AIBU to be annoyed that MIL is giving niece a free flat during university?

[breezeanddaisy]

Hi,

I've namechanged for obvious reasons.

My daughter and her cousin both started university this year. They're both at different ones.

My MIL owns a flat that usually gets rents out, but since the last tenant left, she has left it empty and ready for when her other grandchild started university (as it's in the same town as the university she got a place at/wanted to go). She gets it for nothing, so it's free for her.

My DD is in pretty shitty accommodation and MIL hasn't really given anything to her to make it fair.

AIBU?

I could sit and think I e had a poor do from parents

But you didn't have a poor do - you have described getting many years of free child care to the tune of thousands.

I'm not going to belly ache about other people's treatment even if it does seem unfair.

comparison is the thief of joy. So true.

It can be very true, but also regularly used to tell people to accept their lot and not challenge inequality.

Oh I wouldn't advocate letting unequal treatment get the better of anyone, just that its entirely reasonable to notice unequal treatment and act accordingly.

Oh sorry - messed the formatting - last sentence there should have responded to the 'belly ache' comment!

As a grandma I am struggling to see how MIL can think this is fair. Especially as both GD have started university at the same time. I wonder if she's not thought about how it would appear unfair. I hope it's that and she will bung the other GD some money.

I totally agree. As others have posted, the free accommodation plus the covering of key bills will add up to a considerable sum over three years.

Had she thought more carefully about it, she might, as other posters have suggested, charged a reduced rent to one granddaughter and passed the income onto the second granddaughter to help fund her accommodation, thus creating a parity of sorts. This would have cut out any ill-feelings and family conflict.

YANBU

GM is showing unfair favouritism

I think YANBU to feel aggrieved, as this is blatant favouritism towards one DGD, because your MIL is covering the cost of bills, if that wasn't the case then that would be acceptable. However, there really isn't anything you can do about it, as your MIL can do what she wants with her own money.

I could sit and think I e had a poor do from parents

But you didn't have a poor do - you have described getting many years of free child care to the tune of thousands
No I didn't. I got two weeks in 18 years and that was because we were desperate.
My sister had child care ever day as she lived 8 doors away from mum and dad.
My sister got thousands of pounds of care.

C8H10N4O2
I can see my typo in a previous post.
My sister got childcare on tap. We didn't.
Sorry for the confusion. (As usual I should have done a preview!)

YANBU. It isn't fair, and it is hurtful. My niece got given £200 per month for 4 years while at university, my son got nothing . It's not fair, and it does hurt. So i feel for you, but there's probably not much you can do about it.

notacooldad

Your story about taking your nephew out for a meal is totally irrelevant and nothing in comparison to what this GM is doing.

*lovemypantry

notacooldad

Your story about taking your nephew out for a meal is totally irrelevant and nothing in comparison to what this GM is doing

You are late to the party with that it has already been mentioned.
What about one of my brothers having £140000 house bought for him outright and a sister having years of free child care but none of the rest of us got that. What's your opinion on that?

Favouritism happens in most families. Sometimes it is really obvious, sometimes it is subtle. It is unfair and can cause resentment. My advice is; move on, let it go and don't upset yourself.

If your dd had gone to same uni would she have been able to live in the flat? If so then it's not favoritism.

notacooldad

Hmmm....tricky one. I think in your scenario it would perhaps depend on the financial situation of you and your siblings at the time. If the ones that were helped out financially were in a tricky situation and the others were ok financially, then maybe that would be acceptable. However, if you were all roughly in the same boat, then clearly it wouldn’t be fair to treat one or two differently from the others.

ilovepantry
It's a long story but brother has never worked ever. Me and Dp have had some very difficult times and we resorted to asking for help. DM and DF refused. It was MIL who helped us.
Brother does fuck all, disappears for months at a time and the rest of us get told ' btw me and your dad have bought your brother a house as he was getting a new land Lord who wanted to sell the house eventually so he needs some security, I know you wouldn't mind!'
My sister getting years of child minding means she got lucky. The only time it grated was when Ds2 was doing a sports camp a few years ago in parents city and we virtually had to beg to let him stop there.
Whether is favouritism or thoughtfulness is of no consequence. I just look out for my own family and not keep tabs on anyone else.