Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Did anyone get the birth they wanted?

269 replies

JillianHoltzmann · 15/09/2018 03:55

I'm 40+1 today and just read the thread about not getting the birth you wanted. To be honest, it scared the crap out of me! I totally get the need to share your experience, especially after a traumatic birth, but in the interest of balance I have to ask- did anyone's birth go exactly as planned?

OP posts:
LegoInjury · 15/09/2018 08:10

First birth couldn't have been further from what I'd wanted (crash section under GA). Second was quite a healing experience although not quite the peaceful waterbirth I'd planned, still a great homebirth. Sadly both times the pressure I put myself under to breastfeed and failure to succeed were massive contributors to PND.

stellabird · 15/09/2018 08:12

My birth plan was " It is what it is" so consequently I wasn't expecting anything. I had two perfectly normal deliveries, both with episiotomiies but nothing else untoward. All good.

bellinisurge · 15/09/2018 08:12

Not even close. In fact I was told by mws that "we don't bother with plans really ". Which explains the dreadful experience I endured to give birth. And the aftermath which saw me back in hospital. And the reconstructive surgery ordered by another hospital.

Snoopychildminder · 15/09/2018 08:13

Erm yes and no.
I wanted a water birth, that didn’t happen. But it was quick (relatively) and my hypnobirthing worked fairly well.

I had to be induced at 38 weeks as my placenta had matured, and they were worried baby wasn’t getting any nutrients from me. It took ages for anything to kick off (almost two days) but once contractions started I reached 5cm pretty quickly and then after that she was born in a few hours, I was on a drip and the contractions heated up fast but my hypnobirthing really helped. My husband was a star, he put some frank Sinatra on and I calmed right down.

I think the key going into childbirth, especially the first one, try not to get hung up on the details, things change and try to go with the flow, not everything may happen as you wish, but that’s ok!

SilverbytheSea · 15/09/2018 08:15

In my antenatal group only 2 births out of 14 of us didn’t go to plan, but both of us still had our babies safely delivered so the long complicated road was still worth it 🙂

QuickWash · 15/09/2018 08:15

Yes!

2 home water births which were exciting and empowering and fantastic experiences!

I also had one in hospital which wasn't the plan but was a brilliant birth nonetheless.

Mammyloveswine · 15/09/2018 08:16

My second was amazing... I had a water birth with just a little gas and air for pushing. It was so calm and the midwives just left me to it. They didn't "check"she told me to trust in my own body. It was honestly amazing. Of course it hurt but i felt amazing and so in awe of my body! I did tear but it healed easily and it wasn't painful.after!

Idontbelieveinthemoon · 15/09/2018 08:21

The first one, absolutely not. I'd set so much store by my ideas for birth.

The second one, absolutely. I went full-term and on the day he was meant to be induced I went into labour naturally around 4am. I showered, dropped DS1 to school (his headteacher was also my boss and turning up on the playground and mentioning to her that i was currently in labour and leaning on the fence whilst a contraction happened was hilarious when I thought about it afterwards), went to the hospital, got into the bath and spent 4 hours in there.

I was told I had to get out of the bath to deliver so they checked me every so often and when I was ready, two Midwives came in and announced it was happening. I don't recall much pain, just pressure, and out came DS2 inside his sac. They put him on my chest, brought me a cup of tea and some toast and a couple of hours later we went home via the chippy.

I remember thinking to myself that it was just a surreally lovely day. I'd forced myself not to write a birth plan, knowing from DS1's labour that nothing in that way was inside my control (and I'm a huge control freak so that was a shock to the system), but yeah, as labours go it was genuinely just a lovely labour.

Lethaldrizzle · 15/09/2018 08:25

No particular plans apart from giving birth to a healthy baby although didnt want caesareans or epidurals. All mine were fine

Ikabod · 15/09/2018 08:27

My first one, yes. The midwife followed my birth plan and thankfully baby complied.

My second birth started off well but there was a minor complication which meant I had to give birth out of the pool and have the injection to speed up delivery of the placenta (I hate injections!) but otherwise that went pretty much to plan too, though I wish I had more pain management options available to me for that one!

I realise I'm very lucky indeed, and had my babies in an MLU.

HTH Smile

MaggieAndHopey · 15/09/2018 08:29

@PoxAlert "that panic time"

You put it so well! I remember that really clearly with my first - the midwife had left the room, what I now realise was the 'transition phase' started and suddenly I was clutching the bed, shouting at my husband "GET SOMEONE! DO SOMETHING!", though what I expected him to do I don't know.

BobSays · 15/09/2018 08:33

Well - both births resulted in gorgeous, happy babies :) and after the final push on both occasions, I was over the moon! I also got tea and toast, as hoped for, at some point in the hours that followed labour! So in some ways, yes!

Did I have the serene, midwife-led water birth s I'd dreamed of - ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!!! Not for either birth!

To be honest, I didn't care! When labour happens, you just want to get through it, get baby out, and for both of you to be safe!

