Did anyone get the birth they wanted?

[JillianHoltzmann]

I'm 40+1 today and just read the thread about not getting the birth you wanted. To be honest, it scared the crap out of me! I totally get the need to share your experience, especially after a traumatic birth, but in the interest of balance I have to ask- did anyone's birth go exactly as planned?

The first one was long (20 hours from 5cm dilated to birth) and I had an epidural (which I’d said in my birth plan I wouldn’t try to avoid). But there were no complications, I ended up with a healthy baby, I felt in control of my choices, and the epidural did a great job of helping me cope with the pain, so I still had a positive birth experience.

The second and third one were great!

Yes, 3 homebirths, no stitches with any. I did a hypnobirthing course with the first, didn't really use the techniques in labour but the breathing techniques from yoga helped. The birthing pool was amazing. I wasn't really frightened of labour and had a very open mind, what will be will be - however I knew I wanted to avoid intervention as much as possible. Yes, I wanted a healthy baby, but I also wanted to be healthy too.

I did - I wanted a water birth, and I had it in my birthplan that if it got to the point that I needed an epidural, I'd go straight for a caesarean (assuming that the baby wasn't too far down the birth canal) - I didn't want to get to the point where forceps or ventrouse was needed.

Fortunately it wasn't required - waters broke at 11pm, contractions started twenty minutes later, was in hospital for midnight, in the birthing pool by 1am, son popped out just past 3am. Delivered the placenta shortly after, had a minor tear stitched, job done. I felt very lucky!

I did. Elective section. Was lovely.

I didn't plan much, but was very lucky to have two very straightforward births, first labour was about 12 hours in total, second was about 4 (although less than 2 hours in active labour - luckily I had gone to the cafe at the hospital rather than home when they examined me and said I was only 2cm) didn't need any pain relief but I think that was mainly due to the short duration of my labours - by the time I was at the midwife led unit each time I was already almost at the second stage so there was no time even for gas and air! Good luck OP, I hope everything is straightforward for you too

Yes, but in a strange way, I really wanted a Caesarian, I was 43, first child and not very fit. I asked the consultant and they brushed me off saying I was perfectly OK to have a VB. After being induced, and one horrendous contraction, complications developed & I ended up having an EMCS. I was fine with it, my DH was in shock being told he might lose me and the baby ..... but it was the birth I wanted, don't honestly care that I was knocked out ..... but it would have saved the NHS a lot of money if they had allowed a planned Caesarean in the first place.

Agree with Amanduh. My want was for a healthy baby

Yes. Two lovely births in a MLU with gas and air. Ds was born in the evening in the water, and even though there was s shift change for the midwives at the time, it was incredibly peaceful (after the pushing).

I would suggest though that if you have a vaginale birth, you ask if you can be left to deliver the placenta naturally. I had the injection to remove it first time round and I really wasn't ready to have to start pushing things out through my fanjo again - 10 mins to cuddle the baby would have been nice!

Yes! 2 waterbirths at home. No drugs, not even gas and air. 2 hearty sized nearly 9lb DSs

I am so NOT a yoga/zen person but the breathing I learnt at pre-natal yoga worked fabulously. DC1 took ages but pottered as was home, DC2 a bit faster.

I felt like wonderwoman and still do about those births. It was hard work but gave me amazing respect for what my body could do.

Yes and no - coz i didn’t make a birth plan for either dd or ds. Isisng want to waste my time over something I had little control over.

Mine went to plan but it was just the bit after that went wrong. I haemmorhaged and then afterwards, was lying on the tube coming out of my catheter for hours. I couldn't move to check and none of the nurses checked. I was in such pain that I started to mentally shut down. Eventually they realised.

I didn't really have a plan but both of mine were quick and uncomplicated.

Hi OP. I appreciate I've been very lucky but I had three great births, no problems at all. It was work out just fine. Good luck!!

Yes, all four.

The first in hospital. I was very clear I didn’t want intervention unless necessary (as opposed to hospital protocol ie intervention after two hours of pushing). Stood my ground thanks to my birthing partners (baby monitored throughout) and all was well - no tearing or cutting.

Next three births all perfect as planned. At home.

I do think that had the hospital intervened in birth 1 the subsequent births would have been very different.

Hoped to have a home birth with the first. I felt totally in control, but the midwife insisted it was taking too long and I was dragged (literally) to hospital in an ambulance. Lost all control in the hospital, was told I needed an emergency c-section as baby was distressed, ended up with forceps delivery. Baby wasn't breathing when born, needed oxygen and her head was cut and dented from the forceps (she has visible dents to the side of her face to this day which she is extremely conscious of). She also has ASD and I sometimes wonder if her birth experience exacerbated some of her problems. When it came to my second, I didn't want anyone near me during labour. I had him at home and it was one of the best experiences of my life. Midwife was perfect, it all was! Went on to have no. 3 at home too, which was also amazing. Good luck!

