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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Did anyone get the birth they wanted?

269 replies

JillianHoltzmann · 15/09/2018 03:55

I'm 40+1 today and just read the thread about not getting the birth you wanted. To be honest, it scared the crap out of me! I totally get the need to share your experience, especially after a traumatic birth, but in the interest of balance I have to ask- did anyone's birth go exactly as planned?

OP posts:
UnaOfStormhold · 18/09/2018 16:29

The thing that really helped me was the chapter in Birth Skills (Juju Sundin) which has positive stories about highly medicalised births. This really helped me have what I continue to think of as a good birth despite it being far from my ideal. It's worth making sure that your plan isn't just your ideal outcome but also includes the things you are worried about so that eg if you do need a catheter the midwives know that you are afraid of that. (I don't remember being catheterised and had no ill effects btw)m

Duskqueen · 18/09/2018 16:47

I didn't with either of mine. I wanted a pool birth with both of them, I couldn't with my 1st as I had gestational diabetes so had to be monitored and I was induced with my 2nd due to reduced movement and therefore had to be monitored. Never really bothered me because at the end of the day all I really wanted was a healthy baby at the end of it, I was more bothered about when my babies needed than what I wanted.

Toddleoo · 18/09/2018 16:50

I had a fantastic birth, exactly all I could have hoped for... followed by a week of horrendous postnatal care in hospital which didn't cause my pnd but definitely made it incredibly hard to get over.

SoyDora · 18/09/2018 17:25

people share stories of the unexpected because all those women who only listen to positive stories and think lovely hypnobirthing breathing techniques will get them through are often very shocked and traumatised if that turns out not to be the case. It's important to be realistic in the run up to the birth, not just stick your head in the sand

That may be true, but the OP explicitly said in her OP that she has already read the thread that was about not getting the birth you wanted, and she was looking for some positive stories for balance. That’s not burying her head in the sand.

Lostandfound81 · 18/09/2018 17:30

Weird but I have both no thought

I was just far too focussed on baby!

As it turned out, both were a dream. Maybe because I had no thoughts or expectations!

Breen86 · 18/09/2018 21:54

Yes. I laboured at home for a while. Was only in the hospital for three hours until he was born. No pain relief and awesome midwives. Wishing you a beautiful birth xx

Thatstheendofmytether · 18/09/2018 21:57

Nope neither of them, one came far too fast and the midwives said they couldn't believe I had managed to walk into the hospital despite them telling me to wait until the morning to come in. The first one took far too long to come out and they couldn't give me an epidural because the only aneithsetis in the whole hospital was in surgery at 12 o'clock at night. Finally got one as the baby's head was popping out. No terrible traumatic experience though and I feel very lucky for that.

Benandhollysmum · 18/09/2018 22:02

Didn’thave a plan in place with either my kids, I was told make a plan by writing it down and throwing it out the window, as not all births go to plan.
First was forced out with forceps resulting in a burst blood vessel in my kids eye, second straight forward birth no gas and air( remember first time round made me want to vomit, so avoided) and no pain relief at all..did get stabbed in the bum with sissors tho lol I sat on them

MammaSchwifty · 18/09/2018 22:04

twittlebee

The Hypno-Birth course I done still taunts me now in my mind at how I failed.

I'm really sorry to hear that. You did not fail, not at all. Sounds like it's the hypnobirthing course that failed you if it's left you feeling that way.

Tumbleweed101 · 18/09/2018 23:17

I had four lovely home births. Didn’t need pain relief after the first as knew what to expect and used TENS with my first. Midwives with my first were especially brilliant and I think that gave me to confidence in my subsequent births.

SandyY2K · 18/09/2018 23:21

No. I wanted a water birth with my firsr, but my labour was too slow....not in established labour.

I didn't have a problem with it...as I just wanted a safe labour...as pain free as possible and with a healthy baby. That's the goal.

Be flexible and don't get upset if plans change.

Crispyturtle · 18/09/2018 23:53

First time - no. Failed forceps & an EMCS. Second time - yes, a very straightforward VBAC. BUT I loved both experiences, they were equally wonderful. Just because it’s not the birth you hoped for doesn’t mean it’s awful, just.... different. Be informed about everything & open-minded, no good can come from pinning your hopes too much on a particular kind of birth because there are just too many variables. Lots of luck, you’ll be cuddling your newborn before you know it.

ChangerChangerson · 19/09/2018 00:19

Yes. I got exactly what I wanted - Birth in the pool on gas and air only.

Childrenofthesun · 19/09/2018 01:04

My first didn't go as planned. I actually thought the labour went better than I had expected (although I was expecting it to be terrible!) although the delivery wasn't as planned as I ended up with EMCS.

Second delivery went pretty much as planned - a successful VBAC, although I have to be honest and say it was not pleasant and I would probably go for a c-section again if I had the choice!

I would say, there are no medals for going without pain relief and if you want it, ask for it early. I only had gas and air both times because I was too far along.

Secondly, I found the birth a walk in the park compared to the sleepless nights with a refluxy baby. Make sure you take care of yourself after the birth, don't try to rush into doing things and take a few weeks doing very little other than snuggliing and feeding.

And remember, everyone's experiences are different. Other people's birth stories aren't really of any use other than for the person telling them getting a chance to offload.

Transpeaked · 19/09/2018 10:37

I have long hard labours with back to back contractions and always get ‘stuck’ for hours at 3cm. And then, suddenly, within an hour a baby emerges. No other complications. Gas and air with my second, which ran out in the last 2 hours with no more available. I did it. And I’d do it again.

DowntonCrabby · 19/09/2018 10:48

Nope, neither of them went to plan. First was a forceps birth after failed ventouse. 9lb 10oz baby, huge PPH requiring transfusions and episiotomy/stitches. Second was a EMCS due to cord prolapse 5 days after attempting the first induction process which obviously didn’t work.

But I am here and healthy, both children were safely delivered thanks to our wonderful NHS. I’m sure it’s fantastic when things go to plan but I cannot feel any resentment/ trauma from two successful births regardless of them not remotely going to plan.

bluebellsparklypants · 19/09/2018 23:14

Not much of a birth plan here as I was aware it's actually quite hard to plan for and didn't want to get upset if it didn't go how I'd 'planned' , but 8 hours labour and only 2 hrs active labour I had my lovely DC all was good. Best wishes for you

bluebellsparklypants · 19/09/2018 23:16

Just to add I was too late for any medication help but you just get through it

Tiredtomybones · 19/09/2018 23:20

Not RTFT as other people's birth stories scare me, but yes, OP, I got exactly what I wanted both times.

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