AIBU to say DD can't stay at home and quit her job?

[SecurityPesto]

Hello,

My daughter is 20 and doing an Access to HE course. She just started it this year.

She works in a supermarket 2 days a week (only 12 hours in total).

She has her college on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. She is off the other days. Works 6 hours Monday and Sunday. She cannot change her shifts as that was the initial plan, but her manager can't do that as no availability.

She is saying her Monday is far too difficult. She gets up at 6am - home at 4pm and goes to work at 5pm-11pm. However, this is the only day she has to do this. The Tuesday and Wednesday are college and she does the other shift on the Sunday.

She isn't allowed to drop to one shift and cannot swap any shifts, so the only option would be for her to leave.

AIBU to say she can't stay at home and not continue the job?

Genuinely please. This is quite difficult as I have 2 older DC who moved out at 18 for uni and never lived back at home again, so I don't know the best way for this.

It does sound tough but it’s the toughness that will be the motivating factor in finding a new job. This is a real world life lesson, sometimes you just to have to get your head down.

I wouldn’t tell her that she can’t quit her job, that has to be her call but I would point out that you won’t be funding her unemployment. Phone, tampons, mags etc cost money and she isn’t a kid anymore. So rather than dictate what she can and cannot do, which is a regressive step given her age, I would emphasise probable the consequences of her decisions.

And don’t you think this had an impact on their teaching maisy?

This is one way young people from affluent backgrounds have an advantage over those who aren’t from families who can afford to support them.

Oh lovely so she’s got to bleed everywhere when she’s got her period?

And she’s not unemployed, she’s at college.

there will be jobs on thurs, fri sat
she should be allowed to change her hours, work somewhere else, without any input from her mother.

And she is 20, not even 16,
you are being unreasonable.

I personally think it's good for her.

In what way?

Tell her she can quit when she finds another job. It is only one day.

I think I am softer than many posters as Imthink YABU both to tell her what to do on her job and to kick her out. She is a student - yes, Imhear the posts saying DD should woman up, welcome to the real world and to suck it up - but that will come soon enough. Let her focus on her studies. All on the assumption that you are not having to give her an allowance

I think she needs to find another job that does not involve her working till 11pm the Sunday before her 3 days at college.

Yes dome people have it worse and Monday is the only long day, but it's also the day before college on Tues and weds.

Definitely not setting herself up to do her best. She will likely just be ploughing through the days without being able to make the best of it.

Would other shirt jobs could she do in Thurs/fri/sat?

Care home (cleaning carer etc)
Different shop
Waiting tables or bar work?

She only has college three days a week so if this is a massive problem then she needs to find a job a where she can work on her days off and when she doesn’t have college the next day - so Thursday, Friday or Saturday. I would have thought that in the run-up to Christmas there must be lots of supermarkets recruiting people to work those days and if she doesn’t have college she can work any shift. I don’t think working 12 hours a week is overly arduous for a student it’s just the timing (though lots of students would be up until the wee hours socialising - I think burning the candle at both ends is pretty par for the course at that age).

continuallychargingmyphone
Not really. Trainees (In ny opinion) shouldn't be up to midnight planning and marking etc. It's not something that should be promoted.

The trainees who worked a couple of shifts (often having done a couple of shifts through uni too) were usually the ones who were very organised, proactive, made the most of their time in school and were all round better trainees to work with.

I'm not saying trainees should work, but unless they are doing loads of shifts then it shouldnt impact negatively.

Anecdotally, the very weak ones seemed to spend every day going on about how tired they are, how they couldn't do X y z because they had university paperwork to do, everything was poor me and they felt everyone should spoon feed them the course, very disorganised, would waste time sitting on their phones during PPA time (when they were on a 50% timetable so had 13 hours a week free in the day) and miss deadlines. They were still in GCSE mode of ' but you should ensure I pass'.

I was doing a longer day than that 2 days a week through my A-levels and college. Once a week should be manageable.

Haven't read everything but its her education that is most important at this stage. Going into college wrecked defeats the whole purpose of being there. She will not be moving forward. My dc all worked during college but if it ever interfered with their days at college they quit and found a more suitable job.
Look, she tried it. She was willing to do it. So don't be too hard on her as those hours are mad. I thought you were going to say she didn't want to work Thurs/ Fri.
You have to remember her health too. I wouldn't ask anyone to do hours l wouldn't do myself and l certainly would not do those hours for any length of time.
She will find another job if she has no money for clothes/ make up etc. Let her give up Mon and do it happily with no big lecture.

At her age I had left home and moved to another city by 18, lived in a shared house and worked full time hours (and the rest)
At 21? I went back to college for an access course and a GCSE and worked 30hrs a week

But this was HARD.
I did it because I had no other option, but my college work definitely suffered.
I then did the same through uni.

If you can afford for her to live at home whilst she studies and she can work just enough to give herself some money for going out, toiletries etc that I think that would be fair.

Assuming she wants some money, she wants to earn.
she gets to decide op.
it is really not your decision

I can't believe all of those people who are saying it's too much!

It's ONE day a week. She has Thursday, Friday and Saturday totally free, and only does a short shift on a Sunday.

No it's not ideal but in OP's shoes I'd be telling her her to suck it up until she can either swap her shifts so she's not working on a Monday or find another job.

Christ when I was at uni full time I had a job on top AND worked in the family pub it's not fun at times but if needs must for her she needs to stick it out until shifts change or get a new job.

Well she is 20 so her decision but perhaps a little talk about the real world and that some people do this everyday and come
Home to kids to look after and a
House.

The Monday is hard, but it's not forever, so she needs to continue or find another job before she quits.

When I was at university, it was 5 full days for most of the 3 years (hard science). I had had a weekend and Thursday evening job for the whole 3 years. It was hard, but my parents couldn't afford to pay for me entirely, so it was that or leave university. I got through it by reminding myself that it wasn't forever (it didn't affect my studies; I got a first and then did a PhD, which was a welcome break as I then had weekends 'off').

It sounds to me that you’re almost punishing her for going to college later in life than your other children.

I suspect you don’t approve of her choices and so this is coming out in the way you’re dealing with this situation.

I’m certain that the people saying it’s too much are 9-5ers. This would be normal for shift work.

Jog on @arcadepixie I regularly work long hours and have done crazy shift patterns and I think it’s too much for what is essentially a weekend job. Ten hours a week won’t be making her much. Is it worth fucking up her education for Tesco who won’t even let her change shifts which really wouldn’t be that hard to organise.

Well then presumably you haven't read the posts from all of us shift workers saying it's shit ArcadePixie

She needs to find another job before she leaves. When I was 20 I did a degree which required attendance in a city 30 mins away for three evenings a week 6-9 as well as working 38 hours a week during the day.
I also had degree work to do on a weekend.
I managed fine and qualified with no debt from my degree.

You can do it when you’re young. I could probably do it now as well if I had to.

Are you rural? How come it’s so hard to find a job where you are? If there is a genuine lack of availability I think you should be more understanding if she doesn’t get another job.