Did anyone get the birth they wanted?

[JillianHoltzmann]

I'm 40+1 today and just read the thread about not getting the birth you wanted. To be honest, it scared the crap out of me! I totally get the need to share your experience, especially after a traumatic birth, but in the interest of balance I have to ask- did anyone's birth go exactly as planned?

I didn't with my 3rd. Was my worst birth but hes lovely that's all that matters

My plans were vaginal delivery if possible, no Pethidine (long story but in short I can’t have it rather than won’t) and healthy baby. So yes, I got what I wanted both times. DC1 had the cord around his neck but it was sorted very quickly and no discernible long term effects and I agreed to an episiotomy.

DC2 was very straightforward although I didn’t get the water Birth I wanted as things progressed quite quickly. Also had a physiological third stage which went very well.

There are lots of good birth stories out there, it’s just that we normally hear about the traumatic ones.

Yes, I’ve had two absolutely wonderful home births and really nothing I would change from either of them. They were truly lovely.

But you don’t get a medal for things happening just as you hoped they would. As long as you feel empowered and respected, that’s really what matters.

Elective c-section for medical reasons. About 20 medics in the room.
Lovely birth largely down to the single midwife present who once baby was born safely ensured she as planned opened dh's shirt so baby could be tucked inside for skin to skin while the docs worked on me.
Once out of theatre the same midwife ensured baby bf like a trooper 😉
It was all I hoped for and despite (for my situation) the huge risks, I'd do it again tomorrow 😊

Good luck OP

Definitely not the birth I wanted either time but both were amazing experiences. I felt in control and supported. I think we get hung up on some idea of perfection. Sometimes you just have to let go and go with it. Just breathe and take each moment as it comes. You'll be fine.

Yep, both births went exactly as I wanted them to, at home with a pool and gas and air. Lovely midwives there, a really amazing experience, really doubted it could go that way on two separate occasions five years apart, but it did 🙂. Trust your body, try to relax and stay in control of your thoughts whatever curveball may come your way and you've got this!

I wanted a birth ending with me and the baby healthy. I got that. I was I’ll for a while as it was a bit grim, but hey ho.

I just hoped that both baby and I would come out if it alive and well. We did, bar a few stitches for a tear. It's great to have a birth plan but be flexible and realistic, you'll set yourself up for all sorts of misery otherwise. Births quite often don't go to plan.

All those posters saying the birth doesn't matter so long as the baby is healthy, have a word with yourselves. Do you have any idea how patronising, insensitive and downright ignorant you sound?

Of course the birth matters.

I got mostly what I wanted which was a water birth, a shortish labour, no induction, no pethidine, no epidural, no medical intervention. Highly recommend the birthing pool. It was all very calm and not at all scary once I got to hospital.

I wish I hadn’t pushed as he came quite fast and am sure he would have come anyway. I did need stitches and think that was because I pushed. He was out in 3 pushes. Proper labour was about 6 hours although he had been threatening to arrive for a fortnight! He was born at 37+5.

I had been on consultant care because he may have arrived before 35 so at hospital I kept saying I wanted midwives only and to user the pool. I told everyone and why I had been on consultant care. They listened.

Advocate what you want and listen to your body would be my two pieces of advice. Most importantly don’t worry if things change be this you changing your mind or circumstances. I would have accepted anything if my baby was at risk and I was also open to wanting/needing more pain relief if my labour had been long.

I was never one of thise women who said never again. I always said it wasn’t as bad as I thought. I was lucky and also grateful to my NCT consultant who gave me the tools to ask for what I wanted.

Good luck OP. You will be fine.

Gosh I proof read that and there are still loads of typos, sorry 😐

The one I had zero plans for (no birth plan, no set decision on whether to go to labour ward or birthing centre [different floors of same hospital], absolutely no strong feelings about pain relief, no expectations or preferences) was a perfect, 80 minute, birth centre delivery with just myself, DP and MW. Managed on TENS and G&A. Baby arrived at 7am, we were home by 2pm.

I was lucky in that even my other births (one augmented as I stalled at 6cm and the other an induction) were drug free, and I managed natural deliveries with no tears and grazes.

Sadly DC3 ended up in neonatal. Now that was a fucking shocker.

Mine were pretty good. First back to back so took ages but all under control and such a feeling of elation at the end. The second I surpassed myself and resisted the gas and air. I felt like wonderwoman!

