OmG the world's most embarrassing thing has just happened.

[churchmouse84]

I would like the floor to swallow me up.

I went to see a friend today and had a brief chat with her husband, also a friend.

We talked about a film and I sent him a text message to say that I was watching it.

My phone screen is broken at the moment and sometimes goes off on a life of its own. I runs away with itself and selects random words.

I apparently have just sent him a text which says 'I want you'

I have apologised profusely but actually can't breathe.

It doesn't sound very believable.

I'm mortified.

To the PP who said "don't be mortified" I think this is one occasion where the OP can be mortified!!

But, OP, I am sure the recipient will see the funny side (and hopefully his paranoid wife will lighten up!)

The morning after his wedding a friend of mine woke busting for a wee. The lacy bed sheets were neatly tucked in and he d want to wake his bride so he v v carefully slid up under the sheet until he was crouching by her head.

As he gazed lovingly down at her angelic face he felt a slight tingling of the anus and dumped stinky diarrhea all over the pillow. She forgave him.

He won the most embarrassing incident prize.

Myself and DP decided to be exclusive to each other quite early on in our relationship but were a few months together before we officially became boyfriend and girlfriend. Out of curiosity in that time, I googled a number of things like 'exclusive but not official' and 'how long before becoming boyfriend/girlfriend' - hoping to just find some forum posts or something. All fine, read a few bits and then completely forgot about it. Until we were sitting in the pub later and I took out my phone to Google something. My entire search history came up as he was looking at the screen. I was mortified. Luckily he found it charming...

Oh no OP!!

Hopefully he'll just laugh his socks off

@churchmouse84

I once meant to send my father a text saying "I love Italy" but autocorrect changed it to "I love oral" ....mortified!!

These things happen- we can only apologise and remain eternally embarrassed by them!

Ok peony that's close.

I've put the house on the market and I'm leaving the country.

That'll do it.

Me and DH we’re having a text convo about a hotel we’d seen....my text is the one highlighted in blue . Damn you autocorrect!

Ok, here’s mine.

I’ve made a bit of a connection with the butcher at my local farmer’s market. He often sources me special meats, sometimes from his own farm. There are special licences you have to have to trade in small game, but if you just ‘give it to a friend’ it’s legal. He’s very very shy, and I have to tread carefully with him. It’s become apparent he has a tiny sweet crush on me (not returned at all).

So I texted him, hoping he’d bring me a duck at the next market. I turn up, he’s empty-handed and the darkest shade of fuschia a man could turn. I try to chat with him, but he’s unable to get even a few words out.

His attitude made more sense when I reread my message to him.

‘Any chance of a sneaky fuck at Saturday’s market? No worries if you can’t rustle one up in time, but I’d be really grateful. Let me know your price ahead so I can bring correct change, ok? Doesn’t need to be a big one. Thanks’

I don’t like risky so meant to say ‘i’ll Just have coke’

Actually I was just about to send my dad a text saying "you're firing blanks, dad!" (he'd just got his first ever mobile phone and sent me a blank text) when I hesitated and realised I was living proof he wasn't, and it might come across as being ROOD

I was once walking with my son who was maybe 6 at the time and obsessed with builders, drills, saws etc

Builder carrying sledgehammer or similar walks past us and says 'I like your hat mate, can I have it?'

I say 'well he'd love a go on your big tool'

I'm still fucking mortified now and it was years ago

OK Skittles. I'll give you that. 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

Skittles wins.

A neighbour asked me if I could be a named safe place recipient for his parcels if he wasn't in. He was going on holiday to somewhere near Blackpool so I sent him a text asking where he was going. He couldn't remember so I texted him "is it Cockermouth?" only my predictive text wrote "Is your cock in my mouth?"

This was yesterday and he hasn't replied.

Skittles

Skittles AND Agatha's are the stuff of my absolute nightmares !

Took my trousers to clothes repairers today as the ripped knees in them had really gone through and said repair man had told me he could patch them. Gave hi s them and something fell onto the floor of the shop which he picked up looking very puzzled ..... tampon 😱 He gave it me back and I just put it in my bag saying very cheerily "oh I wondered where that was !" 😂

😂😂😂😂 skittles, did you ever clear up the misunderstanding?

Skittles wins! But oh my word these have made me laugh! The entire household are in bed, so I have been doing silent Dastardly laughing with tears rolling down my face!

I tried to laugh quietly but couldn't hold it in. I ended up half spitting, half dribbling, and squeaking like a mouse being strangled!

DH thinks I've finally lost it, cackling to myself hysterically in the other room

I’ve told this on here before...
One drunken night I was messing around with a friend on Snapchat and we decided to send some naughty pictures...somehow I accidentally managed to add another friend into a nude I sent. This other friend was married...oh yeah, and he’s a vicar!

I meant to say is married, not was married. I did not wreck that

skittles🤣🤣🤣

Many years ago I was on a night out, very drunk and I sent a very late night text to an ex flame. Berating him, ranting on about god knows what, crazy and making no sense at all. I sent it to the nice guy that i’d had two recent pleasant dates with. I actually replied to his text (he hoped I was having a lovely night out with my friends) with a horrendous pissed rant to someone else.

Didn’t even realise until the morning when I looked at my phone and he had replied and said “I don’t know what that was about but I don’t think we will be meeting up again”

Mortified.

Arranged a date with a new romantic interest at his house. Hot sex was on the menu. During the evenings activities my period started unexpectedly. Not just a normal period but a period from hell. I stained his very nice carpet, sofa, him and me. He was very nice about it but I blush whenever I think about it.