Did anyone get the birth they wanted?

[JillianHoltzmann]

I'm 40+1 today and just read the thread about not getting the birth you wanted. To be honest, it scared the crap out of me! I totally get the need to share your experience, especially after a traumatic birth, but in the interest of balance I have to ask- did anyone's birth go exactly as planned?

I didn't want any particular births, as long as they were as pain free as possible. Didnt plan on last one being an emergency C section obviously!

3 out of 4 were problem free planned home births. So exactly what I wanted.

1st one no. Complete polar opposite. Wanted no intervention and end ended up with a crash section.

However this time I've requested an elcs which has been approved so very much the birth I want ☺️

1st went totally tits up for want of a better phrase. Second was perfect, couldn't have gone better, third was ok but slight complications.

Yes, I wanted healthy babies and no lasting physical trauma. Which, so far I have got. I consider myself very lucky. DC3 due next month and hope for the same again.

My birth plan just consisted of the word ‘EPIDURAL’ written over and over again. I got an epidural so in that sense yes it was the birth I wanted. Labour was easy (after the epidural obvs) There were complications immediately post birth though that made things less than ideal and I am a bit sad about that even a year later.

The thing is, nobody can predict what a birth will be like or what will happen. You have to just go in with ideas of what you’d like and go from there.

My advice would be just to be as calm as you can, and open to change. Listen to the midwives and follow their instructions. My midwife was an angel, I will never forget her name; Katie.

Good luck and hope you have an easy/none complicated time!

My first was awful but I had inexperienced mw, huge baby and let myself get into a right state. Second time round I had a great mw but made sure I was more mentally prepared: hypnobirthing to help me stay calm, breathing exercises to again ty and not get lost in the pain.

I had best session with mw before my third. She talked me through labour, how long the contractions last, how I could get through each one. I'm a great believer that mental preparation can help so much. It's only part of it if course

Yes!
I had two planned homebirths and they were wonderful. My wishes were respected and while the Births themselves were intense the whole experience was lovely.

The only thing that annoyed me during my birth was the monitoring. I then discovered towards the end it was how the doctors set up the bed(s) to be uncomfortable not the midwives.

Everything else was fine and I gave birth quicker than expected even though I was induced.

My postnatal care was interesting as I was on a shared ward and while I thought one couple were extremely lazy especially the guy, I felt extremely sorry for the other two.

Yes. Water-birth, gas and air.

I didn't.
Wanted a water birth...ended up with Ventouse for the first and emergency caesarian for the second.
Have two lovely, healthy children and have never given the births a second thought.
I did actually prefer the caesarian as recovery was quicker.

I had everything that I didn’t want, induced, high BP so stuck lying down being monitored, not allowed in the birthing pool, epidural (desperately didn’t want this but it lowers your BP apparently and I caved in the end as I was exhausted) failure to progress and finally EMCS. But none of it was any near as bad as I’d thought it would be and I ended up with a healthy baby with a fairly easy recovery.

Wouldn’t change any of it. It was a positive experience and if I have another I would spend less time worrying about how it’ll go. What will be will be and as long as we are both healthy afterwards that’s all I can ask.

I did do some hypnobirthing which definitely helped me through the contractions and kept me calm. My memories of it all are a bit hazy - I was having contractions for about 24 hours but it honestly just seems like a couple when I look back. Good luck OP, you can do it!

My second and third births went pretty well. They were homebirths and while i was a bit annoyed by some aspects of third birth, i think it was pretty ok.

My first birth ended up far more medicated than i wanted and i didnt feel in control, but it wasnt traumatic either

Yes - two water births using hypnobirth breathing technique that i’d practiced, gas and air for pain relief.
Speedy discharge from hospital both times so I was very lucky that no complications with babies arose or post birth.
Had stitches both times for tearing, but straight forward.

Midwives with first birth were wonderful and followed all my instructions in plan to the letter - kept lights off, talking to a minimum etc and I was really focused and calm.