I wanted a birth like Serena Waterford (Handmaid's Tale). All female, breezy curtains, scented candles and spacious with drinks and snacks.

Both my births were a lot more cutty, painful and bloody than that. But it was OK OP. I'm now a mum of two with some scars and interesting frilly bits.

Mine was great OP, I fancied a water birth and did go in the pool but got out after a while! A bit of diamorphine and some big pushes and my DD arrived without much fuss! Some 'grazing' and a couple of stitches but no horrendous after stories either. My daughter came at 40+5, wishing you lots of luck

I had a failed induction leading to emergency caesarean. It's not what I "wanted" when I did all the hypnobirthing preparation for hours and hours but at the time I didn't care! I got a healthy baby, I was consulted and listened to throughout my birth, the midwives and doctors included me in the decision making process. Remember you can ask to change midwife and Dr if you want to on the day if you feel like you're not listened to :-)

I didn’t bother with a birthing plan either time as my “dream labour” of having an epidural is not allowed due to spina bifida occulta bumping the tiny chance of complications to a very slightly less tiny chance.

First labour was utter misery, they kept me flat on my back and DS1 got stuck in my pelvis so his head would start to come down then go back in. Had the episiotomy, and several midwives looking between my legs and muttering (probably wondering when to give up and get the OBGYN in). When DS1 was born 7lbs 7oz his head looked like a forceps baby’s!

Second labour, pretty good. Painful, but I just had one MW with me at a time and was encouraged to use a birthing ball and try out different positions on the bed. No stitches needed with a 9lb 2ozer!

I did. Water birth in midwife led unit, used tens machine until 6cm then climbed in the pool and had gas and air. Delayed cord clamping, delivered placenta without the injection and immediate skin to skin. Was discharged within 4 hours as soon as midwife had seen baby take 2 feeds and paperwork was done. Was actually quite a nice day, listened to an audibook throughout and I was smiling the whole way through

All those posters saying the birth doesn't matter so long as the baby is healthy, have a word with yourselves. Do you have any idea how patronising, insensitive and downright ignorant you sound?

Absolutely agreed! A traumatic birth can lead to PND, PTSD, trouble bonding with baby, trouble breast feeding etc. OP I am sure this won't happen to you, however I think it is so important that people understand the significance a positive birthing experience can have on a woman, her baby and her partner.

"All those posters saying the birth doesn't matter so long as the baby is healthy, have a word with yourselves."

I nearly died having ds. Ds nearly died. He was trapped in my pelvis for hours. I was stuck at 8 cm for over 8 hours, waiting on the Dr to arrive perform an emergency C section. How insensitive of me to try to see the postive side of all that, which is that we're both here and fine . Not all of us had our babies practically fall out after a few hours (I was in labour for over 72). I didn't even take gas and air for the first 24, (up to 5cm) but then I cracked. Was relaxed, calm, and in the right mind set, but it did fuck all good, reality got in the way (narrow pelvis and eventually meconium present when they broke my waters). Some of us don't like to dwell too much on the trauma we went through?

@WickedLazy ... I agree.

For the poor women to do have PTSD and other concerns after birth there should be loads of support, counseling etc but that's no reason to undermine others who ARE just happy with a healthy baby for whatever reason.

My pregnancy had complications being regular scans, blood tests etc, I was so relieved when DS was alive that I didn't care about the birth.

For ladies who do suffer pnd etc after the birth we all need to rally around, support those ladies and listen to their stories.

First one was vaginal and traumatic with terrible recovery but 2nd two were elective c-sections and were utterly magical with great easy and quick recoveries

Not my first as I was induced but I recently gave birth to my daughter (10/9) and it was perfect! Got everything I wanted from my birth plan. Stayed at home in bath until pain was no longer manageable. Went to midwife led unit at 1am. In pool about 1:45am, baby born in water at 2:30am. Just had gas and air, midwife was very supportive and relaxed, not formal checks or measurements of how dilated I was. A few internal stitches done with gas and air. Home and cuddling both my gorgeous girls by lunchtime the next day. I am so grateful to have experienced such a positive birth and it is amazing what your body can achieve when left to its own devices. Good luck OP! I hope you get your perfect birth too x

I got the births I expected both times. Natural labour with gas and air. I'd have liked more pain relief but I labour too quickly for anything else (DS1 was born in less than 2hrs and DS2 in 18mins).

Way to go wickedlazy, medal for you for martyrdom and insensitivity

Honestly, posters like you just can't help themsrlves can they