Yes two straightforward waterbirths.
The pool happened to be free both times.
I needed no painkillers apart from gas and air (I am not against epidural I am just shit scared of needles so didn't want one, not judging) and they were both girls which made me very happy.

Hmm not really - wanted home births but ended up induced at 42 weeks+ so in hospital and 2 needed ARMS to get going.

BUT my babies were healthy, I delivered unassisted with varying levels of pain relief so they certainly weren't some horrific experience just the induction part dragged on tbh!

Mine didn't go to plan as it was a failed 3 day induction at 39 weeks due to baby being big, no one could find my cervix weirdly despite everyone having a go they gave up with it, a c section then booked and cancelled twice on day 3 and again on day 4 as they had emergency's which I didn't mind one bit about obviously. However.... the whole experience I have zero complaints about, the induction was fine, the section was so much better than I expected and I enjoyed the experience as was the recovery and I was out after 20 hours, knowing what I know now I would happily take a section any day, the staff were all amazing and things didn't go as I expected but I wouldn't change a thing

With DS2 I had the perfect birth. Had (looking back) mild contractions the day before. Went to bed well. Woke up at 5:30 am in labour. Got to the lovely midwife led cottage hospital, got in the pool and by half 6 he was here.

Please don’t worry - it’s so daunting I know but you’ll have your lovely baby soon

I did. Near enough elective caesarean owing to breech baby. Calm, painless, despite being driven to hosp by fab gynaecologist herself owing to a few complications, continental hospital in private room, lovely grub, brilliant nursing including physio, psych counselling and first time mother/baby tuition all standard and included in charge (75% of which was reimbursed owing to obligatory state subsidised medical insurance here). DH allowed to sleep alongside me on camp bed during entire stay. Out of it for four days (had to have extra drugs at one point for various reasons) but evening of day four we could order red wine with dinner and we did! Very civilised!

My first wasn't bad, but I didn't enjoy it either.

My second was perfect! I thoroughly enjoyed it :) had a brilliant midwife.

I did, both times because I got a healthy baby. I didnt make a plan. I would've liked a water birth, but I was high risk so couldn't. First labour was slow and problematic, I had a mobile epi which was amazing and dd1 was born into a moodlit room with minimal pain. It was calm and lovely. Dd2 was induced on her due date due to reduced movements. No time for pain relief as it all happened quickly, however, the pain wasnt as bad as Id feared and because it was quick I didnt get tired. I kept mobile until the last few minutes when her heartrate dropped and I was flipped on to my side. I pushed and she was born with the cord wrapped around her neck. They recusitated her quickly and I had my baby. Reading that back, it doesnt sound wonderful, but it was. The midwives, both times, were brilliant and I trusted them and listened to them. The complications were quickly forgotten once I held my girls. Both times I felt like an amazonian warrior afterwards, strong, powerful and proud. Id have felt the same if id had a section (almost did with dd1). Try not to plan it. Have an idea of what you would like but listen to the midwives. The 'perfect' birth is another unatainable thing made up by instamummy types that gives the rest of us false expectations. Both of my births were wonderful, even though they were complicated. The only thing that was truly hard to come to terms with was the 'what if' thoughts after dd2 had the cord around her neck. We would have lost her, had I not been listened to and induced. But I was, so I focus on the positives. Good luck and be kind to yourself.

I wanted a water birth in the midwife led unit. Definitely no epidural or episiotomy or lying on my back on a bed.
Of course I gave birth on my back on a bed with my legs in stirrups and an epidural due to meconium in the waters with #1. I actually announced to the room before I started pushing “This is the EXACT opposite of the birth I wanted!”
It was absolutely fine and I was so happy with the whole experience,despite being distraught when I realised I wouldn’t get my water birth initially.

That first birth was so good, in fact, that I considered asking for an epidural from the start with #2. I decided to go for a water birth again though, but again didn’t get it as there was no time! Had an active birth with just gas and air on the MLU and it was just as good as the first time.

So you might not get the birth you want, but that doesn’t mean it won’t be the experience you are hoping it will be. I would highly recommend hypnobirthing as a way to prepare - even if it’s just listening to a cd like I did. I felt like Superwoman after both as every woman should, and I hope you do too, OP.

Yep, I wanted safely born children and they were.

My second birth was exactly what I wanted - a lovely, relaxed ELCS. If we ever have a third I'll be choosing that again!