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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Daughter given to family friend at school gate without permission

344 replies

Becklington · 14/09/2018 21:49

Hi
I found out that a new teacher in my daughter's first week at primary school, at school pick up time, gave her to a friend of ours. Our friend, who the teacher does not know at all, thought she was meant to pick her up. The school asks that any parent emails or tells them in person requests for a different person picking up. Clearly this had not happened. I am really upset as a stranger, to all intents and purposes, picked up.our daughter. Our friend said she had to be quite insisting to get her to come with her as my daughter is very shy but the teacher let her go. Clearly she came to no harm but I have lost all faith, trust and confidence. I am wondering if I should report this breach of basic safeguarding...any thoughts please?

OP posts:
RainySeptember · 15/09/2018 11:28

"They shouldn’t be put in a position where that pressure is applied."

I'm a teacher. I agree. The teacher was still wrong.

HesterMacaulay · 15/09/2018 11:45

I taught reception/ early years for years. This is where safeguarding should be most robust. It's why teachers do home visits before the child starts so they begin to build relationships and understand each family situation.
It's one of tbe reasons why YR do staggered starts so the numbers are smaller to help the process.
It's totally ludicrous to say there was no issue or it was all down to Dad being late. Safeguarding procedures are there for precisely such an event!

YeTalkShiteHen · 15/09/2018 11:50

Rainy I agree, but when there are 3 people responsible for the issue (teacher, Dad and friend) I think it’s pretty shit to lay all the blame on the teacher.

HesterMacaulay · 15/09/2018 11:56

YeTalkShiteHen the point is that safeguarding procedures are there for situations like this. Parents may be late- friends may get muddled. That's why schools have clear processes that protect the child when these events arise.

YeTalkShiteHen · 15/09/2018 11:58

the point is that safeguarding procedures are there for situations like this. Parents may be late- friends may get muddled. That's why schools have clear processes that protect the child when these events arise

Aye I understand that, I just think there are far too many threads on here, especially at the moment, teacher bashing without accepting responsibility for their own actions too.

No wonder the staffroom section of MN is so full of teachers who’ve had enough.

YeTalkShiteHen · 15/09/2018 11:58

For example, parent is running late? Call ahead. Even if it’s a minute or two, as this example proves sometimes that’s enough.

AlevelConfusion · 15/09/2018 12:07

People really seem to be deliberately misunderstanding the situation.
Yes, one poster has a go and the rest pile in, as usual.
I appreciate teachers do a tough job and am usually on the teachers side but in this case the teacher was wrong even though teachers are never bloody wrong on mn

HesterMacaulay · 15/09/2018 12:08

I don't think this is teacher bashing. Neither do I think it's a situation that would warrant going into school all guns blazing.
Safeguarding procedures protect staff as well as children. Imagine being a teacher who let a child leave with an insistent stranger who harmed the child ....

YeTalkShiteHen · 15/09/2018 12:11

I don't think this is teacher bashing

Then why is OP only focusing on the teacher?

Neither do I think it's a situation that would warrant going into school all guns blazing

You’re right, it’s not.

Lessons to be learned all round eh?

HesterMacaulay · 15/09/2018 12:19

I agree . Lessons to be learned all round!

SpottingTheZebras · 15/09/2018 12:20

This is confusing!

The teacher should not have allowed her to go.

Your friend needs to know when she is picking up and when she isn’t. In fairness, if she knows she is to pick up at times and there is nobody else there to collect the child you can understand this happening. If she hadn’t been so forceful and your child hadn’t clearly known her, she would not have been allowed to go.

It’s unacceptable for your DH to be late for pick up. He was not just one minute late or else the whole scenario would never have had time to happen. Teachers are not there to hang around because parents are tardy.

YeTalkShiteHen · 15/09/2018 12:20

I do think I’d have a quiet word with friend about taking it upon herself to do that though. No arguments or anything, just asking her not to do it again.

Quartz2208 · 15/09/2018 12:38

I dont think its teacher bashing to say the teacher did make a safeguarding mistake. With reception/KS1 children there is no way a teacher should let a child go to anyone the parents have no oked. I have been there when parents have forgotten to say about playdates and then have run.

But the OP does massively downplay the husbands and friends part in all of this

RainySeptember · 15/09/2018 13:48

"Then why is OP only focusing on the teacher?"

Because she's already had a word with her dh and her friend. She's come on here to ask what - if anything - she should do to raise this with the teacher.

Everyone made a mistake but the teacher was the only one who made a mistake so serious it could have led to a child being harmed.

It wasn't intentional, but the teacher needs to know that it can't happen again (and I'm always on here defending teachers!)

CantankerousCamel · 15/09/2018 14:55

If I was the teacher and I got in trouble for letting a child go with an adult she not only knew but who I WAS SUPPOSED TO LEAVE THE CHILD WITH REPEATEDLY IN THE FUTURE, I would be pissed off.

HandlebarTash81 · 15/09/2018 15:09

You’re right. It shouldn’t have happened. She should’ve asked your friend to wait while she asked the office to call you/ your husband.

HandlebarTash81 · 15/09/2018 15:11

Teachers are meant to release to the named adult unless notified that different arrangements have been put in place that day.

Kool4katz · 15/09/2018 15:17

Why aren't you angry with DH for being late to collect her? If he'd been on time, none of this would have happened.

HesterMacaulay · 15/09/2018 15:21

If I was the teacher and I got in trouble for letting a child go with an adult she not only knew but who I WAS SUPPOSED TO LEAVE THE CHILD WITH REPEATEDLY IN THE FUTURE, I would be pissed off
The OP has explained that the teacher did not know (yet) that this woman would be collecting her in the future.
It is not the teachers role to decide if and when she follows the safeguarding procedures especially when the child is 4 years old and just started school.
And "knowing" the individual is not a criteria for letting the adult take the child.

RainySeptember · 15/09/2018 15:22

"Why aren't you angry with DH for being late to collect her? If he'd been on time, none of this would have happened.*"
*
Maybe she was angry with her dh but doesn't need to start a thread on mn to handle that.

And maybe he was late due to circumstances beyond his control. Maybe one day you'll be stuck in traffic and be late to pick your child up, to find she's been sent home with a stranger. I'm sure you won't be cross with the teacher at all.

CantankerousCamel · 15/09/2018 15:25

Not a stranger

RainySeptember · 15/09/2018 15:51

A stranger to the teacher.

RainySeptember · 15/09/2018 15:51

You don't get to pick and choose which parts of the safeguarding policy you adhere to.

angieloumc · 15/09/2018 15:59

This is the fault of your DH. I can't believe on your child's very first week of school he would turn up late.

RainySeptember · 15/09/2018 16:09

Hope none of these people outraged at dh's lateness are ever late for their child.

I find it hard to believe they won't be. Everyone is late sometimes.

And for the record, had some harm befallen OP's child, it wouldn't have been her dh's fault for being late, but the fault of the professional entrusted to care for him.

Her dh was daft to be late, her friend was daft for getting her days wrong (and a dick for browbeating the teacher) but the teacher is the one who broke policy and made a potentially dangerous mistake.