It'll be fine OP - you can't plan really for what will happen, be prepared to go with whatever results in the safest birth

Good luck :) best wishes for being a mummy! It's the most amazing, life changing experience you can go through Flowers

ifoundthebread · 15/09/2018 08:34

My second I laboured at home for as long as possible, I even put my daughter to bed and read a bed time story. I rang my partner for him to come home from work and then he helped me stay calm while I laboured some more in the bath. He dicided it was time to go to the hospital when I started being sick, so off we went. Got there and I was 9.5cm, was there less than half an hour, did 3 maybe 4 pushes and tada. My 9lb 1oz boy was here.

SleepingBooty · 15/09/2018 08:38

Both of mine were overdue, the first was a heavily medicalised induction but with the 2nd, I went in for the induction but I was already in labour (I didn't realise) so I was able to have the water birth I wanted.

1stTimeMama · 15/09/2018 09:10

I've had 4 brilliant births.

I've never written a birth plan. To me, I was going in to it with the knowledge that whatever happened, happened, and I would deal with it. I think a birth plan might put too much pressure on the situation, when it can actually be a relaxed and peaceful experience.

makingmammaries · 15/09/2018 09:19

Nope. I have 5 kids and none of them was the birth I wanted, if ‘wanting’ a birth is a thing. But I have the kids I wanted (on a good day) whereas someone close to me refused a CS and the child is severely disabled. So I’m tempted to say: sod what happens at the birth, as long as you and the baby come out of it OK.

HanSpan1 · 15/09/2018 09:25

I am 40 + 11 today, i can feel my ideal birth slipping through my fingers as i had my heart set on MLU, i have come to terms now of a possible induction (for tomorrow), i have been watching positive induction video’s.

Sassielassie · 15/09/2018 09:36

1st one was v traumatic. Induced. Foreceps, emergency C and then they discovered he was lodged in the birth canal and had to push him back in to get him out by section. 2nd one was a breeze. Laboured by my self so didnt actually realise to begin with then had a relatively short labour and text book delivery. By the time DH had made all his phone calls i was up eating toast & tea & had reapplied make up for pics haha Grin

GertrudetheFifth · 15/09/2018 09:37

My birth didn’t go as planned - induction, laboured in birthing pool, all progressed nicely but then didn’t progress further once fully dilated for 3hr and CS. But it was still a lovely experience - the midwife with me was so nice and kind (as were all the staff in the birthing unit), it was very peaceful and controlled, I felt very safe and in good hands, and I ended up with a healthy baby and a fast recovery. My friends who also gave birth at this hospital say the same - even when it didn’t proceed totally as planned (e.g. hemorrhaging) or things were scary that the staff were wonderful, and had everything in control.

So even if your birth doesn’t go exactly as you intended, it doesn’t necessarily have to be a bad experience.

Mouikey · 15/09/2018 09:39

I’m not sure I really understood but had an in depth 10 page plan (control freak!) which after thinking about it I reduced down!!!

I was expecting an elective cs as consultant didn’t want me to go over 40 weeks. But LO decided to come on her due date. Was in labour during the day and went to hospital at about 7:30pm... was 9.5 cm!!!

Managed to use hypnobirthing and a bit of gas and air in the pool and out she popped in her sac! All done by 8:30pm.

What we didn’t expect was the week in hospital as she breathed in her meconium, but to be honest that gave us the space to bond and sort out breast feeding without worrying about cleaning or cooking!

CountessVonBoobs · 15/09/2018 09:41

I did with my first. Calm labour in water at MLU and totally straightforward birth with no tears, intervention or pain relief. It does happen.

Lana1234 · 15/09/2018 09:45

Personally no but I also never had a birth plan really. The only thing I didn’t want was forceps so of course I ended up having forceps. It wasn’t a good experience for me and it took some time to deal with but as you can see from the replies everyone is different.

OhTheRoses · 15/09/2018 09:45

HanSpan dd (3rd birth) reached 41.1 (I elected for the induction due to difficult pg.

Arrived at 9ish. Had a pessary and not much happened. Doc came at 1ish to break my waters - didn't like him so refused. Went for a good walk with dh pending 6pm shift change

Had a nice chat to next dr who recommended syntocynon drip. I agreed but only providing I had an epidural before they started it. I was not even dilating. This was agreed.

Anaesthetist arrived at about 7 30 and did epidural. Midwife trotted off to get syntocynon. Felt a little pressure and waters broke. Was contracting by 8.30. About 1/2 centimetre. Wanted to push at 10ish and midwife said it must be babies head descending into pelvis. Midwife had a quick look under covers and called someone to get a birthing bag.

There was lots of gentle pressure and mild pushing. DD was born at 11.50pm, 8lb 13oz, a lovely birth, no stitches and a very very pink and healthy baby.

Good luck - it can and does happen well. (I might have learnt to be quite firm about what I wanted after the first time).

Morethanthisprovincallife · 15/09/2018 09:48

Yes, when I was given my requested elc. It was bliss compared to labour. Recovery wasn't quick for me like others on here but it was fine.

WineAndTiramisu · 15/09/2018 09:49

I think it helped that I didn't have any expectations apart from healthy me and baby.
So when I ended up with an emergency caesarian after 24 hours of labour, it didn't really bother me too much. Got an epidural when I asked for one though, which I was grateful for Grin

Try not to be too set on the type of birth, there lies almost guaranteed disappointment I'm afraid

Swipe left for the next trending thread