Did anyone get the birth they wanted?

[JillianHoltzmann]

I'm 40+1 today and just read the thread about not getting the birth you wanted. To be honest, it scared the crap out of me! I totally get the need to share your experience, especially after a traumatic birth, but in the interest of balance I have to ask- did anyone's birth go exactly as planned?

picklepost on another post I’d agree with you but the OP is a scared first time Mum due to give birth any minute. I don’t think sharing PTSD horror stories is appropriate for here. Yes someone women do have horrific births but most her over it. It’s rare to have severe complications or PTSD afterwards. If you’d read my post more carefully you could see I had an awful birth but no long term after effects . Even with an awful birth it doesn’t have to be a horror story. I’m sorry your birth didn’t go well and you still suffer the after effects but you are in the minority and I won’t be having a word with myself thanks. Maybe you should though and think about when your comments are appropriate and when you are lashing out in pain to attack those who don’t deserve it.

Yes, four times.

My first birth was not what I would have hoped but the 2nd to 5th were. Around 1 hour labours with gas and air. They were pretty perfect births. The only small issue was going from having no baby to a baby in an hour is pretty shocking on your body but I still got up straight away, was walking around and home within 4 hours.

Now my pregnancies are horrendous.

Yes. I absolutely did.

BTW my first birth wasn't that bad. It just wasn't what I wanted and I was 17 and scared. It was a long labour (well 12 hours from 3cm but to get from 2cm to 3cm took two days) and I needed a ventouse delivery as my epidural was very strong and I couldn't feel when to push or feel my legs. I think they are much better with epidurals now?

Even then I did not tear or need cutting so I can't really complain about it.

Good luck OP

Yep, I was very lucky. Both were born within about 20 mins of reaching hospital with no analgesia other than paracetamol. It really wasn't especially painful. With both I had very easy contractions for about 24hrs before the birth but totally went about my normal activities- went to visit people, went for coffee etc. Then it ramped up a few hours before the birth and I delivered very quickly and easily with only a few pushes at hospital. No nasty tears, no problems.

I didn’t think I was going to get the birth I wanted because I was consultant-led and had to give birth on the delivery suite. I also had an induction scheduled at 40 weeks due to my previous history of multiple miscarriage. I wanted a less medicalised experience and was quite nervous and disappointed.

Surprisingly, I got exactly the birth I would have hoped for - a quick spontaneous labour, and despite being on delivery suite, I didn’t even see a doctor, just two lovely midwives. Used hypnobirthing techniques to get me through it and DD was born very quickly, 8 days early and I only had a tiny first degree tear internally, which needed a couple of stitches. I felt amazing afterwards!

picklepost

You stated people who were just glad to have got through birth with them and baby alive and okay were ignorant and insensitive, now I'm a martyr too, for sharing that I had a long difficult labour that ended in an operation, despite all the prep I'd done and not being afraid (and thank God I did get that c section or I wouldn't be typing this). I'd tried to see the positive but your post pissed me off, so i posted again with more info. What part of being glad it turned out okay in the end, makes me ignorant? What is your problem?

*I excuse typos

I had two straightforward vaginal births in a gorgeous NHS midwife led unit. I even enjoyed the pushing stage - it's absolutely mindblowingly strange and powerful.

I'd take labour over pregnancy any day of the week.

The OP wanted to hear about people who got the birth they planned, I think there are some really insensitive people in here sharing the very opposite. Why when you're pregnant do people insist on sharing the difficult experiences, especially liken now when she's asked for positive ones ffs.

Failed induction and a section which sounds crap but we had no birth damage for which I am ever thankful and actually I enjoyed the birth a lot.

Op true horror stories with bad outcomes are rare these days, what happened to me was just the joys of being tiny (under 5ft, size 2 feet, and I'd been warned it might happen). I found breathing excercises helped, as did being on my knees and having my back rubbed (I had back to back labour though), and being in the birthing pool (I'd hoped to have a water birth). Even if everything doesn't go exactly to plan, it'll be worth it when you meet dc best feeling in the world seeing your baby for the first time. I do hope you get the birth you want though, anything that makes it more comfortable and bearable, and less traumatic for you can only be a plus. Those balls you can bounce on are great too btw.

@Getoffthetableplease people share stories of the unexpected because all those women who only listen to positive stories and think lovely hypnobirthing breathing techniques will get them through are often very shocked and traumatised if that turns out not to be the case. It's important to be realistic in the run up to the birth, not just stick your head in the sand.

Both my deliveries were great. Gas and air, short and sweet with no stitches needed either time. The only down side was that both babies were small and ended up needing to stay for blood sugar management and phototherapy but I had a cubicle and they were with me so All was well.

Both my deliveries were very similar. Both arrived at 37+4 and period type cramps started 12 hours prior to birth. The actual full on contractions were just for a few hours prior to birth but after show. First was born in a birthing pool with gas and air in 21 mins of arriving to hospital - 2nd degree tearing needing stitches but recovered all fine. Second was born standing with gas and air in 34 mins of arriving to hospital - just a little grazing so felt fine from the next day - I wanted another water birth but didn't have enough time for the pool to fully fill as he wanted out. So although the second wasn't exactly to plan, I was glad with the way it went because I didn't need stitches. Both were by student midwives and I found that they allowed me to go with whatever my body was saying. I would say with my second I ended up at a hospital in a different county because my chosen hospital was full and where they were diverting patients to I wouldn't have made it so have a back up hospital in mind if your hospital is full - but as I said they tried to accommodate what I wanted and I had my own room both times so the privacy really helped.

