OmG the world's most embarrassing thing has just happened.

[churchmouse84]

I would like the floor to swallow me up.

I went to see a friend today and had a brief chat with her husband, also a friend.

We talked about a film and I sent him a text message to say that I was watching it.

My phone screen is broken at the moment and sometimes goes off on a life of its own. I runs away with itself and selects random words.

I apparently have just sent him a text which says 'I want you'

I have apologised profusely but actually can't breathe.

It doesn't sound very believable.

I'm mortified.

My df always insisted my dates collect me from home so he could meet them even briefly on the doorstep. He would boom ' ah, x, before you escort sardines out for the evening, perhaps you could tell me your intentions regarding my daughter and future plans?'
That was always embarrassing. But very effective at getting rid of chancers:)

@babyno5, my face still goes red, three years later. Rabbi was very kind but I still haven’t got over the Big Guy part.

secretwitch 😂😂 nice? You made his year 😂😂 xx

I once sent what I thought to a sales guy I know,” I could just do a cup of hot chocolate”, but instead, the predictive sent , “ I could just do with some hot sex!” 😳

Loving these but getting serious side eye from the dog as I snort & cackle

@HmmGrey I've been on the receiving end of one of those!! Got a text from my then 12 year old saying "can I come to yours, mums being really horrible to me!" It was meant for my mum lol

I was invited to an interview but couldn't make the time/date due to prior appointments. The interviewer (Charlotte) was lovely and we were liaising via text re different times, courtesy of my auto correct my reply to her went "Hello cheeky otter, thank you very much for arranging the new interview time"

Please stop people, my diaphragm (the thoracic one) is spasming from the suppressed laughter.
Skittles, ever got the f ...eh, the duck?

Skittlesandbeer- I have never laughed so much at a MN post 😂😂

Omg, my glasses are steamed up laughing at this.
Husband is watching University Challenge and keeps giving me a disgusted look even though I'm trying to be quiet😂😂

sanseriff I just want to clarify that the text I received was from my adult son and intended for his fiancee. He was the one who showed me how to screen shot the text so that I could post it on FB. If I hadn't shared it he would probably have posted something about it himself. No nastiness, no humiliation, just good natured family teasing.

A random woman on a plane once spent some time stroking DH's leg, thinking it was our baby. He thought it was me at first. She was absolutely mortified.

One friend waiting for a lift thought she saw her DH pull up at some traffic lights. She went over, opened the door, and slipped in. It was not her DH. She had to explain she wasn't a prostitute.

20 years old and rather immature to my friend who's name begins AL I sent an extract of the lyrics to the Dildo Song...

Instead I sent it to my bosses husband (my 'also boss') with the same AL at the start of their name.

Wouldn't be so bad except that he's a bloody religious minister at the church across the road from the community centre that we all worked in.

Shame faced for the rest of my contract! (and bless his heart, he was very decent about it when I sent a follow up apologising and explaining that it wasn't for him!!! )

lololove that video is hilarious 🤣🤣🤣

My DH once sent me a text saying “Stopped for a coffee and a Mc’Shit without fries.” I didn’t receive it but his friend thought it was hilarious. 😂

I am sat in my children's room in the dark as ds callled out in his sleep. I am snorting and squeaking with tears pouring down my face like a crazy lady. I have woken up my dd who thinks I am having a breakdown and crying my eyes out. Instead of saying I was reading something funny I have just told her I was thinking a sad thought...why? Why did I say that!!? This is an excellent post. Surely one for classics.

I remember going for a walk with my old dog and saw DH going for a run. I went mad at him shouting I didn't have a key and to stop as I couldn't get back in.I followed him down the hill and the dog was going mad at him too. He ran and ran and I may have called him a name. I then tried his mobile and I said 'why the fuck did you ignore me?!' I was raging. He was sat at home in front of the TV wasn't him running, think the poor bloke was running away from me.

these are hilarious

ohdeardear-bet he was shitting himself!

Thank you, everyone.
Stressy kind of a day & have been crying with laughter.
Particular favourites:
Have a lonely birthday
Fancy a wank by the canal
and
Cheeky otter interviewer :D

I was once trying to leave the petrol station and spotted my friend walking across the forecourt back to his car.
Same car, same hi-vis with uniform under same hair and build.

He was dawdling so I wound down the window and shouted ‘move your arse you fucking fat bastard.’

Yep... erm.... I don’t need to say anymore.

Collected my ex principal ( a nun) and after a meal was giving her an awkward hug to part. Realised the arm I thought I was squeezing had no bone.. yes! I was squeezing her boob! Still stressed thinking about it.

@Socksandshoes 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

@GabsAlot yes I thought he was a lot faster than my DH 😂 identical from the back though, very strange.

Omg these are hilarious! Love the lonely birthday one because I always say lovely 😂 properly sitting here hysterical in tears and DH is sat oblivious next to me with his PlayStation headset on haha but apparently his friends can hear me giggling in the background 😳

I have sent a text to the wrong person a few times but I can't think of anything truely too hysterical (probably blanked out my memory ahah)

Ohdeardeardear that has cracked me up, I came very close to weeing myself snorting at the thought of that poor bloke being chased by an angry lady and her angry dog