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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Did anyone get the birth they wanted?

269 replies

JillianHoltzmann · 15/09/2018 03:55

I'm 40+1 today and just read the thread about not getting the birth you wanted. To be honest, it scared the crap out of me! I totally get the need to share your experience, especially after a traumatic birth, but in the interest of balance I have to ask- did anyone's birth go exactly as planned?

OP posts:
BlueJava · 15/09/2018 07:44

Yes - I did! I decided to have an elective c-section but went into labour on that morning! Went in and the surgeon came in early and I had what I wanted.

namechangedtoday15 · 15/09/2018 07:45

Yes, I came home with 2 healthy twins followed by a singleton a couple of years later.

Didn't care how they got here, intelligent enough to know that things don't always go to plan and delivery staff would do whatever was best for the babies. So I didn't approach labour with any fixed views and kind of detached myself from it all.

Marriedwithchildren5 · 15/09/2018 07:47

I think you just have to expect the unexpected. Dc1 had a couple of issues but I managed to have her at a mlu. But the best bit was just to have had her!

Dc2 and 3 were all exactly to plan (apart from the overdue bit!)Mlu and water births. Not all plans go out the window.

SoyDora · 15/09/2018 07:49

The only birth I wanted really was a successful one.
First was long and arduous and ended with ventouse (sort of... they attached it but she flew out before they could pull!). Gas and air, although with hindsight I should have had an epidural then maybe I would have got a bit of respite and been less exhausted for the pushing stage.
Number 2 was a dream really. In hospital for 5am, active until the end, baby born with gas and air at 8.30am. No tearing. Hoping for the same again this time!

CaseFace30 · 15/09/2018 07:49

No. I wanted a water birth and no epidural (ha) with the midwife led unit. Also didn't want a sweep or induction as people told me they led to more likely needing medical intervention.

Well I had a sweep when I was 3 days overdue, 2 days later I started labour and was bleeding so went to the doctor led unit, had an epidural and then needed an episiotomy and forceps delivery. So for the most part the things I was worried about and didn't want to happen, happened. But overall the birth wasn't bad and I think about the whole experience in a positive light.
You just can't control what may happen.

BonApp · 15/09/2018 07:49

I had two natural hypno water births. Both lovely. Listen to the positive stories. You’ll be fine OP

Same here. Couldn’t agree more Smile

OrdinaryGirl · 15/09/2018 07:51

#1 birth: hypnobirthing horror show.

#2 birth: Elective 'natural/gentle' C-Section for my twins that went exactly as planned and was an absolutely lovely, joyous experience 😍 Wish I'd had one for DS1.

Crackedvase · 15/09/2018 07:54

I have had 3 very good births. Dc1, a few complications (very very rare- snapped cord) but only in labour a few hours, and my only regret was taking pethadine- it made me so tired and didnt help enough to be worth it.
Dc2&3 both dreamy. Both natural, under 2 hours start to finish. Tore slighty both times but healed no problem. Just gas and air during transition. Really nice experiences x

Asterado · 15/09/2018 07:55

Yes. First was a vaginal delivery, never had a birth plan, just did whatever I wanted to do at the time. Having no expectations really helped!
Second was a ELCS due to injury from the first and much like PP I was in at sparrows fart in the morning and baby with me by 9.15. Really relaxed and home the next day.

giggleshizz · 15/09/2018 07:55

I got the birth I wanted because I went in with no preconceptions or rigid plan. My birth plan was to trust the professionals and have a safe birth. The staff were great and my dd was delivered safely in theatre via forcepts. I appreciate this doesn't work for everyone but I guess I never paid a lot of thought to the having the baby bit, my focus was on the bit after that i.e. looking after baby. I'm not sure I really think birth plans are a good idea but I appreciate they work for some and we are all different. I just saw it as a means to an end, eg the journey didn't matter as much as the prize at the end.

PasDevantLesElephants · 15/09/2018 07:57

Well yes, in that it happened, I'm alive (and not dealing with any significant physical consequences) and my babies are alive and healthy.

I'm not trying to diminish your concerns, but I never had any expectations beyond that and from this side looking it back, anything else feels like so much unimportant detail.

I hope you get the birth you want.

FourForYouGlenCoco · 15/09/2018 07:58

Yep, 3x lovely, relaxed births here. I’m fully aware it’s largely down to luck and genetics, but the post-birth hormone high left me feeling like a superhero every time. Minor tears (no stitches) with 1 and 2, not even a graze with 3. Happy, healthy babies who all latched on straight away and fed like troopers. No major issues, no lasting damage. It’s not necessarily the norm but it’s definitely possible.

MarmaLaid · 15/09/2018 08:00

1st didn’t go to plan and I was induced but it was totally fine and some parts I even enjoyed (on the drugs Grin) 2nd delivery was so to plan, even the day and time was kind of an ideal time as my dc1 was at school so no other childcare needed

FourForYouGlenCoco · 15/09/2018 08:00

Oh and I never had an expectation or a birth plan - I went in all 3x with a ‘go with the flow and see what happens’ attitude and I think it helped. Birth is what it is, if you set yourself up with a ‘right way’ and a ‘wrong way’ I think maybe you’re more likely to be disappointed.

