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AIBU?

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Original poster

Pansexual? AIBU to not understand how this isn't different to Bi?

260 replies

GoatWoman · 13/09/2018 22:34

I really don't understand this new phenomena and I feel completely ignorant.
In my day (80's - 90's), if not having a sexual preference you termed yourself bisexual. Not that anybody has to classify themselves at all.

But recently I hear more of pan-sexual. What on earth does it mean? The only explanation I've heard is that they choose the mind over biology. Isn't that what everyone does?

OP posts:
MrsFly · 14/09/2018 09:49

pam

That explains why im so attracted to me chip pan, it's sooooo hot 🔥

subspace · 14/09/2018 09:52

Bisexuality doesn't recognise SEXES other than male and female. The clue is right there in the name, its not Bi-GENDER-ality, is it?. No, its SEX, because it is talking about SEXES.

Why are people so fucking woke about everything yet still so completely unable to understand that the words gender and sex are not interchangeable and have actual meanings?

At the risk of being abused of being too woke and I've defiantly not had enough cold brewed coffee with almond milk for that sex and -sexuality also refers to shagging and who you like shagging. Indeed in context of the other words with the suffix -sexuality I think it's fairly clear that we're working with the definition of who-we-find-attractive-for-the-shagging rather than biological sex. So I don't think the term bisexuality is clear in itself whether it refers to gender or biological sex.

TheWinterofOurDiscountTentsMk2 · 14/09/2018 09:56

It refers to sex as well as sexuality. Because they are linked. There are only 2 sexes, there are only 2 sexes you can be sexually attracted to. The rest is just personal choice. If you are attracted to men dressed as women that is not different to someone who is attracted to women who are blonde and thin. Anything over and above the 2 sexes is window dressing.

BarbarianMum · 14/09/2018 09:56

Pansexual: will fuck most things that move and some things that don't. Or is at least open to the idea.

Using gender as a way if categorising people is just about as useful as doing it by the colour of their clothes.

SporadicSpartacus · 14/09/2018 09:58

badhairday

Depends on your take on the Klein grid of orientations, I guess. That holds that engaging in the behaviour is only one facet of orientation, ie you could be gay by hanging out with a gay crowd and identifying yourself as gay, despite having no same sex attraction or experience in sex with same sex partners.

To me that’s a bit tenuous, and I certainly didn’t consider myself a ‘confirmed’ bisexual until I’d had several relationships with men and women - but others might have a different view on where the bar should sit.

I’m not going to call you a terrible bi appropriator for having had insufficient f/f sex experience due to the way life panned out, in any case. I guess there is a temptation to hog a bit gatekeepery around bi-dom as people keep trying to re-define us with all this gender stuff that has nothing to do with orientation.

SporadicSpartacus · 14/09/2018 09:59

To go, not hog*. Accidentally reinforcing the greedy bi stereotype there...

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 14/09/2018 10:00

It does suggest a bit of an oddball sad sack that will accept any crumbs thrown their way from whatever source, rather than the enlightened boundary smasher they’d like to be viewed as, unfortunately.

Honflyr · 14/09/2018 10:00

sexuality I think it's fairly clear that we're working with the definition of who-we-find-attractive-for-the-shagging rather than biological sex.

But those people-you-find-attractive-for-the-shagging will either be male or female or possibly intersex male/female, no matter their identity.

Elephantinacravat · 14/09/2018 10:02

REALLY? Does being a heterosexual woman mean that every man is an option?

But 'pan' literally means all doesn't it? There is already a word for people who are attracted to both sexes. Everything else is just personal preference within that isn't it?

subspace · 14/09/2018 10:04

I find this really insulting. Gender non conforming is MOST PEOPLE. The idea that any of us is conforming to whatever your particulafr view of what out gender is ridiculous and offensive.

You're welcome to find it insulting but I'd rather you directed your disgust at the societies that created the gender norms or indeed the definitions that you object to, rather than me personally. I wish I had that kind of power, but sadly I'm just me, trying to share in the main facts rather than my personal views.

We are lucky to live in a society where it's relatively okay to not conform. In others we would be tortured and killed. We have got to this through people sticking their neck out in dangerous situations to not conform. fwiw I think that's a very good thing.

slashlover · 14/09/2018 10:04

Pansexual: will fuck most things that move and some things that don't. Or is at least open to the idea.

Replace the word 'Pansexual' with the word 'Women' or 'My ex-girlfriend' and see how off that sounds.