Second birth much quicker but I “knew” much more what I was doing / what to expect so I was much more in control of own birth and just told midwife what I wanted in the moment.

I really recommend doing some hypno breathing practice and listen to some of the tutorials etc, just helps you with keeping calm and not panicking etc.

Obviously you can’t predict how it’s going to go and there is no doubt a lot of “luck” involved, but state of mind is important. Be open to having to change course if needed and be aware of your body.

Never had much of a birth plan in place with any of mine. First and second were induced, prolonged, forced and very painful. Third however my waters broke at home and I gave birth 14 hours later after spending 12 hours labouring at home. It was amazing as I dreaded another induction.

My second was textbook wonderful. Good luck!

No - I had a scary Emcs as opposed to the elcs that I had planned but that’s not why it wasn’t what I wanted. That’s down to the fact that one of my boys almost died, both were taken straight to nicu and I didn’t get to see them for about 7 hours. I really thought one of them had died. Being separated from them was unbearable and I still struggle with it now. Then two months of nicu and ongoing problems.

In terms of the actual birth, if you can keep an open mind then I think it’s better psychologically than being very wedded to a set idea of how things should be

First birth I wanted the NCT ideal water birth. I didn't get it. After induction and every intervention under the sun I had a crash c section under GA. I didn't mind though, I had a healthy baby (which wasn't a given in the circs) and recovery was easy.

Second birth I wanted a nice calm elective CS and I got that. Recovery was even easier.

Some people do get the 'ideal' though. Two of my NCT group had a water birth with just gas and air. It does happen.

Yes. 4 times. I had a loose plan A / plan B which was focused on me making any decisions that were required. I was very happy with the care I received (Home birth midwives and consultant as back up). For me the key thing was that I felt in control because I was the one making key decisions e.g. for DC1 I chose not to have an induction despite being well overdue.

No. I remember bawling my eyes out sat in the MAU because the dr said I had to stay in and be induced, I knew from there that it wouldn’t be as I planned. Hadn’t asked for much on my plan, not to be induced, water if possible but due to preeclampsia that wasn’t going to be the case and I didn’t even get the chance to labour at home for a bit in the bath or something.

I was informed, relaxed about birth beforehand, chilled during pregnancy, had read all around every aspect of birth and labour, was fit and healthy before and during pregnancy, DC was only 7lb when induced, and have a very high pain threshold according to the doctors - but you know, when something like preeclampsia comes along, everything goes out the window. Ended up with EMCS after 48 hours on the hormone drip.

Neither of my children's births were exactly how I'd planned (water, soft lighting etc), but both babies arrived safely and I was safe and well during and after delivery - if I'd insisted on my plan my son might not have been. Birth rarely goes to plan, but normally it doesn't matter when you've got a newborn on your chest.x

No.

I went in quite naive with my first and it was a text book hospital birth. My second I had planned a home birth as I hate hospitals. It was brilliant until I had a pph and lost 6.5 pints of blood at home. I still wouldn't of changed it though. The actual labour was so relaxed and very quick as I was more relaxed being at home. I was blue lighted in for emergency surgery as it was very touch and go for a while. In icu for a couple of days but all ok. Baby had no problems and dad was left holding the baby!

Yes no, both births went about 90% to plan. Dc1 I gave birth to in the bathroom having got out of the pool. Dc2 was born in the same spot but I never got into the pool as I didn't think the contractions were intense enough until it was way too late. Dc2 was also delivered by DH as I alerted him to call them when I had already started wanting to push and midwife couldn't get to us in time.

Both births I feel very positive about and I look back on them as happy memories.

I commented on the other thread! Like I said in that post, on paper my birth was straightforward, if long. Midwife lead all the way, my main pain relief was TENS, and I had gas and air for a couple of hours. But honestly, it frikkin hurt! Nothing could've prepared me for the pain of the contractions when they were really regular. I did have a back to back birth though, which meant it was l-o-o-ong. Pushing was incredibly difficult too, and I'm fit and exercised all through pregnancy.