how to exit toxic work situation gracefully?

[buttheydo]

Really feeling weird and blindsided by work situation. Am a little embarrassed to share with too many real-life people so hoping for a perception check here?

I am a lawyer working for a charity. Been working at this place for nearly five years. It's chaotic but well-resourced so as long as I can "manage" my chaotic boss it's a place where I can do a lot of good work for clients (public welfare law).

There is a loooot of turnover due to chaotic manager. In early spring of this year a senior person left and I took over all of her cases (in a niche/specialist area). No hand-over or orientation and the cases were in a bit of a mess but I've handled it (patting self on back). Predecessor left because workload was impossible.

I have once or twice had to talk to my boss about capacity but it's shut down and once she even said, "You're refusing to do work." I tried to have an informal chat with our CEO but he just said my boss was "trying to help me". That's when my job search began.

Back in June I was assigned an urgent case with an impossible deadline. There was literally no way to get it to the court in time. I suggested submitting it late with an explanation for the delay but I was just shot down. I suggested a certain shortcut (doing something myself and cutting out a contractor) and put that suggestion in an email (having an instinct to cover my arse), and then managed to submit the bundle at court in time (you're welcome).

After that I did try and have a talk with another manager about how unsafe it was to work that way and could we perhaps get a better system in place (which we have).

Things were actually going well for the last few months, and then I got an amazing job at an amazing firm. I accepted, and then came back in from a long weekend and asked to see my boss to have the bittersweet "thanks and I'm leaving" conversation. The new job is due to start in December so a nice long hand-over.

Was ambushed by an aggressive meeting with boss when I returned from leave. Evidently the rush case in June has blown up because contractor was mad that we did a shortcut and cut him out. It's absolutely my fault because I didn't check with anyone. (I pointed out that I'd run that shortcut by boss but it's still all my fault.)

The meeting was padded out with other criticisms like, "While you were away we got a notice of adjournment but there was no information on why you requested an adjournment!" I said, "I'm sure I put something in the casenotes," and she said, "Well yeah, further down in the casenotes, I had to look for it!"

In another file she found evidence that I hadn't submitted to the court for an appeal. I had a file note saying "this evidence not submitted to court because X" but evidently she didn't believe my note? So she "had to" spend three hours searching my emails to confirm that the evidence really didn't need to be at court. When I gently pointed out that she could have saved herself the trouble by just ringing me (I'd said I was available by phone) she explained that was an outrageous suggestion. (The case is absolutely fine.)

There were also some technical billing things that she hadn't told me about before, yet she said she had. I took the line of, "I don't see that you've told me about this before but okay, let me know what the steps are ..."

It ended with her saying I was no longer allowed to work on these niche cases and I had to take over other work. So then I said thanks for the feedback and I had a new job and my last day would be mid-December.

She's now taken personal leave for at least the next week. The other supervisor has sheepishly asked me to continue working on niche cases (no one else can do them).

My question/dilemma: how to sail through these last three months? The irrational behaviour of boss has really creeped me out and it does not feel like a safe/honest/normal place anymore. I fear that I am going to get set up/scapegoated for things and my reputation will take a hit. It is actually hard to think and function.

Options:

1. Attempt again to have conversation with CEO about bullying? And request gardening leave for the last few weeks of job?

1. Not bother with wimpy CEO and just tell them I've changed my mind and am giving my thirty-day contractual notice? And let them suffer? (And live off savings for the month or so I'll be unemployed?) An advantage is that I could do some very high profile volunteer work during that unemployed period that would help my career.

1. Other option?

I know some people would say "grievance!" "constructive dismissal!" "Employment Tribunal!" but this is a small field and I want to be seen to sail happily into a new job rather than be seen to leave my current job under a cloud.

I am also considering taking sick leave for a week as I am frankly really struggling psychologically with all this weirdness. But I am worried for my reputation.

Help?

@buttheydo
Then imagine the little sunglasses and blunt appearing on my face while the Snoop Dog music starts up. "Dadadada..."

I LOVE THIS...hold onto this feeling/image!

if you are a trained lawyer you could earn more freelancing and doing writing/law report work for a legal publisher and have a lot less stress. It could be something to tide you over

I’m a lawyer too and £22k isn’t right for a job where you are working unsupervised on high risk cases.

I earn more than that doing something similar and I’m underpaid by around 50% in market terms!

I’d go for option b though. But in my current job (which is littered with problems) I’ll probably end up taking option d and walking out without any notice....

Hi OP, ex-lawyer here! I left a job mainly for family reasons but there was workplace bullying going on. I left as soon as I could regardless of the money situation because I think your mental health must come first. You don’t want to start a new job stressed and burnt out from the current job. Definitely option 2! And take any holiday owed too. I think you benefit from having some time in between jobs to reflect and also do what you want to do. I had 6 months! Good luck with it all.

Have a really good look at your budget and see what you can reduce temporarily- warn people now Christmas will be frugal, enquire about a temporary mortgage payment holiday if you own, see if you can suspend things e.g. lots of things will do ‘breaks’ in subscriptions rather than lose you as a customer altogether e.g. Audible etc, haggle with Sky/broadband etc.Calculate how your commuting costs will go down if you’re not at work, and so on. It might not be as bad as you think!

I hope your next job is amazing.

