how to exit toxic work situation gracefully?

[buttheydo]

Really feeling weird and blindsided by work situation. Am a little embarrassed to share with too many real-life people so hoping for a perception check here?

I am a lawyer working for a charity. Been working at this place for nearly five years. It's chaotic but well-resourced so as long as I can "manage" my chaotic boss it's a place where I can do a lot of good work for clients (public welfare law).

There is a loooot of turnover due to chaotic manager. In early spring of this year a senior person left and I took over all of her cases (in a niche/specialist area). No hand-over or orientation and the cases were in a bit of a mess but I've handled it (patting self on back). Predecessor left because workload was impossible.

I have once or twice had to talk to my boss about capacity but it's shut down and once she even said, "You're refusing to do work." I tried to have an informal chat with our CEO but he just said my boss was "trying to help me". That's when my job search began.

Back in June I was assigned an urgent case with an impossible deadline. There was literally no way to get it to the court in time. I suggested submitting it late with an explanation for the delay but I was just shot down. I suggested a certain shortcut (doing something myself and cutting out a contractor) and put that suggestion in an email (having an instinct to cover my arse), and then managed to submit the bundle at court in time (you're welcome).

After that I did try and have a talk with another manager about how unsafe it was to work that way and could we perhaps get a better system in place (which we have).

Things were actually going well for the last few months, and then I got an amazing job at an amazing firm. I accepted, and then came back in from a long weekend and asked to see my boss to have the bittersweet "thanks and I'm leaving" conversation. The new job is due to start in December so a nice long hand-over.

Was ambushed by an aggressive meeting with boss when I returned from leave. Evidently the rush case in June has blown up because contractor was mad that we did a shortcut and cut him out. It's absolutely my fault because I didn't check with anyone. (I pointed out that I'd run that shortcut by boss but it's still all my fault.)

The meeting was padded out with other criticisms like, "While you were away we got a notice of adjournment but there was no information on why you requested an adjournment!" I said, "I'm sure I put something in the casenotes," and she said, "Well yeah, further down in the casenotes, I had to look for it!"

In another file she found evidence that I hadn't submitted to the court for an appeal. I had a file note saying "this evidence not submitted to court because X" but evidently she didn't believe my note? So she "had to" spend three hours searching my emails to confirm that the evidence really didn't need to be at court. When I gently pointed out that she could have saved herself the trouble by just ringing me (I'd said I was available by phone) she explained that was an outrageous suggestion. (The case is absolutely fine.)

There were also some technical billing things that she hadn't told me about before, yet she said she had. I took the line of, "I don't see that you've told me about this before but okay, let me know what the steps are ..."

It ended with her saying I was no longer allowed to work on these niche cases and I had to take over other work. So then I said thanks for the feedback and I had a new job and my last day would be mid-December.

She's now taken personal leave for at least the next week. The other supervisor has sheepishly asked me to continue working on niche cases (no one else can do them).

My question/dilemma: how to sail through these last three months? The irrational behaviour of boss has really creeped me out and it does not feel like a safe/honest/normal place anymore. I fear that I am going to get set up/scapegoated for things and my reputation will take a hit. It is actually hard to think and function.

Options:

1. Attempt again to have conversation with CEO about bullying? And request gardening leave for the last few weeks of job?

1. Not bother with wimpy CEO and just tell them I've changed my mind and am giving my thirty-day contractual notice? And let them suffer? (And live off savings for the month or so I'll be unemployed?) An advantage is that I could do some very high profile volunteer work during that unemployed period that would help my career.

1. Other option?

I know some people would say "grievance!" "constructive dismissal!" "Employment Tribunal!" but this is a small field and I want to be seen to sail happily into a new job rather than be seen to leave my current job under a cloud.

I am also considering taking sick leave for a week as I am frankly really struggling psychologically with all this weirdness. But I am worried for my reputation.

Help?

I would sound them out on Option 1 and if you don’t get a satisfactory response then hit them with Option 2.

1. You are brilliant at your job wherever you work. Shines out on MN, so it will in spades IRL.
2. You're leaving. Insane old boss doesn't matter.
3. You're leaving. You think she does because she's bullying you.
4. You're leaving. Do an email on the last day covering your arse as well as any exit interview. Smile madly in exit interview, while not praising boss.
5. You're leaving. Detach. Detach. Detach.

Just do the 30 days notice and run! Even if it means getting into debt temporarily. It really is worth it. I would even be tempted to take sick leave during those 30 days if I felt that the situation was in danger of getting out of hand.

I speak from experience: I had a boss who sounds just like this. I left as quickly as I could and, having seen colleagues get bullied by this woman and become more and more harrassed and ill throughout the process, it was completely the right decision.

There is nothing to be gained from engaging; your instincts are right when you say that you will get the blame for everything from here on in and it could damage your reputation.

Honestly, it is worth getting into a small amount of debt to get out of this toxic situation. Also, you are unlikely to have the opportunity to do this level of voluntary work again, so if you think it will be career-enhancing then you might want to think of it as an investment. It would certainly give you another recent reference.

