OmG the world's most embarrassing thing has just happened.

[churchmouse84]

I would like the floor to swallow me up.

I went to see a friend today and had a brief chat with her husband, also a friend.

We talked about a film and I sent him a text message to say that I was watching it.

My phone screen is broken at the moment and sometimes goes off on a life of its own. I runs away with itself and selects random words.

I apparently have just sent him a text which says 'I want you'

I have apologised profusely but actually can't breathe.

It doesn't sound very believable.

I'm mortified.

Me and DH were bed shopping a while back and the lady at the shop was explaining this ‘amazing’ mattress and how if either of us move we won’t be able to feel it and I blurted out “that’s great because he’s a tosser (pointing to DH) and it keeps me up all night”.
I realised what I’d said but poor woman at the shop couldn’t stifle her laughter and said to DH “all night?” 🤦‍♀️

Here's my predictive next words:

The best price on a regular bus to be honest with me know what day is a bit and want a new window will be in some way in danger in a morning I will need a structural and the visuals and the other hand

When I was about seventeen or eighteen my then boyfriend and I were having a rude text session, I texted him something along the lines of 'where do you want to lick me?' and then left my phone on the side. Except it hadn't sent so when my mum knocked my phone it lit up with that text blazened across the screen. She came and handed it to me muttering something about locking the screen.

I'm still cringing in my thirties

Once texted a v recently met friend to tell her I was definitely bumming later but would be coming soon 😱 think I meant to convey that I was running late bloody auto text

Also once sexted my nephew - by mistake obviously. He was about 12. Not even auto text fail more of a multi text fail 😬

Just too funny. Tears rolling down my face reading some of theses

I sent quite deliberately cheeky message to an ex...but Facebook sent it to my best friend's new dh as they had the same surname. Luckily she thought it was hilarious. I'd send your friend a heads up message, apologizing.

I once sent a text to DP saying “I’m defrosting the minge for dinner, I know you’ve wanted it all week”
Mince. I meant mince. I was making a chilli 🙈

You win 🤣🤣

Skittlesandbeer
iv just nearly wet myself reading that. It just gets worse as the text goes on 😂

I was once the recipient of a wrongly sent email that makes me lol to this day!

The IT guy at a previous company I worked for had a wife with the same first name as me. He sent said wife an email asking if she was going to “get her fanny out later” but clearly didn’t check the surname before he hit send

He was so embarrassed that he got one of the directors to call me and apologise profusely! Luckily I had figured it was meant for his wife and was not offended. Needless to say he didn’t make a site visit to our office for a while afterwards lol

I sent my exh a text saying “I have wind” it was meant to say “I have wine” latest faux pas was to DP “the plumber has pooed in the shower” was meant to be “the plumber has popped in the shower” which reading back sounds just as bad

InstagramPork thanks for the image of a frosty minge complete with icicles how long to defrost at room temp or do you fridge it overnight?

@RyderWhiteSwan I like to submerge it in warm water for a while

My dh friend had called round one night for a few drinks, I’d been messaging him previously to arrange times etc. During the evening, after a few drinks, I popped upstairs and send my dh a photo, bra shot. As I was coming back downstairs my phone pinged a reply, ‘thanks, I’ll pop that in the wank bank’ from dh friend!!! Mortified!

I was out with a friend when her DH sent a text 'Hope you and Kasey are enjoying shagging' (he meant shopping) - My friend and I almost pissed ourselves laughing!! She eventually (after we had stopped laughing)sent him back a text 'Kasey says she loves me she doesn't roll that way'. It took a while before he could look me in the eye

Sorry to 😆..but that’s funny! However, today I sent a picture of my kids and 2 bottles of lube on the kitchen island to my ex 😳😳

Skittles that is comedy gold!!

DH found a dodgy builder to lay our patio and he texted DH at 3 in the morning to say "I don't care if you have a problem with me shagging your mum. I employ you and you'll be at XXX at 8am otherwise you're sacked."

At 4am DH got another text to say "Sorry, mate, that was for one of my lads"

At 9am no one had turned up. It took 2 weeks for them to reappear and finish the job.

OMG SkittleandBeer thay was hysterical.

actually.The fact you said she wouldnt laugh and is paranoid is a bit more of a nightmare. does she know you have her lads number?...As was genuine mistake,Id probably cover my back with hands held high,no secrets here,i am so distressed style confession.yes its awkward as hell...oops

Had been texting with our new Rabbi regarding Hebrew lessons for our daughter. It was Friday, so decided my husband needed a nice boob shot to get things going for the weekend. Added, What do you think of these, big guy? Of course, I texted boobs to Rabbi.

I once sent I'm so horny to my family group chat. I can't even remember what I wanted to type. But predictive text and me being in a rush sent that. Lovely.

My BIL once text my then 11 year old DD “Good morning juicy panda”. She text back “sorry uncle mike I don’t think this was meant for me”.
Bloody hilarious as my SIL is the least likely “juicy panda”. It was never mentioned again 😂😂

Postman came with a pile of cards for me and also a bigger thing that wouldn't go through the letterbox, so he chaps the door and I answer since I am not in work as I usually am. He hands it all to me and says "ooh is it your birthday?" I was a bit taken aback and blurted out the truth "no, my mum just died", Poor guy was mortified, I really didn't want him to feel bad about it and if i'd been thinking straight i would have just have lied and said "yes".

Oh god secretwitch I’ve actually laughed so hard I “leaked” 😂😂