But your mind and body absolutely will have a reaction to that fear, that's not helpful to anyone. In a genuine emergency you just end up having to go with it anyway, knowing that terrible situation x happened to whichever other person isn't going to fucking help. Teaching yourself coping techniques so you can stop yourself freaking out isn't burying your head in the sand either.

Not exactly to plan, but I was happy with how the labours went after.
Wanted a water birth with my first, but she was born 32 weeks so wasn't able to but after experiencing it I was glad I wasn't in water as would have worried about not being in control of moving towards the end of labour.
Second was 28 weeks and they didn't realise how quick I went from 0cm-baby coming so didn't get any gas and air as they said to wait until i was further on but it was over in 2 hours so didn't mind too much.
Third went perfectly, 37 weeks, 2 hour labour, gas and air straight away. I didn't want any pain relief that went through to the baby beforehand but asked for diamorphine/pethadine during it but ended up being too far on for it to kick in so they said there wouldn't be much point and was glad after that I hadn't had it.

Well I didn't have a fixed idea of a birth I wanted. I just wanted the baby to be born safely. So I did get the birth I wanted twice!!

First - twins, induced, labor all day, gas and air, epidural, forceps.

Second - induced, thought I was constipated, bleed and foot poking out, missed breech, very quick then, no time for any pain relief, born in 20 mins.

The hard bit was actually looking after the baby and being responsible for a tiny human!

I got a healthy baby. That was my plan. That should be all anyone plans to have. The amount of pressure to have some romanticised perfect birth is bollocks. More babies survive now than they used to. Why? Because when required there is intervention. It's like parenting- so many Instagram and social media accounts of the 'perfect' experience- the perfect experience is a healthy Mum and baby coming home.

I do think that the thought I put into labour beforehand, helped me get over the birth after. I tried to think realistically. I'd psyched myself up for having a massive episiotomy, like my similarly tiny framed grandmother did, did meditation and breathing excercises (which I still do now and again when I'm stressed), kept reasurring myself I would be in good hands and in the right place if anything went wrong, that a section would soon put me and baby right etc. Had thought about how I would feel after, had support in place (stayed with my mum for the first few weeks). All I wanted was to get through it alive and well, without letting myself get hysterical (I know fear can actually stop labour progressing), and that's what I did. I think it's awful when women feel like they've "failed" somehow because they had pain meds or other intervention. Natural is not always the best way, I'll have an elected section if I ever get pregnant again. Should have insisted on that the first time, but in a way glad I didn't, as at least I got to experience labour (ha and plenty of it).

Absolutely agreed! A traumatic birth can lead to PND, PTSD, trouble bonding with baby, trouble breast feeding etc. OP I am sure this won't happen to you, however I think it is so important that people understand the significance a positive birthing experience can have on a woman, her baby and her partner.

We also need to acknowledge that birth is a brutal experience. That without intervention death rates are very high. I'm not sure how useful it is to teach women that a non traumatic birth is her birthright (for want of a better term).

A lot depends on how you define a positive birth experience. If you widen it out beyond the non medicated vaginal ideal your point is more valid. For example, my second birth was an elective c section and I'd class that as a 'positive' experience because I had a much more negative birth experience to compare it to.

My first DS was born as a crash cs under GA. Without the crash section he would have died. I didn't give a fuck about that (fairly traumatic) birth experience. All I cared about was that he was delivered safely.

We also need to acknowledge that birth is a brutal experience. That without intervention death rates are very high. I'm not sure how useful it is to teach women that a non traumatic birth is her birthright (for want of a better term).

100% agree. Im someone who was rather in the ‘birth is often over medicalised/hypnobirthing/ trust your body camp. I was low risk for pregnancy and birth. If I hadn’t had my baby in hospital and they hadn’t acted quickly I would 100% not be here writing this (very rapid onset of sepsis during labour). This happened 3 days ago and my main concern is my baby now. Like any other near death experience I just can’t see myself ever thinking ‘oh no that birth plan went out the window’ I’m thinking ‘thank fuck they saved my life’. I really think it’s sensible for pregnant women to Acknowledge that actually pregnancy and birth can be life threatening. Though rarely thanks to modern medicine. Things you can never predict can happen.

No induced, but it really in the grand scheme of things it really doesn't matter. It was one day of my life which I wasn't in control and it was fine. It was as completely different to what I expected and I am grateful I have my DS here safe. I can't say I loved all of the healthcare professionals I met but different styles help different people. I thought I didn't need any help but I really did.

I think if birth has bothered you then some counselling would be of great benefit.

I do think the term birth plan is misleading as it's very much idealistic.

Didn't get the birth I wanted with either of mine, but I wasn't too bothered about it anyway.

I liked the idea of the domino room and the water bath. I took a good look at each. In the event, both were busy so I had to go for a standard induction.

I carried a lot of water for both births, but I think even the midwife wasn't prepared for the tidal wave that soaked her when DS was born - they apparently heard the splash down at the midwife's staff room
I certainly didn't plan for that to happen!

Op, you want to read through this thread to prepare you :

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2785743-to-ask-what-funny-things-you-said-in-labour

SD1978 is onto something there though as I do strongly believe half the reason I am suffering so badly from guilt and feeling like I failed is because of the pressure of having a "perfect birth". The Hypno-Birth course I done still taunts me now in my mind at how I failed.