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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

How would you manage this? Awkward situation regarding DC's friend and food?

186 replies

AjasLipstick · 15/09/2018 12:57

DD is 9. She's got a friend whose ten. They're great friends and we often have the friend over for long playdates or sleepovers.

Problem is this. The friend is overweight and wants much more food than we're comfortable giving.

DD eats well and normally. She's not overweight. When her friend is here she will ask DD to ask us for "more" of whatever they've just had...or for money to go and buy sweets.

We feed them well and don't ban the odd treat at all but the friend asks A LOT for more or for junk.

She is a lovely girl in every way but is obviously unbalanced regarding her intake of food as it's excessive.

An example is yesterday. Friend arrived at 4.00pm. On the way to ours with me, they were whispering in the back of the car and then DD said "Can we stop at the bakery for a cake!?" I said no because they had a packet of crisps each.

Then we got home and They were both given a bar of chocolate by DH...normal sized dairy milk. Then they had roast chicken, roast potatoes and gravy with a variety of vegetables. Large portions/

Then an icecream cornet.

An hour and a half later they said they were hungry and were given 4 crackers sandwiched with cheese, a chocolate biscuit....and some strawberries.

An hour after that we found DD sneaking down the hallway with a packet of chocolate biscuits.

We took them away and said that it's not on to take the whole pack. DD would simply NEVER do this. She's not that bothered about biscuits....then they came and asked for more crackers and cheese.

It bothers me because it's too much food and because DD feels she has to ask when her friend tells her to.

The friendship is a nice one...no bullying or anything but DD is a bit of a people pleaser and I don't like the constant eating that's going on when this particular friend is with us.

DD doesn't do this with other friends. I have now just started refusing...

OP posts:
FannyOutOfTheFarawayTree · 17/09/2018 06:27

Some people confuse thirst with hunger (honestly ). Make her have a full glass of water.

KC225 · 17/09/2018 06:39

I think you've had a really hard time on this thread OP. A hell of a lot of projecting and accusation. I can't see that you have said anything bad. The child is overweight and clearly has an obsession with food. There is a childhood obesity epidemic, yet mention a child is overweight on mumsnet and you should be strung up.

Italiangreyhound · 17/09/2018 07:09

AjasLipstick wise move. You've hsdvdinr very ride and sruood replies from some buy hope some of it has been of use.

Italiangreyhound · 17/09/2018 07:10

You've had some very rude and stupid... I mean!

OhTheRoses · 17/09/2018 07:35

I haven't read all of the thread but I thinm what irked most people was that the op noted the child's weight and love of rubbish food and then shared a list of junk food she and her dh had offered/fed the child. It was very contradictory.

Earthakitty · 17/09/2018 09:23

The answer is very simple.
Who's in charge here ?
YOU are.
So next time , give them their tea, then some fruit. Refuse any further requests for food. Hide all the treats or don't have them in.
You may be sure this friend of your daughter's will not ask to visit again.
Pointless speaking to her parents.
They are the ones who've made her this way.

PermanentlyFrizzyHairBall · 17/09/2018 09:39

I do agree with other posters. Make sure she has something healthy to eat but say no to other foods. Honestly lots of kids will try and eat as much junk as possible so it's very normal. It's difficult if you're a natural people pleaser but you've probably got off lightly with yourDC's friends if this is the worse issue you've come up against. As for your DD it's definitely a good learning opportunity. She'll need to learn to stick up for herself and say no to friends when she's a teenager - you won't be able to vet her friends for her. This is a perfect opportunity for her to learn - she's not being bullied just needs to learn to say no.

Strongmummy · 17/09/2018 11:00

It should be deleted, but I’m very confused as to why it was started in the first place to be honest.

MenaMecca · 17/09/2018 11:28

I’m very confused as to why it was started in the first place to be honest.

+1

DarlingNikita · 17/09/2018 15:22

Totally agree with Earthakitty.

Br1256 · 19/09/2018 12:26

Have you actually raised this with her mum, how much does she eat at home ...maybe there is some sort of medical issue...are the rest of the family over weight....some background might help you decide on the food to supply. Maybe she is not allowed sweet stuff at home and so craves it more.....
How about activities that preclude eating...swimming, drama, singing, tennis...rather than picking them up in the car and playing indoors....

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