AIBU to be annoyed that MIL is giving niece a free flat during university?

[breezeanddaisy]

Hi,

I've namechanged for obvious reasons.

My daughter and her cousin both started university this year. They're both at different ones.

My MIL owns a flat that usually gets rents out, but since the last tenant left, she has left it empty and ready for when her other grandchild started university (as it's in the same town as the university she got a place at/wanted to go). She gets it for nothing, so it's free for her.

My DD is in pretty shitty accommodation and MIL hasn't really given anything to her to make it fair.

AIBU?

if the flat is near her other grandchild I don’t see the issue.

Are you looking for a financial contribution ?

So let me get this right your daughter is at university no where near where this empty flat is but the other granddaughter is attending university nearby the empty flat and it makes sense for her to use it. Don't see the problem here. It was your daughters choice to go to a certain university. Stop being catty and jealous. Not all people are treated the same. My sister got loads off my parents but did moan about it no because I didn't need it and she did.

I'm wondering if she can no longer be bothered to deal with the many issues tenants can cause (especially as she has just lost her husband) and sees your niece occupying the flat as mutually beneficial or even benefitting her (as it saves the property being empty), and therefore doesn't realise how it could be perceived to be treating her grandchildren differently. In any case YABU.

I can see why you think it's unfair that one grandchild is given this huge financial boost with free rent. But it's difficult to comment without knowing the circumstances in both families. Perhaps she thinks you have a lot more money than the other family or they have more children. And does this other girl being helped have siblings.

Ok thank you I get it. Please don't be too harsh I was just asking. I've taken the comments on board. Thanks.

I might be missing the point here but living in shitty accommodation with your mates is half the fun when you're at uni isn't it?

This!
If I was in your nieces situation I think I’d have been struggling to know what to do - take the generous offer from grandma but forfeit living with mates, poss in a different area of town to other students... sounds quite isolating and though it would be harder to make friends. I’d rather be in your daughters shoes.

Sometimes circumstances make it possible to do a good deed or be generous to a lucky individual who is in the right place at the right time

It doesn't mean we love or value our other friends and relatives any less

I would hate to think that an act of generosity to a friend or relative might be seen as me being 'not fair' to others

As PP have said, your DD may benefit in another way at some point in the future so things may well 'even out' over the years

Trying to put the money issue to one side.

You might find that your daughter benefits in other ways. I would imagine it could be quite lonely/isolating for DN living alone.

I'm assuming that DD is in halls or shared accommodation with others in same position? In which case they tend to make friends, socialise more etc.

The grass isn't always greener.

Whether or not your mil let her GD stay in her flat wouldn't change your DDs accommodation. She might not be earning any money by doing this, but nor is she giving a huge chunk of money away, and how much would you expect her to give to make it fair? Surely you wouldn't expect her just to hand over a years worth of rent in cash, but anything less than that and it still wouldn't really be equal.

All she's doing is helping out where she can. If she's usually fair towards her GC I don't think you can complain, and you never know what she might have planned for her other GC.

Your daughter’s accommodation is on you, not her grandmother. What she chooses to do with HER empty apartment is her business.

YABU.

If your DD were studying in the same city, would Granny have let her have the flat?

Circumstance rather than favouritism?

Seriously BU.

I understand. It’s not necessarily logical or rational but I get it.

YANBU, I’m with you OP.

Is your dd upset about it? Is she unhappy with her accommodation? I think you’re being unreasonable anyway, even more so if it isnt bothering your dd at all. You do sound a little bitter and jealous

As I said I understand. It just seemed unfair but after this I understand. However DMIL is very well off so just thought would be nice to help both grandchildren out

You're all giving the OP a really hard time. I can absolutely see her point. It's not fairest way to treat two DGDs of the same age, at the same stage & there are all sorts of ways it could me made fairer.

YABVU and you do sound envious and bitter. Your MIL would have done the same if it was your DD at that university. Give the woman a break.

I would be annoyed if the Neice rented out any spare rooms to mates and not pass that back to grandma. Or moved a bloke in so he could freeload.

Is grandma also going to pay the council tax, gas. Electric, internet, water, tv licence etc etc? Because living in a free flat might not be as easy as living with mates and sharing those costs

I can see why it feels unfair, but given the circumstances I don't see what she could do for your DD to make it fair. As other posters have said, it's probably nicer for her to hang out with other students anyway.
Don't take critical comments too harshly, it is AIBU after all.

Yeah you're being unreasonable

Yes she is covering bills too

Maybe had a crappy tenant in and fancied having someone accountable there instead. Massive difference between protecting a capital investment and giving someone free cash.

Yes yabvu.

It's her money...not yours...if she gives, that's great but if she doesn't give, both you and even her son should not feel it's her obligation to give. She raised a son and now you are expecting her to also raise your DD