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Original poster

Daughter given to family friend at school gate without permission

344 replies

Becklington · 14/09/2018 21:49

Hi
I found out that a new teacher in my daughter's first week at primary school, at school pick up time, gave her to a friend of ours. Our friend, who the teacher does not know at all, thought she was meant to pick her up. The school asks that any parent emails or tells them in person requests for a different person picking up. Clearly this had not happened. I am really upset as a stranger, to all intents and purposes, picked up.our daughter. Our friend said she had to be quite insisting to get her to come with her as my daughter is very shy but the teacher let her go. Clearly she came to no harm but I have lost all faith, trust and confidence. I am wondering if I should report this breach of basic safeguarding...any thoughts please?

OP posts:
GrowThroughWhatYouGoThrough · 14/09/2018 22:49

If she's on the list to pick up then yes I do think your being unreasonable.

MarklahMarklah · 14/09/2018 22:49

How old is the child?

At my DD's old school, children were picked up by parents/authorised carers. If, for whatever reason they were unable to pick up and someone else was "drafted in" (for want of a better way of framing it) at the last minute, then the school would need to be informed. If the teacher was not aware of the change in arrangements, there'd be a delay. No child was allowed to leave the playground without their authorised adult.
About 6 months ago, I was asked by a friend if I could pick up her children as she had an emergency situation at work and nobody else available (single parent, grandparents away). I agreed and she rang the school to authorise. When I got to pick up, the class teacher wasn't aware of the change in arrangements. The child stayed in the classroom, and I stayed in the playground until the teacher had cleared with the office that I was meant to be there.

Now DD is at a different school (ages 8yrs upwards) and there are staff on the school gates. Children are met at the designated collection points by an adult but there is now no need to advise of who is picking up. Any children 'milling around' without an adult are corralled back onto school premises by staff. The school building and playground are staffed to keep watch for any issues.

I think that there is a potential safeguarding issue here if the teacher just 'backed down' when your friend argued/was forceful about pick up. However, I do think a lot depends on the age of the child.

nakedscientist · 14/09/2018 22:50

OP you've not ever got on the bus and put your shopping in the fly space by any chance have you?

mollymawk · 14/09/2018 22:51

Sorry, I am actually laughing out loud at the total confusion on this thread. Love the updates. “No.” “Yes.”

Original poster
Becklington · 14/09/2018 22:51

Thank you for all the comments etc. It's been interesting.
I've never posted on a forum before so some confusion on my part re. How to reply to messages.
It seems to have provoked a lot of debate.
I will speak to head as friend who was not on any list did pick my daughter which shouldn't have been allowed. And yes, my husband was late by about a minute and the playground is extensive so did not see from afar. And, for those who need to know why I wasn't there, I work full time and yes, my husband looks after our children.

OP posts:
Holidayshopping · 14/09/2018 22:53

our friend thought it was her turn to pick up and got muddled up and picked her up.

So she does pick up sometimes then?

So, between you, your DH and your family friend-none if you knew wtf was going on when it came to collecting one child.

Yes-blame the teacher who has 29 other children to look after-it must be her fault for the total cock up.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 14/09/2018 22:53

No way was he a minute late, stop it.

Nacreous · 14/09/2018 22:54

So Child is at old school and is picked up by mother, father or friend.

Child moved to new school, has never been picked up by friend at new school. Some muddle occurs, she arrives to pick her up.

She may or may not be on the list of acceptable adults. Which is true OP?

She pushed to be allowed to take child and was allowed, but bumped into father in playground on way out.

Is that a fair summary?

Nacreous · 14/09/2018 22:55

Ahh, not on list. Cross post, sorry OP.

Holidayshopping · 14/09/2018 22:55

Reading the OP’s replies, I cannot imagine how any communication errors happened Hmm.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 14/09/2018 22:56

Today is Friday, op. If your friend is supposed to be picking her up next week (as you’ve said previously) why isn’t she on the list?
When would it have occurred to you to mention it to the school??

Imustbemad00 · 14/09/2018 23:01

I think the point is, is that it’s a new school year and the new teacher wouldn’t of met the friend before so could of been a complete stranger. It’s really not hard to understand. My school doesn’t have a designated list of people but you would inform the teacher if they haven’t met that person before

ManicStreetTeacher · 14/09/2018 23:02

Tell you what. Get your child's teacher to focus on who may or may not be picking her up that day (by the sounds of it from a pool of only a few), rather than on her job of teaching your child. #teacherbashing

categed · 14/09/2018 23:03

But he was more than a minute late to the collection point to be fair, your daughter would have been the last to leave and the forceful friend had to become forceful then meet him half way across playground. So maybe 5 mins plus late in all honesty.
However as you have not yet put your friend on any list, even though she is meant to be picking your daughter up on Monday, then the school were negligent and failed in their duty of care. So report to the head as it does need to be flagged. The apologise for the latenesa of your request to add 'stranger' to ok adults to pick up your child. Please remember that even with just 15 5 years olds to see safely to different places. Home time is mayhem and stressful for staff. So help them out by being on time, except in an emergency and giving plenty of advance notice about changes to safe adults for pick ups.

SheCameFromGreeceSheHadaThirst · 14/09/2018 23:05

No way was he a minute late, stop it.

That's his story and he's sticking to it. The entire 'forcible removal fracas' happened in under 60 seconds. True dat.

Feefeetrixabelle Fri 14-Sep-18 22:42:23
Have you at any point given the school a list of names for collection? Is this friends name on the list?

Becklington Fri 14-Sep-18 22:43:09
Yes

But now you're saying you did not give a list to the school with friend's name on it? Are you on a massive wind up here?

AlevelConfusion · 14/09/2018 23:06

Well I understood you from the start, OP
The teacher shouldn't have let your dd go with someone who they didn't know. I would have a quiet word with the school.
Oh and make sure you let them know who can pick her up in the future.

indianwoman · 14/09/2018 23:10

If you could communicate to the school and your friend as well as you communicate on this thread, no wonder they got muddled up!

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 14/09/2018 23:12

How could you have understood from the start when op is still not entirely clear in the matter of whether the friend is on the list?
Maybe you should explain it to her, since you appear to be the only one on the thread who does understand (including op!)

LagunaBubbles · 14/09/2018 23:15

Really simple. My husband was in playground on way to get her, our friend thought it was her turn to pick up and got muddled up and picked her up

Yes now you've said that, but initially there was no explanation apart from Thanks for my husband, her father which made no sense!

AlevelConfusion · 14/09/2018 23:16

Ha ha, she's not on the list yet as she's not due to pick her up till next week.

AnnieAnoniMoose · 14/09/2018 23:16

The child knew the friend.

The world hasn’t ended.

Move on.

UsedBySomebodyAlready · 14/09/2018 23:22

God I feel sorry for schools and teachers having to deal with this shit. Why can't people manage their own lives?

someonekillbabyshark · 14/09/2018 23:26

@Becklington REPORT IT! This is awful to me, my nieces and nephew live with my mum full time thank god there mum and dad have never tried to pick them up from school but if they had been in that idiots class it looks like he would of sent them on their way with their drugged up parents!!
Very lucky for your DD she has parents but some children don't some children know there mum and may walk of with her even though she isn't even aloud near the school! Report it for that child not yours who is safe!

@UsedBySomebodyAlready think about it.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 14/09/2018 23:29

Sweet Jesus Hmm

UsedBySomebodyAlready · 14/09/2018 23:30

If people were there to pick up their children (or had arranged a clearly designated and responsible person to in their stead) then no stranger or wayward druggy parent or whatever would be able to. I don't understand how people's admin is THAT shit and it's all the teacher's fault.

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