OmG the world's most embarrassing thing has just happened.

[churchmouse84]

I would like the floor to swallow me up.

I went to see a friend today and had a brief chat with her husband, also a friend.

We talked about a film and I sent him a text message to say that I was watching it.

My phone screen is broken at the moment and sometimes goes off on a life of its own. I runs away with itself and selects random words.

I apparently have just sent him a text which says 'I want you'

I have apologised profusely but actually can't breathe.

It doesn't sound very believable.

I'm mortified.

A friend had a heart attack and I was telling another friend by text.

He said “I hope he makes a full recovery”

I said “I hope he dies”

DOES, I meant “I hope he does”

I once sent a text to an acquaintance that I knew through a group we both attended. We were organising a collection for someone and I needed to get it to her. I sent her a text saying 'I'll pop it through your letterbox'. It of course corrected to 'I'll poop it through your letterbox'

The acquaintance is very hyacinth bouquet so I'm not sure it was appreciated

kenpogurl that is both amazing and terrible at the same time! I bet your friend couldn't believe it!

This is why I have never used predictive text

Oh my goodness I am crying on the train, keep getting odd looks!

@PurpleFlower1983

My OH has a cyst on the side of his penis that can't be removed but he regularly has it drained.
Last year, it popped up again, and he sent me a picture of it, asking if I'd book him a doctors appointment, which I did, without deleting the picture.
About a month later, I'd left my phone unlocked in my pocket and I received a very angry phone call from my boss. (I was in charge of social media and promotion for a vaping company). I'd managed to open Instagram, select the photo of my partners penis, write a nonsense caption and post it. The company Instagram had 6k followers. Was absolutely mortified.

Good morning Sleeping Beauty Kisses you gently on the lips xxx

Oh god the "kisses you gently on the lips" action in the text made me make an ewwww sound. I hate soppy texts like that !

I have once had an autocorrect when I text a friend saying "so happy to hear about your cat dying".

I was meant to say "So SORRY to hear about your cat dying".

Ironytheoppositeofwrinkly - Eeeek! But 🤣🤣🤣

@Ironytheoppositeofwrinkly I've laughed so much I'm coughing!

My phone was glitching because the screen was smashed. It would frequently get a mind of its own, open messenger and send the last picture in my camera roll to one of the last people I contacted

I was texting spicy photos to an ex and the last one was a (quite nice) shot of my bum.

My phone sent it to a friend, who opened it up and couldn't stop laughing.

It was lucky because the other people I had been messaging recently were my landlady and my sister...

asleep what pissed me off was that I not only got a monumental bollocking off my boss, I then had to go home and explain to OH what I'd done :0 he was less than impressed!

When my DS was a baby he was often badly constipated and required 'manual assistance' (boak) from time to time. My phone rang whilst I was doing this one day and I saw my mum's name so I answered it with my elbow, yelled cheerfully 'can't talk right now, I've got my finger in name's bum hole and there's crap everywhere!' and hung up.

Moments later I had a moment of realisation that my Mum's number was saved in my phone under 'mum' and the only other person I knew with her name was the lady who'd interviewed me for a job the previous week

I never heard from her again.

Brilliant thread!

I used to be a veterinary receptionist, and a woman came up to the desk with her little Pomeranian dog tucked under her arm. I was talking to her and fussing her dog; I'd been scratching its chest for quite some time before it dawned on me that it had a very bony and rather oddly shaped chest...

I'd been massaging the back of her hand through her dog's fur.

OMG. I’m supposed to be working and I’m obviously not with all the guffawing that’s going on. “I hope he dies” 😂😂😂😂😂

'I hope he dies' is incredible

"tighten up my FIL’s shitter"

CAN'T. BREATHE.

I like bottoms 😂
Dog kennel naked selfie 😁

Oh my giddy aunt @venusandmars I cannot breathe I think that might have just killed me!

these are brilliant.
My husband once text how he wanted to kick my pussy

'I still haven’t got over the Big Guy part.'

'Can you lick me up at 7please?'

'ARE YOU FUCKING SORRY’

'how much would it be to tighten up my FIL’s shitter?'

STOP IT!

I can't breathe. My tummy hurts.

@socks and shoes and @ohdear. I laughed so much i cried!!!

I think Skittlesandbeer takes the prize for the best one!

Zoflorabore OMG I think I would have emigrated if that been me!