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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Did anyone get the birth they wanted?

269 replies

JillianHoltzmann · 15/09/2018 03:55

I'm 40+1 today and just read the thread about not getting the birth you wanted. To be honest, it scared the crap out of me! I totally get the need to share your experience, especially after a traumatic birth, but in the interest of balance I have to ask- did anyone's birth go exactly as planned?

OP posts:
Gardeninginsummer1 · 15/09/2018 22:52

Yes...from nothing to delivery in 3hrs. No pain relief. Out in 2 pushes. Perfect.

BrynsPicasso · 15/09/2018 23:07

Yep. Both births were amassing and the most empowering experience of my life. I'd do it again in a Heartbeat

Jason118 · 15/09/2018 23:08

I think mine was ok but I was very young, less than a day oldSmileSmileSmile

Rebecca36 · 15/09/2018 23:11

Yup, went to plan (not that I actually had much of a plan), all went smoothly, exactly as I had imagined it would be. Only thing I hadn't figured into it was a small episiotomy and stitches but that was no problem.

stargirl1701 · 15/09/2018 23:35

Yes, both of mine were pretty much as I had hoped.

DD1's was amazing. I felt a raw sense of female power I have never encountered before. It was around 18 hours. I gave birth in a stand alone MLU in the pool after using a TENS machine for the majority of the first stage.

DD2's was quicker. The pregnancy had been very challenging and I had to use crutches for 5 months for PGP. Again, I chose the stand alone MLU. The pool was still filling when I gave birth so I used a birth mat on the floor instead. I asked for gas and air this time alongside the TENS.

Lovely births. I would be happy to give birth again. It's pregnancy that makes me wary of DC3.

I was off work from 32 weeks with both pregnancies so I could focus on physical & mental preparation for birth. I used the 'Fit for Birth' exercises, birth ball exercises, hypnobirthing, visualisations & affirmations. I aimed for 6-8 hours of prep daily with plenty of rest and sleep.

In hindsight, I should've spent time understanding breastfeeding when I was pregnant with DD1. My focus was too much on birth and not on the weeks afterwards. It was a disastrous breastfeeding experience. I approached the prep for the postnatal fourth trimester period differently with DD2.

CarrieBlu · 15/09/2018 23:39

I didn’t have the ideal birth experience either time but got the end results that I wanted - my lovely babies to take home. The best advice I had was to be completely open minded.

hodgeheg92 · 16/09/2018 04:32

It's so lovely to find a thread of positive birth stories.

My DC's birth went well and was pretty much to plan. Water birth in a MLU with as little monitoring/examinations/intervention as possible. I would do it again.

I went in feeling informed, happy to listen to advice but also with an understanding of my rights and my wants. At one point the midwife wanted to monitor me strapped to a bed in the delivery suite instead of the MLU and I asked if we could wait, talked through the risks of waiting, was listened to when we decided to wait 10 minutes and DC's heart rate returned to normal so being vocal and being listened to kept my labour on track.

Good luck OP, I really recommend reading the Positive Birth Book.

EnglishRose13 · 16/09/2018 04:37

I didn't make a birth plan because I'd read so many stories about them going wrong.

All I wanted was a healthy baby to bring home, and that's exactly what I got.

picklepost · 16/09/2018 05:38

Second was, elective CS, was exactly as I'd planned.

babbscrabbs · 16/09/2018 07:29

OP

can I suggest you step away from this thread and go and look up the positive birth movement on Facebook instead?

Don't be afraid. I was really scared and didn't trust or understand my body first time but second time I wasn't afraid and while both (vaginal w gas and air) births were fine really, my fear held me back first time whereas the second one I honestly really enjoyed and it didn't hurt.

Original poster
JillianHoltzmann · 17/09/2018 18:20

Those of you that have replied to the catheter thing, the only reason I didn't want to have one was because I only know four women who have had, and talk about having had, a catheter. My mum is one, she says she hasn't been able to pee properly since "it's like a sprinkler system" (tmi from my mum!) and the other three have also had permanent damage from the catheter. One feels pain every time she pees.

