parents can imagine what their lives without children may have been like as it could potentially be a continuation of their pre-children lives.
The key there is their lives. As people get older their lives naturally change whether they have children or not and circumstances can change dramatically, instantly.
When I was 25 I was young, childless and had just got married. We planned to start trying for a baby in a couple of years as we wanted to travel, have fun and concentrate on our careers - he had just finished teacher training and was working in a lovely primary school. I was training to be a sports physio. We had a plan for our lives. That plan involved 3 children that my husband would take a career break to stay at home with. All he wanted was to be a father and we were excited about our future as well as enjoying our present carefree, childfree lives.
Fast forward on to 10 years later. We had then been trying for 8 years and I've had 5 miscarriages and 2 rounds of IVF at £30K each time. We are still together and still hopeful, but the stress of infertility is starting to show. My husband has to take time off work for stress and depression. When he is feeling better we plan another cycle and more investigations. He starts coaching a children's rugby team in his spare time - of which we feel we have too much. I volunteer as a physio for a sports team for disabled people as well as go self employed in my profession to earn more money to pay for the IVF. It is only in our worst moments that we even start to admit that we might not have our happy ending. We no longer plan for 3 children. Just one will be enough. We no longer holiday because we can't afford it and we rarely socialise because all our friends have children.
5 years after that our final IVF cycle ends in a horrendous miscarriage that results in a hysterectomy. I'm now 40 and due to my husband's continuing mental health issues adoption is out of the question. Shortly after that miscarriage he kills himself. I find his body after coming home from taking his mother to hospital for her chemo. I'm left with a pile of debt and no way of paying it off without taking on more and more work, which is what I've done over the last few years.
On top of that I am now the sole carer for my mother in law as she enters end stage cancer. At the moment she can still live independently, but we have plans for her to move in with me shortly so I can care more for her and, when I'm not there, I can arrange nursing care and help from my own father - a retired GP. My father in law has dementia, so I'm responsible for all decisions relating to his care as well.
I guess you can call my call my voluntary work hobbies, but I see it as a way of continuing the legacy of my husband by helping young men with mental health problems.
So don't assume that the exciting carefree life you might have had before having your child is in any way comparable to the lives that some of us continue to live now after long term infertility.