Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Daughter given to family friend at school gate without permission

344 replies

Becklington · 14/09/2018 21:49

Hi
I found out that a new teacher in my daughter's first week at primary school, at school pick up time, gave her to a friend of ours. Our friend, who the teacher does not know at all, thought she was meant to pick her up. The school asks that any parent emails or tells them in person requests for a different person picking up. Clearly this had not happened. I am really upset as a stranger, to all intents and purposes, picked up.our daughter. Our friend said she had to be quite insisting to get her to come with her as my daughter is very shy but the teacher let her go. Clearly she came to no harm but I have lost all faith, trust and confidence. I am wondering if I should report this breach of basic safeguarding...any thoughts please?

OP posts:
SheCameFromGreeceSheHadaThirst · 14/09/2018 22:07

I can't see why your friend thought she was meant to pick up your daughter without prior arrangement?

I'm massively confused too: a family friend (who you later class as 'a stranger, to all intents and purposes') thought she was meant to pick up your daughter up (why did she think that? Confused), but she wasn't meant to pick her up even though seemingly no one else was there to pick her up either?

I'm completely lost here Confused

weeblueberry · 14/09/2018 22:07

Yeah it’s really simple...when it’s explained....

SassitudeandSparkle · 14/09/2018 22:07

Her turn? So she's picked her up before or does on some days?

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 14/09/2018 22:08

Just ask your husband why he wasn’t there to pick her up. If he had been, nobody else could have Confused

Violetroselily · 14/09/2018 22:08

So your friend takes turns picking her up? How is she a stranger to your DD or the teacher?

CantankerousCamel · 14/09/2018 22:08

How is this a reason for the school to be involved? If you want your friend to be able to pick your kid up, you need to not tell the school off for picking your kids up

MyDcAreMarvel · 14/09/2018 22:08

Right so your friend does pick her up sometimes so there is no issue.

MitchDash · 14/09/2018 22:08

The school my daughter teaches at has safe words. The picker upper has to know the safe word or they don't get the child. The parent also has to let the school know giving as much notice as possible. The safe word is the emergency cover because teachers don't know mummy's bf or step granny etc.

jelliebelly · 14/09/2018 22:09

Issue here is with friend rather than School!

MsOliphant · 14/09/2018 22:09

So your friend who your daughter knows and is known to the school and who regularly picks her up....

Picked her up?

Holidayfromreal · 14/09/2018 22:09

So the friend has picked her up before then? So not stranger.

Holidayfromreal · 14/09/2018 22:09

Not a stranger**

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 14/09/2018 22:09

Your dh is lying then, he wasn’t “in the playground” when all this was happening. Unless the playground is the size of a small town.

categed · 14/09/2018 22:10

To be fair parents ahould be ready at the bell. However your friend was in the wrong to be forceful and the teacher ahould have passed it to the office to phone a carer. However if your friend thought it was her day that sounds like you have ok foe your feiend to pick her up on some days. So unless you specify to the teacher directly, verbally or in writing who is doing the puck up on what day they were handing over your child to an approved adult? I would always er on the side of caution though and ask the office to phobe for clarrification but parents don't always like that as it makes people late.

SheCameFromGreeceSheHadaThirst · 14/09/2018 22:10

Our friend had to be forceful with the teacher, convincing her she was correct to be taking her

And your husband, who was actually meant to be picking her up, missed all of this?

VivaDixie · 14/09/2018 22:10

So why aren't you cross with your friend?

It wasn't really see as your posts wee a bit disjointed until you were clearer 🤷

ourkidmolly · 14/09/2018 22:10

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MrsHoodwink · 14/09/2018 22:10

I’m pretty sure she means that the father was meant to be picking her up, and family friend was somehow under the impression she should be doing so (maybe previously arranged and then cancelled last minute but she didn’t get the text call? That’s happened with my DDs grandparents before)

So family friend was telling the child she was sent to pick them up and it’s alright to go with her (which if the parents had contacted the school to say so would be fine but they hadn’t)

And instead of the teacher querying this and asking who she was, she just let her go with her. In this instance the woman was a friend but next time who knows

Definitely report this, extreme breach of safety! I have to ring up every time someone else picks up DD and give their name/describe them and they have to say a “password” I’ve set

Knittedfairies · 14/09/2018 22:10

So your friend does sometimes pick up your daughter? Hardly a stranger then.

Mammyloveswine · 14/09/2018 22:10

Why did your friend think she was picking daughter up?? Also in a new year the teacher is learning new parents/carers so if some one asks for a child and the teacher is still learning who belongs with who it can be easily done. Why were you or your daughters dad there??

LJdorothy · 14/09/2018 22:11

How is this the teacher's fault???

Isadora2007 · 14/09/2018 22:11

Okay. So this friend often picks her up from school (given she got mixed up about it) yet you have an issue with the school allowing it?
Do you expect the school to keep track of your pick up schedule? YABU.

VivaDixie · 14/09/2018 22:11

Start again! It wasn't really simple as your posts were unclear until you posted again

minisoksmakehardwork · 14/09/2018 22:11

Nothing is a peculiar assumption other than that we could understand your post and comment via the power of telepathy to fill in the missing gap of your dh being in the playground waiting to collect.

The issue is three-fold here.

  1. That you need to clarify with your friend which days she is collecting your dd. (I also don't see how this makes her a stranger as it is clearly a regular arrangement).
  1. Your dh should have approached and stepped in when she was trying to collect to say it was the wrong day for her.
  1. The school should not have allowed a child who was unsure of who was collecting them to be taken by someone who appeared to be quite forceful in their attempts. They should have contacted a parent to establish what was happening, keeping your child back. (By which time dh would have been able to step forward and collect himself, having apologised to friend for confusion).
Poisongirl81 · 14/09/2018 22:12

what's her own house got to do with it?

Swipe left for the next trending thread