Found out DH has cheated on a test

[hrocia]

Had to NC for this as DH knows my username.

Recently DH invested in some kind of online certificate to develop his professional skills in a certain field, this cost us £950. Was fine with this as it was obviously needed.

We share the same e-mail address and a few days ago an e-mail ticked in, saying that the answers for his exam were ready. Turns out he's paid a fair amount of money to get the exam results e-mailed to him. He doesn't know that I know he's cheated as I marked the e-mail as unread and he deleted it shortly after.

He's now pretending that he passed the exam without any issues and I can't decide if I am more disappointed that he cheated or the fact that he wasn't going to tell me. Do I let him know that I know or should I just let it go?

I'd just let it go.

let him brag about it to you then tell him you know about the email and that your really disappointed. Defo tell him

let him brag about it to you then tell him you know about the email and that your really disappointed. Defo tell him

Really? Why? He's not a naughty school boy and op isn't his head mistress,

I'd be disgusted. I hate cheats and would never do it.

He's obviously too ashamed to tell you. Is it something you can get over or does it make you see him in a new light? If you can accept why he did it it might be a weight off his shoulders to know you know.

I think I'd be wondering what else he lies to you about.

Throw him a surprise party for passing. When the guests have gone tell him you know he cheated.
Then tell everyone else.
Deal breaker for me.

This would really bother me. I wouldn’t say anything unless it comes up in conversation, maybe even when other people are around and say, ‘oh didn’t you get the answers emailed to you for that one?’ (Raised eyebrow). Passive aggressive sure, but it’s really unpleasant to be a cheat.

LTB.

But seriously, does it really matter in the grand scheme of thing?

Apologies for dripfeeding.

Yes, I suppose I can get over the cheating although I am disappointed as he's not usual lazy. I'm guessing he must be feeling really ashamed or as if he'd let me down. The thing that bugs me the most is that he's always claimed that he'd never lie to me and that he can't keep secrets from me.. which obviously is no longer true!

@Aprilshowersnowastorm christ... bit dramatic!!

Throw him a party and then tell everybody? Fucking hell. That's harsh.

If it was my dh I'd be really concerned. I know him, I know he's clever, I know he's never cheated at anything before. I'd be worried about the stress he was under to get to that point.

How do you know he cheated? Presumably they are sending him the answers after his exam so he can go over them? Or is it to go over a practice exam? I doubt that the body sering the test would be sending him the answers to a future exam.

It sounds to me like it was a third party who supplied the answers. The husband then used them to pass the exam.

I’d be pissed off he wasted family money on something he hasn’t used for his benefit, i.e. the course. Did he not attend/do the work needed? If so he’s learnt nothing! And the cheating also. No way should he be claiming he now has the certificate to his employees, what a plonker.

Deceitful and smug?
Ney way could I live with that.

Actually divorced exh for deceit.
Bigger scale but still lies...

@inTheBoredroom

I was joking!

Op do not LTB 😂😂

What kind of professional pays for their own exam

Self employed IT professionals for one. My DH has paid for several courses / exams. I don't share an email address with him though, that is a bit weird

meh!

I might be capable of cheating at exams (not so sure about paying actual money though), but I wouldn’t keep it a secret from DP.

Playing Devil's advocate here but couldn't think be symptomatic of a bigger problem? Is he under too much pressure and struggling to cope so he took an 'easy' way out?

I'd be cautious about being too quick to judge.

What profession is he in?

My initial thought was whether this certificate carries a lot of weight and subsequent responsibility (e.g. if it was an exam about safety or healthcare issues) which has required study and learning, or if it's something needed as a "box ticker" on his CV, in order to progress. If the latter, I'd be more forgiving.

My industry has so many bullshit professional expensive "qualifications" which actually teach you nothing, they're usually just to prove you know how to do the job you've been happily doing for years.

I'd tell him you know about it and ask him his reasons. You'll just brood on it if you don't get it out in the open.

So he's paid £1000 to get an online accreditation and wants to ensure success, I don't really have a problem with it. Presuming he's not in a life saving field and is cheating on how to perform CPR.

I've never known my DH to fail any exam but money is tight for us right now. If additionally he was stressed at work and felt like he couldn't afford, for various reasons to fail I honestly wouldn't see a problem. On the understanding that you felt like he was diligent and competent generally... if he bought his way through life and has no loyalty or intelligence then the test itself wouldn't exactly be my deal breaker it would be the last straw!