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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wonder what MN posters are like in real life...

189 replies

WillowPeach · 13/09/2018 12:45

I can’t help but see so many posters put others down to make themselves feel better. I had it harder, I’m better than you blah blah blah.

Are these people actually this vile in real life or is it all a keyboard warrior act?

OP posts:
Bluelady · 13/09/2018 22:03

I was thinking more about posters who fling insults around. And the ones who could have a quarrel in an empty room.

themuttsnutts · 13/09/2018 22:04

I am a really boring middle aged woman

Marriedwithchildren5 · 13/09/2018 22:40

I ask too many questions in rl and do the same here.

I think I'm more suspicious of posts on aibu. There is usually a post where one person is completely rude, aggressive, vindictive etc and the op is completely calm and reasonable. They then ask who is being u!

karyatide · 13/09/2018 22:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RosiesYellowDress · 14/09/2018 01:34

I need to do some inner research perhaps

I am some one here that I am not elsewhere and elsewhere I am someone who I am not here, where I am that someone is always me being me.

My r/l circle is small nothing I say here is nothing I wouldnt tell them. Outside that circle I keep at arms length and am a master at turning conversation back to it being about them not me, sometimes people just want to talk about themselves anyway. It’s different online.

I downplay my life both good and bad both in r/l and online. I more forth coming with sharing things that has happened to me online due to other than my r/l circle I don’t get into conversation like these. I’m more aware online of giving to much and try to change things not giving personal accounts this makes me subconscious as I worlds worst liar and it’s something I despise, so that is one thing I do online as in r/l I avoid those situations.

I am stupid and naive who so guilable. That’s not actually true but people assume that, easier for that assumption online given my grammar is shit and is my vocabulary (no big words) so I use my dictionary I still have tradition book form more when online, I don’t need to look up words when communicating with my r/l circle.

Anything I say online is nothing I wouldn’t say face to face.

People are vile online just as r/l but encounter more obviously online.

RosiesYellowDress · 14/09/2018 01:50

@derxa I know some left and found brand new place about yr ago? I’ve always drifted in and out over the years but no matter how long u been away u came back here see familiar names and it’s like not been away, not this time.

You could come on MN and the banter on threads would have u crying with laughter I wanted these people to be my r/l friends. Fuck now it’s a case which posters u need a restraining order against

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 14/09/2018 15:09

You could come on MN and the banter on threads would have u crying with laughter I wanted these people to be my r/l friends. Fuck now it’s a case which posters u need a restraining order against.

This made me laugh, so true. Grin

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 14/09/2018 15:10

Shock... in case I'm one of the restraining order ones, not so funny then. Blush

Pamdoo · 14/09/2018 15:18

You could come on MN and the banter on threads would have u crying with laughter I wanted these people to be my r/l friends. Fuck now it’s a case which posters u need a restraining order against

There are some bloody funny people around, I also wish I knew them in real life but they're drowned out by the guff

RosiesYellowDress · 14/09/2018 16:42

@LyingWitchInWardrobe 😁 It’s not until I see name pop up it jogs my memory, (I vaguely remember 1 or 2) couldn’t tell u about anyone’s posting comments. I remember seeing yours around a lot. I was more lurker adding my 2p worth every so often.

@Pamdoo I know it’s way beyond PC shit.

One could say that we have been Wendied

Graphista · 14/09/2018 18:04

I confuse the fuck out of people both on here and irl!

I've been 'accused' on here of being both mc and too well off to understand real hardship (Lp, long term sick/disabled on benefits, live in HA flat, violent abusive childhood) and of being too thick to understand nuanced political/ethical arguments (2 degrees from uni's that aren't ex-poly's one of which is very well respected, one degree is in nursing where we were taught to evaluate ethical discourse critically even sceptically. 30 years a veggie and animal rights campaigner, consider myself well read on feminist issues plus a wealth of life experience, including living overseas for several years).

I've been a sahm and FT working mum (and student mum) but had people on here and in real life assume I've never done one of those things.

I've also had my age assumed to be far different than it is having been 'accused' of being both 'too young to know better' or 'too old to know what it's like for my generation' (where the person saying it is within 5 years of my age!)

46, with long undyed hair, no tattoos, only ears pierced once, divorced (he cheated), been offered even if I haven't taken promotion in most of my jobs, dress Kinda conservative hippy (see confusing!) so in real life I'm perceived to be relatively conformist - I'm not. In real life had many people think I'm conservative, unadventurous, 'normal' - until they get to know me 😉

I'm probably a little more blunt on here than in real life (cos why waste time plus the anonymity plus posters are directly asking eg Aibu whereas in real life people tend not to want their friends/family directly telling them), but I'm a fairly straightforward person in real life too. Friends & family have said I'm the best person to ask for an honest opinion on everything from 'does my bum look big in this?' To 'am I being too needy with new relationship?'. I've found in real life that those that don't like me tend to be those with something to hide, because as a straightforward person myself I tend to see through bullshit quite quickly, I think also from having a family full of addicts and con merchants (literally - I'm talking convicted!) as these types tend to be very good at hiding stuff but I've grown up with them so know the 'tricks of the trade' as it were. I can be sarcastic, but that's mainly in terms of humour with friends & family (who are more than used to me and can be worse themselves!), in dealing with non family/friends I'm clear, polite, assertive when necessary but rarely aggressive (only if they 'attack' first).

I've made an 'mn buddy' and I'd love to know what she's like in real life. We agree on many things and seem to share a sense of humour. I think she's younger than me, I know she's not a mum - other than that I only know her opinions on certain issues, she doesn't give much else away.

By its very nature (written debate) mn tends to attract graduates, but certainly not exclusively. My (ltd) experience of mn is that there's people from all walks of life on here.

Re 'mn is too quick to say ltb' every thread I've seen where this ends up being said, op has initially posted something seemingly innocuous but it's then turned out there's far more to it.

Op - of course Aibu is more "robust" it's the nature of that board due to the framing of the questions - yes or no! And why, if you're giving a definitive answer you need to back it up. Plus the questions are usually quite provocative themselves on emotive subjects.

I'm also highly sceptical of anyone who ALWAYS or NEVER does a thing - most of us have our normal patterns within which we operate but few people NEVER deviate from that. Re the 'cooking from scratch' brigade, I've come across a few who either on other threads or (unfortunately contradicting themselves) on the same threads it turns out that actually they do use ready made sauces or whatever, at least occasionally. I recently had one of these query a fairly standard ingredient in a fairly standard dish despite claiming they regularly make the same dish from scratch. 😂

Bluelady · 14/09/2018 18:10

I've come to really like you, Graphista. You rarely say anything that I don't agree with and when we don't see eye to eye, your views are always well considered and acutely intelligent. You're one of the posters I'd love to meet irl.

Graphista · 14/09/2018 19:45

Oh wow Blush

Thank you BlueLady I consider that a really lovely compliment.

I've felt the same about you - as you say we don't always agree but you, will come back in a thoughtful and considered way.

I enjoy lively debate, I like being challenged (intellectually speaking) and I have friends in real life who have very different, even stringently opposing, opinions than mine on certain topics, yet we can debate these and still be good friends.

There's very few posters who I really have taken a dislike to and whether they name change or get banned I'm not sure, but they tend not to seem to last long. These people I dislike not because of their opposing views (well not JUST because of that) but because HOW they present those views is done offensively, usually dismissively of others views or with a tone of "I know better so stfu!" No need for that.

Bluelady · 14/09/2018 19:56

Thank you 😊 too. I completely agree that it's not what people say but how they say it.

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