Daughter given to family friend at school gate without permission

[Becklington]

Hi
I found out that a new teacher in my daughter's first week at primary school, at school pick up time, gave her to a friend of ours. Our friend, who the teacher does not know at all, thought she was meant to pick her up. The school asks that any parent emails or tells them in person requests for a different person picking up. Clearly this had not happened. I am really upset as a stranger, to all intents and purposes, picked up.our daughter. Our friend said she had to be quite insisting to get her to come with her as my daughter is very shy but the teacher let her go. Clearly she came to no harm but I have lost all faith, trust and confidence. I am wondering if I should report this breach of basic safeguarding...any thoughts please?

Interestingly I went to collect my daughter once and found her walking across the yard with my aunt. No arrangement ever made with my aunt but she is known to the school as a grandparent of my cousins child. She’s gone to be wrong classroom to collect my cousins child and the teacher assumed she was picking up my daughter so sent my daughter out to her. She was a bit confused to brought her straight round to find me - waiting at another classroom for my other child. I let it go but it’s always been at the back of my mind that it happened and was never arranged.

"Yoir husband wasn't there and a friend who by the sound of it has collected before (you say she thought it was her turn) took control. "

OP has actually made it really clear on several occasions now that the friend has not collected her child before and is not yet on any list to do so; the arrangement is due to start next week.

I think 100% of teachers have said to report this as a potentially serious problem so I think you should do that if you're still reading op.

Please ignore anyone saying it's your dh's fault. It is not good that he was late to collect her, but should be able to reasonably expect the teacher to keep your dd safe until he does.

I really despair regarding the average level of comprehension of MN posters. OK, so the original Post had some points which needed clarifying, but the basic facts —that an unauthorised person was able to able to pick up a child in the child’s first week at school and despite the child being reluctant to g with that person - are clear. In response to questions the OP then tried to clarify the situation further as did ome other posters.
Yet the entire length of the thread posters repeat that how is the teacher to know it isn’t the friend’s turn to pick up when she has done so before and the child was happy to go with her.
The father’s lateness is a red herring as it explains perhaps why the friend made a mistake but intones not affect the safe guarding concern. Would teacher be justified in handing a child over to me if I arrived at the school before a tardy parent?
Please the OP’s posts carefully before rushing in to criticise what they haven’t written

I really despair regarding the average level of comprehension of MN posters.

This! The facts are perfectly clear, but a disproportionate number of posters are so desperate to find a stick to beat OP with that they can't even be bothered to read her posts.

It's perfectly simple. A young child was handed over to an unauthorised person by the teacher. Full stop. That needs to be dealt with.

I see the OP has fecked off, after being called on making contradictory non-sense. And I agree that dad must have been seriously late. A minute late, my arse.

And to prove your point Ngaio2 we have the post above

In my kids school if there's any confusion the teacher will take the kids to the office and the office will phone the parents to clarify

FFS, @ToftyAC, if you bothered to read OP's posts you would see that she hasn't contradicted herself, and the only people who have "called" her are, frankly, the hard of thinking round here.

Still unclear. Friend is going to pick her up in future. The school knows this and DD knows this. Not sure if this is correct or not.

It was not a complete stranger.

You want to go into school, create a fuss and then the following week that friend will be picking child up and school are supposed to hand child over without a problem?

I can't understand why people are getting sidetracked with why friend thingy she should pick up daughter, it's totally irrelevant! There was a miscommunication which lead to OP discovering that the school were not following their own safeguarding procedure. Which is NOT SAFE.

Yes I'd absolutely bring it up with school management, this could have been tragic and I'm not exaggerating at all.
In all my working life looking after other people's children I'd never dream for a second of handing a child to a stranger with no confirmation. Hell half the time we had to be careful not to let them go with a known adult who actually wasn't supposed to have them!

To reiterate, it is not in any way overreacting to bring this up formally with the school. Someone obviously needs reminding of their policy

So, I think what happened is OP’s husband was running a bit late, so rang his mistress, a family friend to collect dd. Mistress and husband concocted a mishmash of a story about meeting in the playground and it all being a mix up so that OP didn’t get suspicious.

"I see the OP has fecked off, after being called on making contradictory non-sense."

I expect she fecked off after being repeatedly being asked, and answering, the same questions roughly a hundred times.

"till unclear. Friend is going to pick her up in future. The school knows this and DD knows this. Not sure if this is correct or not."