OP posts:
SoyDora · 17/09/2018 18:28

I don’t have any damage from the catheter (I also had to have one in intensive care when I had sepsis after the birth of DD2).

SoyDora · 17/09/2018 18:29

The sepsis was as a result of mastitis, I should have said.

LaurieMarlow · 17/09/2018 18:31

I've had 2 catheters and no issues at all with either of them.

RayRayBidet · 17/09/2018 18:34

I had a catheter after 1st dd, my nethers were a bit numb as she was born so quickly and it was painful when they put it in and took it out but no permanent damage

gamerwidow · 17/09/2018 18:35

Nope I planned a natural birth with just gas and air and ended up with a crash EMCS under GA. It really really didn’t matter though. What’s important is that both you and the baby come out of it alive and healthy. Don’t worry if your birth doesn’t go to plan it’s nothing that you can control so just do your best with what ever happens.

Lordofmyflies · 17/09/2018 18:37

Yep, twice. stayed at home as long as possible, walking about then a quick drive to the hospital, straight into labour room where I was allowed to move freely and gave birth within 3 hours without pain relief. Was home both times a few hours later for tea and cake.

CountessVonBoobs · 17/09/2018 18:43

I was catheterised after both my births, zero issues. I would be very surprised if complications from catheterization were anything but rare. It's an extremely common intervention and should be straightforward.

liverbird79 · 17/09/2018 19:18

It was how @steff13 was.

The more you plan the more can go not to plan.

If you deliver safely then surely that's all the plan you need.

I wanted an epidural, I went to hospital when I felt the pain was right to go to hospital. I was 8cm dilated. Too late for an epidural.

Baby got stuck and I ended up getting an epidural because we needed forceps.
It was all fine. No horror story. We we both ok, nurses and midwives were amazing.

Stitches hurt when they were healing but for me I was healed ok in two weeks.

Just plan to deliver your baby. You will be great.

Mossend · 17/09/2018 19:37

Yes.
My DS, although a forceps delivery, wasn't nearly as bad as I'd been led to believe it would be. It was painful, ill not deny that but compared to what I'd been told to expect and imagined it would be like it really wasn't bad.

My DD was born with no pain relief, this is not a boast, I was happy to take everything available, but she was born so quick there was no time.

I never had any birthplans either and for me, I think that helped
Good luck OP

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 17/09/2018 19:41

Well my plans were ‘have baby, drugs ok, would prefer no instruments’.

So yes my births were as planned even if the first was an induction.

MamaOfTwoBoys · 17/09/2018 19:45

My first birth was a million miles from what I'd hoped for.... my second was as if I'd designed it and was everything I was had wished for.

Fingers crossed for you!!!

Nutkins24 · 17/09/2018 20:23

I’ve literally just had a catheter during labour and after, no probs yet and peeing as Normal now it’s out. I think it’s pretty common. I’ve just had a birth with all the things I didn’t want (induced/epidural/ sceptic shock half way through labour/ baby and I on very high dose of antibiotics) but honestly now it’s done and dusted I’m just thankful we’re here safely. I never made a plan but I admit I thought that 2 nd birth would Be easier. My advice, never say never, follow medical advice ( I was so terrified of induction and having an epidural that I resisted for too long and ended up with a major infection) accept that anything might happen but probably nothing will. Ironically my 1st had all the makings of being complicated (premature/back to back) and actually it was s much smoother birth. You can never ever plan!

liverbird79 · 17/09/2018 20:23

Research your hospitals too. They are not all the same

BeeBum · 17/09/2018 20:27

No my birth didn't go to plan and I still beat myself up for it now. I know everyone says that it wasn't my fault and it was out of my control but I just feel weak and stupid from how it went.

And I know This is my issue, but reading wonderful birthing stories just makes my guilt and self hatred even worse.

Urgh I'm such a fricking self loathing bleurgheleh.

Sorry xx