To think this was thoughtless and be hurt for my son

[DileenODoubts]

DS is 10, has a friend F since preschool.
For the last 2 years F has had a sleepover for his birthday. This year his mom (who I consider a friend) said F is doing same again this year, I’ll text you details. For the last few weeks F has been talking about it & including DS in the plans.
Got a text today while DS at school that said F party from 3 to 7, thought ok not a sleepover this year, text back & RSVP.
DS came home from school asking if I’d got a text about a sleepover or with times? Apparently all the boys were asking ‘what text did you get?’ at school because F was saying 2 kids were going to be picked up early and the rest could stay.
All DS’ friends are staying but him, he was heartbroken when I told him but putting on a brave face.
I text mum saying ‘just confirming times as there was some confusion about sleepover and she replied that yep only some kids (most) are staying for a sleepover.
Am I overreacting in thinking this is shitty and being sad for my son?

@DileenODoubts I have only read to page 15 but your son sounds like a lovely, mature young man. Not wanting to have ‘rival’ sleep overs is very thoughtful. He is a credit to you

The sooner it's over the better OP.
Move on. We take a while sometimes to learn our place.
Have a great day with ds. And don't look back. It's between the DC's friendships now.

It’s been a good reminder for me and ds to be mindful in ensuring we don’t make anyone feel like that

You sound lovely, as does your ds.

I think it shows that the parent who does this has always secretly been jealous of your child and their capabilities and popularity etc and so it gives them opportunity to ‘get one over’ on you and your child. This happened to my dd there were only three girls invited to party day out and my dd had no idea the other girl was sleeping over until I dropped her off and the other parent told me. My daughter was devastated as was I.

i bet the party boy is upset too.
hope everyone can move on

@DileenODoubts

I hope my boy grows up to be as thoughtful and caring as yours.

I don’t get the run home and find out which text you have bit if the child had already chosen.

Either mother is lying or son is.
Both appear to be blaming the other for the choice.

Still not sure of the difference between 5 boys and 7 boys for a sleep over is.
Why she needed her dh to supervise 2 boys.

I replied to your op way upthread. I’ve just come back to see what your decision was.

You absolutely did exactly what I hoped you’d do. Hopefully your ds feels better now, he’s come out of this brilliantly and I bet he feels lighter with dignity intact. You too!

Let’s hope this has given this mum a life lesson.

You and your son sound really thoughtful, kind and dignified. Apple has not fallen far from the tree, and I'm sure you are as proud of him as his very sensible and mature response to all of this deserves.

I've been thinking the same olivers.

It doesn't sound a particularly nice way to be treated OP, sorry to hear. Hopefully they will have your son over soon.

OP you handled it very well.
Your ds is a credit to you.
What a nasty woman the party giver is.
Imagine doing that to two children.
Am I right in thinking from your 'name' you are Irish - Dilín ó Deamhas ????

I think you'd also be hurt if they hadnt flaunted it and you'd found out about it later. Its the whole issue that your son isnt as good a friend to this child as you had thought. Which is horrible but you cant expect children to never change friends

I think you're naive in believing the mum isn't being a bitch, she definitely IS. There's something you obviously don't know, like her son is jealous of yours or something. I don't believe this is innocent for the tiniest second, not at all.

Your son has handled it brilliantly and I think him and the other boy should have their own rival sleepover, why not?

I'm so, so sorry for your son and the other boy that this bitch dragged in to the situation.

Olivers, I don't know why you don't "get" the bit about the friends having to go home to see which text they had received. Of course the son of Nasty Party Giver knew which text each had received, as it was he who had made the choice. It is clear from this that the boy was "egging" the situation by telling his friends that some had been chosen and some hadn't and that they would have to wait till they got home to see which invitation they had received and whether they were lucky enough to have made the cut to attend his sleepover. What a horrible little boy!

I think it is the pretence that the son was transferring blame onto the mother making it seem like it was her who chose who was sleeping over and the mother was making it out to be the sons choice

Only having a few for a sleepover isn’t great, but some of the reactions here are extreme! Children can’t be picked all the time for everything.