEO as they will have the boss left after you have gone so will still have to make it work with tehn if tehy havent the capacity to deal with it now.....
I woudl give the 30days notice and leave quietly ....possibly exit session with ceo - see what you think at the end...
the chances are boss will slag you off to all and sundry anyway so make sure other supervisor or someone has your handover /case plans...

It is absolutely not worth making a fuss, it never achieves anything. Get out ASAP whilst saying as little as possible, and preserve your reputation.

I would go with option 2.
Congratulations on your new position, very well done ! 🍾

Option 2 is definitely what I would do. Let yourself have a good rest before you start your new job. Let them panick trying to get soneone to cover your old role. I've seen how stressful, taking an employer to court can be. It's entirely up to you. I think it's stressful and drags on for a long time (up to a year). Also it may reflect badly on you. Other employers may be hestitent to employ you because of it. It shouldnt happen but it does occur in some places.

Option 2.

I wonder if her sudden personal leave is because she is overwhelmed herself and realised that now you are leaving, she is screwed because the buck will stop with her?

Has your current place provided your reference yet?

I’m a solicitor in a niche area too. I get the need to preserve reputation.

I would go option 2, and thank my lucky stars I had the foresight to continue to look for jobs even when it seemed to get ‘better’ for a few months.

Serve the 30 days, if you are lucky, your boss will be on sick leave for some of this time.

I agree with the poster above - cakes for the staff room, big email to the office thanking them all for everything on your last day - the works. Ask for a handover plan - if you do it now you might be able to ask the other manager as yours is on leave. Then sick to the letter of it and maybe email a final file note/case note to the other manager when you leave.....as a precaution against it being said you didn’t do them (or didn’t put the info in them).

Then use those savings (that is exactly why they are there!) have a real break between jobs, volunteer, go see some elderly family members (that we get a bit busy to see usually), or take some young family members out for a special day.get to the gym or out running, and get in the best physical and mental health you can to start to new job.

It won’t be wasted. At the end of your career you’ll look back and think this was the best thing you ever did.

And good luck!

30 days notice. Take the financial hit. Get the hell away from there.

You will live off your savings for a couple of months - not ideal, granted, but a hell of a lot better than a ruined reputation which could conceivably affect your new job. Don't spend money going out - you won't have a commute to pay for and eat as cheap as you can for that time. It will also give you the chance to repair before you start your new job.

Sick note from GP for a few weeks then hand in your notice---that should help with the savings being used

There is no legal reason why they would give you gardening leave andneven if they did it would merely be for a contractual notice period. I would just give them contractual notice and go then.

If you raise a grievance the likelihood is that wimpy ceo will back boss because she is staying. Boss is then likely to start/up their campaign against you.

So either stick it out as long as you can pr give the 30 days notice. Head down, ignore boss as much as possible and document every thing you do/decision to cover yourself as you have been. I may even keep copies, pics on phone if you think they may disappear.