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AIBU?

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Original poster

Daughter given to family friend at school gate without permission

344 replies

Becklington · 14/09/2018 21:49

Hi
I found out that a new teacher in my daughter's first week at primary school, at school pick up time, gave her to a friend of ours. Our friend, who the teacher does not know at all, thought she was meant to pick her up. The school asks that any parent emails or tells them in person requests for a different person picking up. Clearly this had not happened. I am really upset as a stranger, to all intents and purposes, picked up.our daughter. Our friend said she had to be quite insisting to get her to come with her as my daughter is very shy but the teacher let her go. Clearly she came to no harm but I have lost all faith, trust and confidence. I am wondering if I should report this breach of basic safeguarding...any thoughts please?

OP posts:

SassitudeandSparkle · 17/09/2018 13:22

I think the OP is unlikely to update which is a shame but I look forward to the next instalment where the school refuse to release her child to the other parent (who seems to be the parent of a classmate) as requested. OP will probably know if her OH is late as the school will ring every next time.

PorkFlute · 17/09/2018 13:42

I can kind of see where the op is coming from though she hasn’t helped herself with the clear as mud posts. From what I can tell her dd is new to the school but her friend sometimes collected her at her old school. She hadn’t yet informed the new school that anyone else other than parents would be collecting. The teacher was initially reluctant to let the child leave with the friend but she talked her into it. Obviously not a safety issue because it was a trusted friend but the op is concerned that the teacher would potentially let the child go with anyone if they made a good enough case and isn’t following school procedure for releasing children only to authorised people. Am I right op?
I would mention it to the school just to say that you were a bit concerned that the teacher let your dd go with someone she didn’t recognise and who you hadn’t authorised to collect her. I’d also be extra cautious to be on time when collecting (and your dh too!) as at the start of the year (before they recognise all parents) or if a supply teacher is in teachers have no choice really but to release the children to whoever comes to collect them!

HesterMacaulay · 17/09/2018 15:20

People are just making up their own stories ...
her dd is new to the school but her friend sometimes collected her at her old school.

I look forward to the next instalment where the school refuse to release her child to the other parent (who seems to be the parent of a classmate) as requested
None of this is true. The OP says the following:

a new teacher in my daughter's first week at primary school, at school pick up time, gave her to a friend of ours. Our friend, who the teacher does not know at all, thought she was meant to pick her up. The school asks that any parent emails or tells them in person requests for a different person picking up. Clearly this had not happened.

How difficult is that for people to understand?

Tigerzmum · 17/09/2018 15:20

No you defintately are not being unreasonable. The protocols of the system were breached. No matter who the players were. If both yourself an the the new teacher who took your daughter visited the head and informed her that the security system was now working there should be no hard feelings; and you both would have saved another child later down the line being handed over to a truly unscrupulous individual whom would be intent on doing harm. I would always go with my gut instinct as a mother. (And apologise later if necessary).

SassitudeandSparkle · 17/09/2018 15:28

Also from the OP, just not in her first post.

Really simple. My husband was in playground on way to get her, our friend thought it was her turn to pick up and got muddled up and picked her up. Our friend had to be forceful with the teacher, convincing her she was correct to be taking her.

So the friend was closer for whatever reason than the dad and had time to be 'forceful' with the teacher. This quote also includes the fact that the friend thought it was her turn because the OP has asked the friend to collect in the very near future. It is still unclear how this woman is a stranger yet due to pick her up this week or next.

But 'forceful' implies that the teacher didn't simply say OK and hand the child over.

HesterMacaulay · 17/09/2018 15:34

Again, what is difficult to understand? OP had arranged with the friend for her to collect the child next week after DD had settled in. OP would have sent an email next week stating that the friend was collecting and child would have been handed over without a problem.

Friend made a mistake (not the OP's fault) and DH was late (not OP's fault). The teacher should not have handed the child over. End of.

HesterMacaulay · 17/09/2018 15:37

The reference to being a stranger was with regard to the teacher not knowing ths womant at all. .

SassitudeandSparkle · 17/09/2018 15:51

At this stage of the school year, I doubt many teachers know the parents well unless they have taught an older child of theirs or is a childminder who regularly collects children

The friend must have been somewhere very near the classroom to see that the child hadn't been collected because the DH didn't see any of this apparently

No-one has said it's the OP's fault.

