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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Daughter given to family friend at school gate without permission

344 replies

Becklington · 14/09/2018 21:49

Hi
I found out that a new teacher in my daughter's first week at primary school, at school pick up time, gave her to a friend of ours. Our friend, who the teacher does not know at all, thought she was meant to pick her up. The school asks that any parent emails or tells them in person requests for a different person picking up. Clearly this had not happened. I am really upset as a stranger, to all intents and purposes, picked up.our daughter. Our friend said she had to be quite insisting to get her to come with her as my daughter is very shy but the teacher let her go. Clearly she came to no harm but I have lost all faith, trust and confidence. I am wondering if I should report this breach of basic safeguarding...any thoughts please?

OP posts:
Lougle · 14/09/2018 22:23

Oh X-post, so friend hasn't yet picked up or been put on 'pick up list' yet? That changes everything. If you haven't told school about friend yet, then scrap my post completely.

Original poster
Becklington · 14/09/2018 22:24

No

OP posts:
Rebecca36 · 14/09/2018 22:24

Oh well it sounds like an honest mistake.
I would not report but speak to the teacher who let your daughter go to the friend and explain what went wrong. She/he will be more careful in future.

CrochetBelle · 14/09/2018 22:25

I'd think one of the worst things for a child settling in to a new school would be for dad to be so late picking her up that a 'stranger' managed to convince staff to let them take her and be halfway across the playground before he turned up.

Uzicorn · 14/09/2018 22:26

Why haven't you or DH pre-warned the school to add friend to designated pick-up list?

Original poster
Becklington · 14/09/2018 22:27

That's exactly it.
Apologies for lack of clarity

OP posts:
SheCameFromGreeceSheHadaThirst · 14/09/2018 22:27

No

Oh OP, you could never be accused of giving away information for free, could you? Grin

MsHomeSlice · 14/09/2018 22:31

so why wasn't your husband ther to collect your child?

If your friend had to be insistent then it's really not true that he was strolling through the playground now is it?

Or he'd have come across this charming little Play For Today as it was being enacted and solved all the problems.

Jux · 14/09/2018 22:32

But your friend IS on the list of 'OK people to pick up', isn't she?

5SecondsFromWilding · 14/09/2018 22:33

I imagine the friend panicked and assumed she was picking your DD up when she realised that nobody else had arrived for her, your DH having managed to be late enough to miss all this. And the school, not expecting her to be collecting your DD today but knowing this is a pre existing arrangement, challenged her, but ultimately also acknowledged that nobody else was there for your DD so the friend must have been right.

Jux · 14/09/2018 22:33

And your dh, your child's dad, was there and didn't object.

FunkyBoldRibenas · 14/09/2018 22:33

Does the friend often pick her up?

categed · 14/09/2018 22:35

However a big issues is how late your husband was in picking up daughter. Home time is normally quick, your friend stood and argued with a teacher until they allowed your child to go with her and your husband still isn't on the scene.
Also if friend is picking up from next week you should have told the school. Drip fewding them information means it won't always be passed on in time meaning come monday afternoon they may refuse to allow your daighter to leave with this lady. Think of the upset and distress this is caising your daughter. Be there before bell time, allow the school plenty of notice about who will be picking up your child and the likelyhood of situations like this will be reduced. I genuinely think you have helped to create a situation that you now wish to blame fully on the school.
However do speak to the headteacher, accept your families role, but highlight the fact that someone was able to walk off with your child. But do make sure you did not put your friends name on the accepted people to pick up your child form at her enrolement as if you did the school did nothing wrong.

Tiredtomybones · 14/09/2018 22:37

Not school's fault, if I've understood - though I'm unsure I have. You need to be clearer with the school than you have been here.

TheRealKimmySchmidt63 · 14/09/2018 22:38

You need to be clearer with the school than you have been here.

This

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 14/09/2018 22:40

You’ll have had to provide a list of people authorised to collect your child, just like those to contact in an emergency, surely, isn’t this standard?
The school won’t give a toss if you decree that the same person can pick her up on Tuesday but not on Thursday, there’s no safeguarding issues there.

Uzicorn · 14/09/2018 22:41

There's so much confusion on this thread it's hilarious!

I'm clear now. Friend isn't on list yet. School should have refused friend.

I agree with the first poster, RelentlessSylvia. No harm done this time, so raise with head but don't escalate. The rest of us really weren't needed!

PinkSparklyUnicorn · 14/09/2018 22:42

Yes, report it as it is a safeguarding issue but you may want to sit down with the teacher and clarify who picks up your daughter and when. A note in contact book if someone else that mum/dad for instance..

Feefeetrixabelle · 14/09/2018 22:42

Have you at any point given the school a list of names for collection? Is this friends name on the list?

Original poster
Becklington · 14/09/2018 22:43

Yes.

OP posts:
nakedscientist · 14/09/2018 22:43

If you make a fuss about your friend picking your daughter up and then next week it's her turn, you will cause all sorts of confusion. The school may well refuse to hand her over. ( sorry if I've got this wrong, this hasn't been the clearest thread)

No harm was done so put it down to experience.

Oh and be on time for pickup.

eelbecomingforyou · 14/09/2018 22:44

So the friend had to be really forceful to pick up your dd, and you’re still upset? Your h must have been pretty late...

LilQueenie · 14/09/2018 22:44

Why are you thinking of mentioning this to the school and why didn't your DH do so at the time he was witness to it all.

Forumqueen · 14/09/2018 22:46

If your friend is on the list then there’s no problem

CrochetBelle · 14/09/2018 22:47

Yes, what?

FFS