Agree with PP who say that sick leave is a bad idea (although I've mentioned it above).

Would HR be amenable to being involved in your handover process over the next 30 days? You could mention privately to them that you are concerned, and also suggest that it would be a good idea to ensure a smooth handover and to make sure that you're covering all the right bases... etc etc.

FFS, just give them your contractual 30 days and go!

Option 2.

No hesitation.

Have a week in the sun and do some volunteer work.

Also option 2 here.

Have you written detailed notes on the meeting? Was there a witness? This is just so that further down the line you can cover yourself.

Smile and wave is best tactic.

Anyone who's worked there will know what she's like.

I've been in this situation before with a difficult boss and stitch-ups. Cover your arse til you're blue in the face. Don't confront or bring it up with anyone except maybe CEO on last day. You never know, they may one day find the balls to sack your boss.

Sweetness and light, nothing's wrong. Just want a change. Love everyone here! So enjoyed working here! Will miss you all! Sad face.

Given your reputation is important and I cant see them giving you Gardening leave (why should they?) Option 2 is the best way out and you can do some volunteering work

I'm glad you seem to have made a decision - I would definitely go with 30 days notice and consider contract work to cover the gap, but only if you really feel you need to.
I would also talk to the CEO and explain in blunt terms WHY you are taking this option.
And I would not, EVER, be alone in the room with your supervisor again as who knows what other bollocks she will concoct against you. She must KNOW that this is at least half her responsibility, but she's not going to accept any blame for it, so you must guard your own back yourself against her.

I would also do the 30 days notice and view it as an investment in both your career and your health. Tell them that an amazing short-term opportunity has cropped up , and you want to maximise your experience in this particular field before your new role begins.

It might be worth letting new HR know that your present employer has been left in an awkward position with your line manager going on an indefinite leave period once you gave verbal notice, and so have other references available.

If you are told to work on niche cases while working out your notice, I would want specific instructions in writing from your acting line manager to cover your back.

Give 30 days notice in writing. Don't tell them where you are going (you don't have to). Job done.

I've done similar (not law but IT) they wanted big discussions, almost bullying, but I just put a countdown app on my phone and looked at it when I got down and counted the days!

Option 2. If you can, stick your home on airbnb and spend the two months in Bali or somewhere cheap.

But also cover your arse as far as possible.

Also, your idea to offer to be available earlier to do shadowing/ initial training at national HQ is a good one, shows that you are keen and want to hit the ground running.

If you chose the 30 day option , could you do some temping in the meantime?

Thank you, thank you.

Some of these posts have made me cry, you lovely nerds.

This volunteering project is a big high-profile deal and so I could easily say something like, "Wow, an opportunity has come up to do [volunteer thing] before I start my new job and I'm afraid it's a once in a lifetime opportunity, too great to pass up! So actually I'm going to give thirty days' notice, starting from today. I have an outline for an exit/handover plan, here it is, see what you think. I am so grateful for all the opportunities here, will miss everyone sooooo much, here are some cakes!"

Then imagine the little sunglasses and blunt appearing on my face while the Snoop Dog music starts up. "Dadadada..."

Yes, do that Op.

I have a great belief that everything happens for a reason. Situations that seem awful at the time are pushing you in another direction. Do the volunteer thing for a couple of months if that's where you feel you are being directed. It could be a game changer....

Good luck!

No, you have to put your concerns/defence in writing otherwise chaotic boss will slag you off for everything after you’ve gone

30 days notice plus sick leave if you can manage it. Or some sick leave and then your 30 days notice to reduce the financial hit.

Definitely option 2. That kind of reckless management could seriously harm your career, especially if the manager now has an axe to grind because you’re leaving.

Can I ask is this area of law well paid? It sounds really interesting and worthwhile.

Get sick leave and option 2 it as well.
My first instinct was to say that I don't think you have any obligation to do this gracefully...!

"Can I ask is this area of law well paid? It sounds really interesting and worthwhile."

Oh bless you Scrumpy, no, not well paid at all. I make £22K at current job.

Interesting and worthwhile? Yes, enormously so.

You could always do a helpful set of handover notes, backed up with decisions /discussions / emails that help 'give background' to cases while also defend you at the same time.

So for example the case where you bypassed the contractor and went straight to court, you'll be helping them by giving background to that in explaining reasons why that was a one off, as detailed in your email to your boss of such and such date, as attached. If you can do that in a way it doesn't stop your boss in the shit (but making it clear you weren't at fault) then that's ideal.

It may be a niche area but I bet word has got around about the situation and hopefully people in the area will understand. Certainly as a local authority officer we tend to know which neighboring borough to avoid like the plague!

Gosh you’re taking on board a lot of risk and pressure for £22k!!

"Gosh you’re taking on board a lot of risk and pressure for £22k!!"

Jesus, you are not wrong. Puts it in perspective. I could make as much doing some waitressing for a couple months.