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Original poster

Daughter given to family friend at school gate without permission

344 replies

Becklington · 14/09/2018 21:49

Hi
I found out that a new teacher in my daughter's first week at primary school, at school pick up time, gave her to a friend of ours. Our friend, who the teacher does not know at all, thought she was meant to pick her up. The school asks that any parent emails or tells them in person requests for a different person picking up. Clearly this had not happened. I am really upset as a stranger, to all intents and purposes, picked up.our daughter. Our friend said she had to be quite insisting to get her to come with her as my daughter is very shy but the teacher let her go. Clearly she came to no harm but I have lost all faith, trust and confidence. I am wondering if I should report this breach of basic safeguarding...any thoughts please?

OP posts:

diamondcity1 · 14/09/2018 23:32

Pick up your own child and don't cause problems for helpful people.

zippey · 14/09/2018 23:33

I wouldn’t waste the schools time with this. No harm was done. Move to n in your life and carry on as you were.

SD1978 · 14/09/2018 23:39

So the friend has picked up your child before, and does so regularly. Is known to your child as someone who picks her up. This is an established pattern. Teacher who is new to the school, so is unaware of this arrangement, is 'forcefully' persuaded that this is the standing arrangement. So presumably your friend is down as an acceptable confact/pick up person as it's an established thing for friend to pick up. Sure, mention it- but your daughter is regularly picked up by this person, and your husband wasn't there. This person is an acceptable person to pick up your child and does is regularly- what's the crux of your complaint? And did DH apologise for not being there on time?

FuckingHateRain · 14/09/2018 23:41

I'm fucking confused !

isabella2 · 14/09/2018 23:43

I would mention it to the teacher in a kind way so they know they made a mistake but I wouldn't take it further.

My child started school last week and yesterday a friend collected her - I told the school that morning, I didn't have her on a list a week ahead!

Apple23 · 14/09/2018 23:48

Just communicate very clearly to your husband: you must be on time for pick-ups.

If he really thinks he was only a minute late then he needs a new watch or a new attitude to time-keeping.

Dismissing a class at the door takes a couple of minutes, possibly longer at this time of year. Your daughter isn't collected and friend steps in. Either this was after all the other children were collected, or teacher would have asked her to wait until all the other children were collected safely before sorting out the issue.

There is then a discussion, teacher challenges friend, friend insists and convinces teacher that she is on the pick up list and she is allowed to leave with child.
.
Husband hasn’t even made it to the classroom door by then; he meets friend halfway across the playground.

He was very late. If this happens frequently then it becomes a safeguarding issue.

He is also lying to you - I guess it's up to you whether that is a problem or not.

SleepingStandingUp · 14/09/2018 23:48

When replying to a specific message the accepted convention is to copy and paste the part of the post you are replying to and put it in bold bold like this like that but without spaces between * and first / last word.

Then write your answer in none bold underneath.

You can also put posters name if it's more suitable.

And no way was your DH a minute behind. I've walked down to school a minute behind someone, you'd fully gear that convo and be like "Hey, Angela, she's mine today"

OurMiracle1106 · 14/09/2018 23:50

Yes I would report as a safeguarding incident. Just because your daughter came to no harm doesn’t mean she couldn’t have done.

PickAChew · 14/09/2018 23:53

Teacher has 30 handovers to do. The fuck up isn't her fault, if your friend is already on the pick up list.

Nofunkingworriesmate · 14/09/2018 23:55

Welcome to mumsnet beckington!
Just so you know for the future all questions put to you must be answered immediately, clearly and honestly as soon as they are posted to avoid this -hilarious- calamitous thread,
Starting school can be really fraught, your daughter is safe, your husband has hopefully learnt to be prompt next time, buy yourself and your friend a large gin and enjoy your weekend. Please please pretty please do not make a tit of yourself complaining to the school, and if you have no other complaints at the end of the year buy the teacher a large bottle of gin too

FlibbertyGiblets · 14/09/2018 23:56

Bonkers.

Gersemi · 15/09/2018 00:00

Why haven't you or DH pre-warned the school to add friend to designated pick-up list?

Because she's not yet a designated picker-up? People really seem to be deliberately misunderstanding the situation.

Chiffon · 15/09/2018 00:01

Sort your shit out woman. The school probably have 3 named individuals who are allowed to collect. You fucked up by A. not informing them who was collecting or B. assuming that they knew who was to collect and specifically not allowed to collect on certain days.

It's not a safeguarding issue. It's a YOU issue. You can not surely expect the school to police your crap?

Gersemi · 15/09/2018 00:02

Teacher has 30 handovers to do. The fuck up isn't her fault, if your friend is already on the pick up list

But she isn't, as OP has made perfectly clear. So the fuck-up is the teacher's fault.

Chiffon · 15/09/2018 00:04

And I wonder why my sister is studying sound engineering to move out of teaching!

SleepingStandingUp · 15/09/2018 00:04

Chiffon OP has said friend isn't on the kit so only designated pick ups are a mom and Dad. So the scho WERE wrong releasing her to the friend. Our nursery know two of the kids are cousins, mom's walk in together every morning and they still wouldn't release both kids to one mom without specific permission.

So it isn't an OP issue. School were wrong and Dad was late.

Gersemi · 15/09/2018 00:05

Chiffon, how can it be OP's fault? She at no point told the school or the teacher that friend was authorised to collect. So how can the teacher be justified in handing her daughter over to friend? Are you seriously contending that the school can hand a child to whoever turns up unless and until the parents tell them that that individual isn't authorised by them?

PotteryLady · 15/09/2018 00:05

If she is not on the list how will she pick up next week?

Chiffon · 15/09/2018 00:05

Fuck me, I'd study acoustics engineering if it got me out of this sort of shit. Jesus.

Chiffon · 15/09/2018 00:07

Who the fuck was supposed to be picking the child up?
Why did the randomer know that the child needed to be picked up?

Chiffon · 15/09/2018 00:10

BTW sound engineering and acoustics engineering are entirely different things. Just in case you thought I might let like a sound engineer teach my child. Acoustics.. maybe....

Chiffon · 15/09/2018 00:11

I presume the OP is arguing about who got to read the bed time story at this point, so I shall expect a response tomorrow after Pilates......

Tissunnyupnorth · 15/09/2018 00:14

But OP said friend was on the list....🤪. Goodnight, going to bed.

victoriaspongecake · 15/09/2018 00:18

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Gersemi · 15/09/2018 00:29

What OP said:

I will speak to head as friend who was not on any list

What other people said:

If she is not on the list how will she pick up next week?

Presumably by putting her on the list next week?

Who the fuck was supposed to be picking the child up?

People on the list. Which didn't include OP's friend.

Why did the randomer know that the child needed to be picked up?

She didn't. She made a mistake.

But OP said friend was on the list

No, she didn't.

How hard can it be to understand the words "friends who was not on any list"?

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