People can be sexually attracted for a number of reasons - voice, hair colour, body shape, similar interests, sense of humour. These preferences still apply to pansexual people.

subspace · 14/09/2018 10:14

@Hornflyr yes. So I guess the difference is that one is attracted to multiple sexes, and the other is attracted to individuals regardless of their sex/gender/identity/expression? I appreciate (what I think is) your point, that the demographic regardless would be the same group of people - I.e. everybody.

I'm not a fan of the term gender-blind, which seems integrated with pansexuality, it's a bit like people saying "I don't see colour" - of course they do.

PigletJohn · 14/09/2018 10:49

there is perhaps a problem in interpretation, if you make up, or choose to use, a word that means "All" but then want to use it to mean a certain definition of "some"

Possibly the word will eventually become universally used and understood with one meaning, but that time has not yet been reached.

Shampaincharly · 14/09/2018 10:52

@Rebecca36 Grin

TheWinterofOurDiscountTentsMk2 · 14/09/2018 11:03

You're welcome to find it insulting but I'd rather you directed your disgust at the societies that created the gender norms or indeed the definitions that you object to, rather than me personally

Why should I?You and the people like you pushing this nonsense are reinforcing those gender norms that people have spent decades trying to push back. I object to you personally talking about gender non conforming in such an insulting way, and I will tell you so. You should stop doing it.

Elephantinacravat · 14/09/2018 11:09

You're welcome to find it insulting but I'd rather you directed your disgust at the societies that created the gender norms or indeed the definitions that you object to, rather than me personally

But all this navel gazing about gender and labelling everything does contribute to gender stereotyping. Because it reinforces the idea that if you don't perform according to the stereotypes of your sex, then you are somehow special, and 'outside the norm' and it needs a label.

When in reality there are two sexes and everything else is just personality.

MissionItsPossible · 14/09/2018 11:14

When in reality there are two sexes and everything else is just personality.

Mic drop!

This just sums it up really

SwordToFlamethrower · 14/09/2018 11:16

Means "will shag anything".

FinnegansWhiskers · 14/09/2018 11:20

Keeptrudging

I'm of the generation where your sexual preferences weren't loudly proclaimed in public, because it was really nobody's business/classed as over-sharing. It does seem ridiculous to have so many boxes that people want to put themselves in and put a big label on. It's not that interesting

THIS ^^
Nobody is interested in someone else's sexual preferences. I'm fed up with having the new alphabet rammed down our throats. Zero interest... Life was so much simpler when people were either male or female. Penis - male. No penis - female. Nobody cared whether males fancied females or males and vice versa. I wouldn't think most people give a jot now.

MrsGrindah · 14/09/2018 11:32

Thank God my sex drive has disappeared so I don’t have to bother with all this malarkey. I much preferred this thread when it was lighthearted

JAPAB · 14/09/2018 11:32

Maybe some people just like to emphaise that they are fully gender or sex indiscriminate?

Some people who identift as bisexual may still have a leaning more towards men or women. They may prefer aspects of one slightly morethan the other when it comes to relationships or sex? Whereas pansexuals do not?

BertrandRussell · 14/09/2018 11:58

"By non-gender conforming, I mean behave in a way other than one might expect is inconsistent with their gender (and/or sex)"

So anyone who does not adhere to a set of ridiculous, outdated, patriarchal gender stereotypes is "gender non conforming"? Fucks sake. I think I'll stick to "feminist" as my label of choice and risk having bricks thrown at me by young women who have no bloody idea how hard the rights they barely notice they have were fought for, and no bloody idea how easily they can be taken away.

TheWinterofOurDiscountTentsMk2 · 14/09/2018 12:19

Maybe some people just like to emphaise that they are fully gender or sex indiscriminate?

Which actually means they like to emphasise how fully woke and right on they are. Newsflash: nobody cares.

poorbuthappy · 14/09/2018 12:33

Regardless of what the labels are you are going to be presented with 1 of 2 options when the pants come off..

Penis
Vulva / Vagina

Like 1 or the other or both it is of no concern to anyone apart from the people without their pants on.

However, when the owners of 1 of the above mentioned body bits get globally oppressed simply because of what is in their pants it becomes all gendered and basically fucked up.

Stop the world please I want to get off.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 14/09/2018 12:36

Newsflash: nobody cares
This is it, in a nutshell. Some people assume a disproportionate interest in their doings from all around them.
In reality, if Bob from down the street tried to explain to me how wide his sexual preferences are, I’d set the dogs on him. So to speak.
The self obsession these days seems to know no bounds.