No, not correct. The school don't know this.

So your friend does pick your daughter up sometimes? So surely the teacher should know who she is? Even though this time was a mix up with your friend. Maybe you all need to communicate better so everyone - school included knows who is picking up your daughter that day. Make sure your teacher and your daughter know who is picking her up on what days to save any confusion

-> rainy. If someone writes with a style characterisable as “ungrammatical gobbledegook”, readers will have a hard time understanding them.

Yes, definitely have a real go at the school because dh and ‘friend’ haven’t cocked up at all...🙄

"-> rainy. If someone writes with a style characterisable as “ungrammatical gobbledegook”, readers will have a hard time understanding them."

Well if I and others have managed it, it can't be that indecipherable. I'd suggest it's more about NRTFT or skim reading at best.

In my last post I said 'no the school don't know [that friend will be picking dd up]"

The very next post, from Star, said "so your friend does pick your dd up sometimes".

Dad was a dick to be late (or late due to genuine and unforeseen circumstances), friend was a dick to get her days mixed up, but teacher (and I'm a teacher) made a potentially serious mistake that flouted safeguarding policy. Head needs to know so it doesn't happen again with worse consequences.

What an odd post, so through all this no-one thought to pick up the phone. TBH the friend could have called you surely?! If it were me I would blame myself for not being organised. IF it was random different people collecting during any one week a text on a Sunday night confirming who is doing what day would resolve all confusion that seems to have happened between the 3 adults organising; you, your husband, your friend.

What an odd post, so through all this no-one thought to pick up the phone

I mentioned that, pages ago. Granted I’d suggested Dad (running late) could have called, because it’s what I’d do if I were ever running late (haven’t so far, but who knows what might happen).

I don’t believe for a second he was only a minute or two late.

This must be the most pointless thread I've ever read on here! 😂

What an odd post, so through all this no-one thought to pick up the phone

Or perhaps it happened just as the OP said? Her DH was running slightly late and the friend was muddled in her days and was at the classroom door / gate on time and became insistent that she took the child who was reluctant to go.

The friend was not identified to school as authorised to collect the child. There is no evidence in any of the OP's posts that this friend is known to school or has childen at school.

But none of that makes a jot of difference. The circumstances surrounding the situation are IRRELEVANT with regard to the actions of the teacher who should not have allowed the child to go. It is just as smple as that. As every single teacher / TA has said on this thread.

If it were me I would blame myself for not being organised.
WTF? The child's other parent was responsible for collecting and the friend made a mistake. No wonder so many mothers have such gulit and anxiety - if people think they are responsible for everyone else's actions as well as their own.

Be thankful somebody picked your child up when your dh was not there to do so, how worried must your little one have been when she came out of classroom and couldn't see her dad? I am sure that if there were known safeguarding issues for any particular child the school would be very careful about who picks up, ie if there were court custody cases, looked after children etc the school would be aware of these issues and be vigilant. Your child clearly has no known safeguarding issues and friend known to your child is allowed to collect.
Better that than what happened to me 30years ago when my parents assumed a friend was collecting me, friend was unaware of this fact, I ended up sat on wall outside the school until long after dark, about 8pm waiting for someone to realise Id not been collected from school, this only happened when my mum went to collect me from the family friends house and discovered I was not there.

Be thankful somebody picked your child up
I am sure that if there were known safeguarding issues for any particular child the school would be very careful about who picks up

FFS that is not how safeguarding works. It has to be a robust sytem so all children are kept safe - as your own story illustrates perfectly.

Thank the friend. Don’t blame the teacher, blame your husband for either not being there on time to pick up, or for being in the playground and yet apparently not noticing any of this or saying anything to the teacher at the time? Just give them a list of people who can pick up and let it go....

It would really help if the poster had not just answered random yes or nos when you don't know what they are replying yes and no to. I think it's taking safeguarding a bit far. If there are any issues with the child it's up to the parents to inform the school and for the school to be on red alert otherwise a normal level of security suffices, otherwise you are turning teachers into policemen or prison wardens! I mean at the start of term at my children's school, we go to collect our child and we don't have to give a dna sample or finger print. We say the name of the child and they run out. The person was known to the child, known to the school (i presume another parent - can't remember as the post was really confusing) and possibly listed as an authorised collecter. I would question your friend. Surely alarm bells should have rung when the teacher said they hadn't been informed. Why wouldn't she ring you or the dad rather than getting all forceful?