To think this was thoughtless and be hurt for my son

[DileenODoubts]

DS is 10, has a friend F since preschool.
For the last 2 years F has had a sleepover for his birthday. This year his mom (who I consider a friend) said F is doing same again this year, I’ll text you details. For the last few weeks F has been talking about it & including DS in the plans.
Got a text today while DS at school that said F party from 3 to 7, thought ok not a sleepover this year, text back & RSVP.
DS came home from school asking if I’d got a text about a sleepover or with times? Apparently all the boys were asking ‘what text did you get?’ at school because F was saying 2 kids were going to be picked up early and the rest could stay.
All DS’ friends are staying but him, he was heartbroken when I told him but putting on a brave face.
I text mum saying ‘just confirming times as there was some confusion about sleepover and she replied that yep only some kids (most) are staying for a sleepover.
Am I overreacting in thinking this is shitty and being sad for my son?

then he, bf and the other boy will do something in a week or two. He doesn’t want it to seem like a rival sleepover the same night as F’s one

Love your boy’s spirit. Very mature of him to think that way and shows even when he is hurting, he still shows character.

I don’t want it to be a big drama as they are in a lot of the same friendship groups in school and activities.
I’ve told DS I’m proud of how he’s handled it.
Plan is to move on and learn from it, to make sure we don’t make anyone feel the same

Wow. The other mother still just doesn't get it.

I'm glad your ds declined and his bff did as well.

Great attitude O P.

I think the mums response showed a complete lack of self awareness and emotional intelligence

OP you are a star and the apple doesn't fall far from the tree does it? Your DS is copying you, well done to both of you for how you've handled it

Well done Dileen - glad your boy is ok with it, and his BFF sounds like a star, although I do feel for the party boy because his mother has basically caused a situation that has almost halved his party guest number!
Never mind, not your problem.

I don’t want it to be a big drama

You certainly made it a big drama, though.

"You certainly made it a big drama, though."

No she really didn't TheClaws. She sought clarification and then politely and graciously withdrew her son.

You handled it well OP.

TheClaws the other two withdrew too, not a nice way to treat kids to exclude. The mum should have had some awareness.

sent 2 of us home 6 remained for sleepover - nice - am sure Jesus wouldn't have condoned that

Especially after what happened at the Inn.

Only read first page. Invite other excluded kid to yours for sleepover?

Maybe RTFT

Just did finally after feeling like a tit for commenting and wishing there was a way to delete my post

This is quite common practice where I live. I wouldn't take offence if I were you. I doubt it was meant that way.

Well done OP, you and your DS handled it brilliantly.

You should be very proud of him, he sounds like a kind and thoughtful young man!

Not sure what her husband being home or not has to do with the price of bread. And she was ‘worried this would happen’.
What and arse.
Well done OP and son. Whatever he does with dad make sure you FB & instagram the shit out of it

Does your ds need a bit of muscle around to keep him under control, or something?!
What a ridiculous, insulting reason to insist that your son can’t be accommodated

Think you & your son handled it brilliantly - prob a bit of a learning curve for the other family, that they can’t think that everything will fit nicely around them! I think she was clueless and thoughtless, not sure spiteful is very fair.

Like seven kids is vastly more difficult to control than five!

If she was afraid this would happen when why do it? She actively made her son choose to upset 2 of his friends and admits that she knew this would be the outcome when she did it.

Glad your DS is ok

At least she said sorry!

Had she said way back-

“I’m a bit nervous if all 7 saying as DH is away, do you fancy coming over for a bit to give me a hand?”

Totally different outcome.

Did you reply to her? It still feels like she doesn't really understand what a shitty thing she's done. Especially cos she asked you to be there for the party, but your ds wasn't invited to stay over.

Agree with Timeisslippingaway . Definitely arrange a sleepover with the other excluded child with great films snacks and fun. Send an invite now so they can discuss it at school to show they don’t care about being left out because they have something just as good lined up.

At the same time encourage your DS to widen his his friendships and be friendly but not reliant on this friend . No doubt the mother set the numbers to stay but surely she asked her son who to ask for the sleepover ? It’s very hurtful to discover a good friend sees you in not quite the same light . You DS sounds a lovely boy and will no doubt have plenty of friends. I hope he can get over this soon.
How can any mother exclude 2 children like this ? Unforgivable !

Maybe you need to re-evaluate you relationship with the mother.

think the mums response showed a complete lack of self awareness and emotional intelligence

^ this.

She has taught her son that his desire to have the party he wants overrides any of his friend's feelings. She could have just done a sleepover for 2 or 3 or had a non sleepover party or done it on a different weekend.

think the mums response showed a complete lack of self awareness and emotional intelligence

Also agree wholeheartedly.

If her husband is away then why the hell couldn’t they have arranged a sleepover when he’s around instead? Or have a smaller number sleeping over?