OmG the world's most embarrassing thing has just happened.

[churchmouse84]

I would like the floor to swallow me up.

I went to see a friend today and had a brief chat with her husband, also a friend.

We talked about a film and I sent him a text message to say that I was watching it.

My phone screen is broken at the moment and sometimes goes off on a life of its own. I runs away with itself and selects random words.

I apparently have just sent him a text which says 'I want you'

I have apologised profusely but actually can't breathe.

It doesn't sound very believable.

I'm mortified.

Excellent thread! cheering me up on a bit of a shit day!

The selfie sent to the client one had me crying 😂😂😂

ratherbeshowjumping 😂😂😂😂

Oh my God, dying laughing!

I saw everything...

Dd has an assessment for ASD next week and school have been asked to fill in a report. This week Senco approached me on playground to discuss.

She told me that week dd, during a lesson with the SLT, dd had suddenly announced "My mummy's private parts are very hairy". Twice.

She needed to tell me as she thought it was appropriate to include in report, but didn't want me to read it first on the report.

Next week I have to face the Consultants who will have read the report!

My local police force were holding an art competition for the kids and you could submit the entries via messenger by a certain date. I forgot until right at the last minute to take a pic of my DDs entry & only remembered as I went to bed. Have no clue how but managed to send a pic of my squinting, knackered, concentrating face to the local plod. Was mortified & deleted it in panic & sent them a message laughing about it. They replied saying they hadn't received the pic but I have no idea whether that's true or they were just being polite.
Hate having my picture taken at the best of times, so doubly mortifying for me!
She didn't win either.

I was walking ds back from his club the other day and we popped into a shop as he was hungry and we had a long walk home. He likes Nak'd bars (dried fruit bars). Shop is busy. DS goes to the next aisle to me and I call him. "DS, come round here and we'll look for some naked boys"
DS has a face like

The naked pet sitter one made me chuckle.

@ratherbeshowjumping OMG your post broke me. 🤣🤣🤣 "You don't look very well." 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Yep, I’m dying at the naked judge selfie and the ‘you don’t look very well’ 😂😂

It just took me three attempts to finish ratherbeshowjumping's message because I was laughing too hard to read 🤣😂

After having tea out, dh and I decided to walk home.
It’s a good 40 minutes to our house from the restaurant, as we live at the very back of a large estate.
About a quarter of the way home, I felt I needed to go to the loo.
And straight after this feeling I followed through. Spectacularly.
So this is 10 mins after setting off, still 30 mins to go.
At first, it felt solid and “contained” inside my jeans, if you like, so I thought it might not be too bad.
Then my bowels decided to open again, this time very loose.
By the time we got home, it had leaked down to my socks.....💩💩💩

This was last night, by the way. The jeans, socks and knickers are on the maiden as I type. 😂😂

Oh my goodness crumbs what did your DH say/do?

@Skittlesandbeer, absolutely brilliant 😂😂😂

Not a great deal @Flatasapancakenow.
Every now and again, he asked me if I was ok. Er, not particularly, no.

Not while I’m almost legging it home, which obviously helped things to ‘leak’ down the back of my jeans even more...😄

These have certainly brightened up a dreary Sunday morning. Absolutely brilliant! 😂😂😂😂

Not embarrassing but went wrong... when my DS was about 10 he had a project about canal locks (some of you are there already I sense!) Anyway, I had to take him to the canal and texted so he was ready (I was on my way home from work) "Are you ready for the anal thing?"
He replied "I had to look up anal online but what do you mean?" OMG!

Sanssherif??? Why the nasty message to Ithink? Talk about ruin the vibe

@BlueJava😂😂😂

Earlybyrd I don't get that message to ithink either. Cannot see anything at all to have triggered that.

It's a shame because we are all enjoying this thread then some 'twat' spoils the atmosphere

She used facebook to humiliate someone who made a mistake. How is that not being nasty and desperate enough for attention that they would shaft a mate.
Hate people like that. It does ruin the vibe because its not funny.

Was that message to me? No idea what that is all about but I’m not going to derail what is an otherwise hilarious thread by engaging.