MarmaLaid · 15/09/2018 08:01

I think also as mentioned, I didn’t have any expectations, just a loose plan but was willing to go with the flow.

Steelesauce · 15/09/2018 08:02

Yep because all 3 times I just wanted a healthy baby

SkaTastic · 15/09/2018 08:03

Yes I did. With number 3 I had a home birth and it was amazing. I did lots of reading about positive birth storied and did my own version of hypnobirthing. I had just gas and air and gave birth to my 10 pound boy on my bed with my midwife, husband and Mum. It was amazing. Good luck OP you can do this!!

loubeylou68smellsofreindeerpoo · 15/09/2018 08:03

I planned for the baby to arrive safely and for me to be well. Other than that just to go with the flow

MaggieAndHopey · 15/09/2018 08:04

I had two uncomplicated, relatively quick labours. The first (induced at 40+10) resulted in a small tear (more of a 'graze' according to the midwife - she did stitch it though), the second was spontaneous at the same gestation. Both under 5 hours. I never got to try out the birth pool either time, but that obviously doesn't matter. I didn't do hypnobirthing or remember how to breath properly or any of that. Good births do happen!

Fatted · 15/09/2018 08:05

Mine didn't go to plan with the first. I won't go into details because they will only upset you.

I think a lot of people like to share about things not going to plan because in the grand scheme of things, they realise that birth is actually out of anyone's control. You can have the best laid plans but that doesn't mean they will happen.

By focusing on a particular type of birth I wanted, I didn't research into other types of birth. So when I then found myself in that situation I was unprepared. It also made things difficult to accept afterwards.

You need to be flexible and go in well informed with your eyes open. Have a plan. But accept that plan could very quickly go out the window and there is nothing you could do to change that.

MaggieAndHopey · 15/09/2018 08:06

(I also had no birth plan. And discovered that I love gas & air)

WhereIsBlueRabbit · 15/09/2018 08:06

Me personally, no - but I would think of it as what you hope for than a birth plan. I hoped for a water birth in the MLU but went very overdue and ended up with a failed induction and EMCS. (If you end up going very overdue, do your research and ask questions before consenting to induction so you have a good understanding of the process and how likely it is to work - it was presented to me as a fait accompli and no information was given about the likelihood of ending up with a section, etc).

But out of the six of my NCT group who gave birth around the same time, three had births which went pretty much to plan and one had a relatively uncomplicated birth. I know more people who have had a birth go to plan second time round than first, but it just depends on so many things, most of which you can't control.

Fireworks91 · 15/09/2018 08:07

All of mine were different but ok.

#3 lovely, though not everyone's cup of tea. Waters went at home, contractions started shortly after. Went in as needed IV antibiotics for strep b, no room in labour ward but had empty room so sat there. #2 baby was super quick so we suspected this one may be, they knew I was worried about tearing as had nasty 3rd degree one from #2 with associated blood loss. So when it inevitably sped up and I went from 3 CMS to 10 in about 20 mins I was moved to labour ward, given morphine as per my request and a few minutes later out popped #3. He was born with 2 lovely midwives starting up my whatnot with a lamp so they could tell me when I was ready to really push to avoid the scenario of #2. He was 8lb6, calm and squidgy and latched on within minutes.

Lovely and just what I wanted.

JynxaSmoochum · 15/09/2018 08:08

My first bith was definitely not a plan A birth and it hit me quite hard as there were no forseeable reasons to anticipate the way it unfolded. I went with the flow, but the flow was not great.

So second time, I was armed with a detailed birth plan. You can't control how it will go BUT being assertive about setting yourself up comfortably makes a big difference mentally. My birth plan enabled me to be comfortable over a birthing ball despite monitoring and SPD, not just lumped up on to a bed with the monitors by default sending me back to my previous flashbacks where everything was spiraling into chaos. I had natal hypnotherapy tracks looping on repeat on the MP3 which maintained a calm atmosphere. None of this prevented ending up in an operating theatre and sustaining an unpleasant birth injury, BUT I remember birth 2 with a sense of calm in the hours building up which outweighs those final minutes and it did a lot to heal my mind from the first birth. Smile

PoxAlert · 15/09/2018 08:10

I didn't get exactly what I wanted (had written water birth was something I'd like) but I did get very close and was very happy with that my requests were heard and I truly felt the midwives didn't just go along with me, but enjoyed doing so.

I didn't want an epidural so they were strict with me when it was that panic time and I started begging, they completely supported me with delayed clamping and kept showing me and DH the cord and talking about what it was doing so we were confident when we did cut it it was definitely time. They were happy that I didn't want the injection to pass the placenta quicker and when I did deliver it she even showed me it all etc.

Was really chill and I felt very supported and even learnt lots!

So while I didn't get the water birth, I feel I had a positive birth and was treated very nicely.