Friend lied to us about health condition, AIBU to feel hurt?

[ALittleCheruby]

I've known this friend for a few years now. She's always been on and off ill, I thought because her condition fluctuates.

As a group, we've always been very understanding and accepting. We've always thought nothing of it when she couldn't come out for a girl's night or a trip with the kids, cancelling last minute. No problem. She's in pain.

But today we found out she suffers from something called Fibromyalgia and not Rheumatoid Arthritis like she told us.

She let slip today in conversation. We were surprised and she confessed that she hasn't told us the truth, and felt like she would be judged or thought to have an 'imaginary' condition if the real illness was uncovered.

She said we are a fabulous group of friends and she just couldn't face owning up and telling the truth.

AIBU to feel a little hurt? Perhaps wonder what else she could lie about?

I really dislike dishonesty. It's a mix crowd with other friends in the group. One thinks she had a damn good reason to lie, and thinks she obviously felt we'd see her in a negative light. The other is fuming and says it's disgusting she's lied.

What would you do?

I have CFS/ME as a result of having mrsa.... I often let people believe I have RA... I can do without people's shitty judgements when I'm feeling dire.

To the person with OCD -it's a horrid condition as you'll know only too well.... You are not being misleading anxiety is the blanket term for Ocd and other disorders, such as panic disorder /phobias etc...

She might have been told she had both (and lots of other conditions along the way). It's often very difficult to get a diagnosis. I don't think I'd see it as lying.

People are confusing conditions...

Health anxiety (used to be called hypochondria) is not fabricating illness... It's a hideous anxiety condition where people are so convinced they have major illnesses they often harm themselves...

Malingering - this is quite different.. This is fabricating illness for secondary gain.

I have a friend with complex and disabling health issues. She has had various diagnoses (and misdiagnoses) over the years but she has generally avoided giving too much detail of her conditions.

We respect her privacy. She fears that people will google her medical issues and doesn't want her condition to be public property.

And that's fine. She is open about what she can and can't do or commit to, and asks for support when needed. At the end of the day she is a friend, not a medical curiosity, and we don't need to know the exact details.

@Singlenotsingle
I read you have polymyalgia. My GO believes this is what I have and I'm waiting to see a rheumatologist.
Had some blood tests but all came back as in normal ranges.
If you have some time.....or anyone else with the same diagnosis....I'd love a quick DM chat to ask a few questions.
Thanks

@ karyatide Have you seen there's a petition for Netflix to remove Afflicted and apologise for the damage they've caused?

Link here

it won't change anything for me. I don't think she owes you to confess her real condition. YABU for being hurt, the really hurt one is the ill friend.
As I often say, an ill person doesn't have to apologise to the healthy ones. And it's not like she is inconveniencing you a lot with her condition.

The one in the group who is "disgusted" about "lieing" sounds horrible. it's like you don't need enemies when you have such a "friend".

Fibromyalgia is a horrid thing to have, but i think that people do realise its a real medical complaint now! ( noy made up) I dont think she should have lied but maybe shes ashamed. I get that!
I have it, im in pain sometimes, sometimes im ok. Its like anything really, accept it and carry on as best you can. I have 3 kids, one has SN so my issues are overruled by his needs. I think with all invisible conditions people cant see it, so maybe dont realise how bad it can be.
Id gloss over her lie, but maybe dont forget it either. Some folks cant help themselvs im afraid!

Oh there is definitely still a stigma around fibro and whether people who have it are exaggerating or making it up.