Pinklady1982 · 17/09/2018 15:58

I was quite surprised that my daughters 2nd day in year 1, so only 5 (my mum took her on day one, so the teacher had never seen me before) I just said I was there for my dd and she let her out to me, without checking who I was or anything. Obviously I am her mum so no probs, but I could have been anyone! That keeps playing on my mind and also been wandering whether to say anything!?

HesterMacaulay · 17/09/2018 16:15

At this stage of the school year, I doubt many teachers know the parents well unless they have taught an older child of theirs or is a childminder who regularly collects children grin

The teacher does not have to know them well, but as part of the settling in process teachers and TAs in Year R will have met all parents. As a former reception teacher I know exactly what it is like to get to know new parents at the classroom door. The process of safe dismissal takes longer, that's all. You don't ditch safeguarding procedures!

The friend must have been somewhere very near the classroom to see that the child hadn't been collected.

Of course the friend was "somewhere very near the classroom" because she thought she was picking the child up. It wasn't the case that she "noticed that the child hadn't been collected" because she thought she was the one doing the collecting.

But as we keep saying - the circumstances are irrelevant to the actions of the teacher.

The teacher made a serious error in failing to follow the safeguarding procedures

RainySeptember · 17/09/2018 19:45

Why do people keep banging on about Dad being late and friend getting forceful?

Teachers do not hand a child to a stranger just because their parent is late or the stranger kicks off; they follow school policy.

Im a teacher. I release kids every day. Parents are late every day. I don't hand the kids over to anyone who asks for them.

cherish123 · 17/09/2018 23:47

Normally, infant teachers would ensure kids go home with someone. They usually ask the child to wave. The policy does vary from school to school. I understand why you are so upset. Were you late? Apologies if you have already said. However, it isn't possible for every member of staff to know every person picking up and they often have to rely on the child to say if it is the appropriate person.

PorkFlute · 17/09/2018 23:53

The op said she had an arrangement where her friend sometimes collected her dd. People questioned why the teacher didn’t know the friend and the op replied that her dd was new to the school. So I assumed the arrangement was for we old school. What did I misunderstand 😂

RainySeptember · 18/09/2018 02:59

"What did I misunderstand 😂"

That arrangement for friend to collect hadn't started yet. Was due to start next week. School had not yet been told about it.

Snitzelvoncrumb · 18/09/2018 03:27

You need to report it, so the school looks at the collection policy. I worked in a nursery and had a few situations like that where I had to be firm and not allow someone else to take a child. Unless that person is listed as authority to collect, if they take a child you call the police.

Improve12 · 18/09/2018 03:55

Sounds like you have a roster system.
Sounds like the friend put pressure on the teacher.
The teacher was partially doing her job by being reluctant.
I would definitely report this and campaign for some changes. A new teacher has so much going on during the first month or so at school. She is trying to impress her students, colleagues and parents. She is not the right person to be on duty for pick up till she has had time to fit in with the school and all its new rules. There should be another staff member to assist her at end of day (like a mentor) till she becomes comfortable.
At some schools they leave relief teachers in charge of this mundane job so that teachers employed by the school can get home 15 minutes early. This is wrong. Some relief teachers are not fully registered teachers and can be highly inexperienced. Pick up should be very carefully monitored.

Many industries have less care for their consumers these days and employ individuals that are unfit to do the task correctly. In Private hospitals, I see agency staff and final year medical/nursing students carrying out important tasks.

HesterMacaulay · 18/09/2018 04:02

PorkFlute The very first post says it was the daughter's first week at primary school.

OP clarified that the arrangement with the friend hadn't started yet and school had not be given her name nor did the teacher know the friend.

At one point OP gave the answer No. She's new to school but it was unclear who that referred to. So OP did not say her dd was new to the school.

Like I said before - you just invented a story.

PorkFlute · 18/09/2018 09:49

So you don’t know what she was referring to either and are also filling in gaps (making up a story). I had assumed that the friend had been collecting her from preschool on some days. You are assuming this isn’t the case. The op hasn’t said either way!

HesterMacaulay · 18/09/2018 13:59

What blanks have I filled in? What story have I created?

The OP's own words:

a new teacher in my daughter's first week at primary school, at school pick up time, gave her to a friend of ours. Our friend, who the teacher does not know at all

The school asks that any parent emails or tells them in person requests for a different person picking up. Clearly this had not happened.

She got her weeks mixed up. She was meant to go the following week once she's settled etc

That is the narrative I have commented on. And once again, the only relevant factor is that the teacher dismissed the child to an unauthorised adult

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