Hi op, Trustee of national charity here, option 2 without a doubt but please please write in confidence to the trustees via the Chair. Trustees are ultimately responsible for the running of the charity and have delegated day to day running to the CEO, if nobody tells them there is a problem it could go undetected until the wheels fall off.
Serve out your thirty days notice and please inform the trustees that the whole set up has become dysfunctional, give examples of the CEO's ineffectual behaviour and the bullying, let them know you are leaving because of bullying and make yourself available for a face to face meeting if you can.
Good luck in the new job and enjoy the volunteering or waitressing and some much needed downtime.

£22k?

@buttheydo
I could make as much doing some waitressing for a couple months.

Do this! Or temping? They say a change is as good as a rest. The headmistress from my primary school, after she retired, spent 6 months waitressing and loved the change, the social aspect and the lack of responsibility.

Yeah 22K

Thank you Scaredcrow. I have in fact considered going to the trustees. I genuinely fear repercussions though. A person who left last year tried to be very forthright (in a kind way) about the management problems and how it was affecting his work and mental health--and now the message has been mutated to "X left because of mental health problems".

I hope that trustees will notice the high turnover under this particular manager and start asking why we're all "voting with our feet". As someone mentioned above, I did try raising it earlier but got nowhere. Now it's their problem.

I'd do the 30 days and the volunteer stuff

Thank you, OP.

Best of luck with the transition. Just think, this time next year you’ll be settled in your amazing new job and this will be a distant memory.

22k?
That's crazy!
Bus drivers get that up north (double it if you live in the south!) and it's still stressful but not on the same scale!
(My brother is one!)

I would consider writing to the trustees after you've started in your new role.

Oh, ok, I was actually thinking that 3 months is quite readily survivable once you know you're in the position of definitely leaving on a set date and working somewhere much better. It seems that's not shared though.

I do get the point on reputation, it applies in my field too, however if they decide to try and blame you for everything that's ever gone wrong ever they will do that if you leave in 3 days, 30 days, or 90 days. I think most people take such attempts to blame former employees for problems with a hefty pinch of salt, so personally I wouldn't make my decision making on that basis.

Having been in a not dissimilar position, I focused on my exit date and what was waiting for me on the other side of it, and then put my energies into clearing my case load and leaving behind a detailed set of handover notes. As well as making sure I had documented everything necessary to cover myself.

Combined with being generally unflappable, breezy, and cheerful, doing leaving cakes etc. It's much easier not to let this petty nonsense get to you once you know you'll be out of it soon - it puts it back into perspective.

I think the key to surviving situations like this is finding ways to feel in control: the fact you're leaving is one, as is the fact it's on your terms and you call the shots about it, as is any decision you make not to care about your boss's attempts to break your confidence, being able to rise above it all, etc.

But if you don't feel that's viable or right for you - which I can see may be the case as apparently my view on this is not really shared by anyone else here - then absolutely do what is right for you, jump after 30 days if you're happier with the pros/cons of that vs the others. You need to act in your own best interests if nobody else will, and you shouldn't feel bad for doing so.

I would make sure you do detailed case notes on each file and send copies to the ceo and keep a copy before you leave. Just in case they try and pin something on you when you leave.

I'd probably stick it out if it's going to leave you in financial difficulty. What about starting new job sooner?

BTW OP I haven’t checked to see if anyone else has said this already but I noted you were worried about the new job falling through - you should never hand your notice in at an old job before getting the paperwork in writing for the new job and signing the contract !!! Just a warning ...

And yes, document everything that goes on up until you leave. Maybe keep a daily incident diary or somesuch. Just in case.

Another vote for option 2! Don’t be bullied into negotiations to stay longer, you tried asking for help, they ignored you, you owe them nothing.

Let us know how it goes! Are you telling them tomorrow?

I genuinely fear repercussions though

In view of what happened with the employee you've just mentioned I don't blame you; in fact what they might do in retaliation had occurred to me too

At all costs I'd get away from this toxic mess asap, and if that means gong sick (something I'd normally never suggest) then so be it. Money issues come and go but a reputation lasts and the charity clearly feel no obligation to care about yours ... or their own, for that matter

Not sure I’d lie about reason for giving 30 days now instead for the offered 3 months.

I’d be very sparing with information actually. Polite, professional but closed, vs actively covering up for her!

Managing your reputation doesn’t mean polishing hers too, even if you are too nervous to actively destroy hers by speaking the truth.

Thanks again. X

Oh and Jenny, thanks for your concern and you are absolutely right. I have the written job offer with specified terms, and I have accepted (and relied on it by giving notice). So we have offer, acceptance, consideration, and privity, all the elements of a contract. That'll be £500 please. My clerk will send you the bill. Xxx lulz

OP, for a lawyer it surprises me that you rely on face to face conversations so much? I am not in the legal field, but surely if you can see you have an incompetent boss the lie of the land, you'd be taking every opportunity to cover your own back by leaving a paper trail of everything you've done or discussed?

You don't owe the current one an explanation in your formal resignation letter of why you are leaving. Just keep it short and to the point.

Good luck in your new job

Haven’t read all five pages, but do the 30 days and get out. If it’s going to skint you completely, maybe some pressure-free remote work via people per hour or similar until the nww role starts? Might help keep the wolf from the door.

Glad to hear it OP!!

My relative in a similar situation was sweetness and light to nightmare boss. Stuck it out, protected their team, got out. Upon which those team members each had a turn in the firing line, sought out relative and got lots of advice and support. So relative's reputation in the niche is enhanced by many and maligned only by one.
So yes, be a love to everyone else until you go, they will appreciate it.