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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Found out DH has cheated on a test

176 replies

hrocia · 10/09/2018 13:45

Had to NC for this as DH knows my username.

Recently DH invested in some kind of online certificate to develop his professional skills in a certain field, this cost us £950. Was fine with this as it was obviously needed.

We share the same e-mail address and a few days ago an e-mail ticked in, saying that the answers for his exam were ready. Turns out he's paid a fair amount of money to get the exam results e-mailed to him. He doesn't know that I know he's cheated as I marked the e-mail as unread and he deleted it shortly after.

He's now pretending that he passed the exam without any issues and I can't decide if I am more disappointed that he cheated or the fact that he wasn't going to tell me. Do I let him know that I know or should I just let it go?

OP posts:
StormcloakNord · 10/09/2018 15:40

The only part about this that would bother me was him not trusting me enough to tell me he was planning on cheating. Cheating, meh, not the end of the world I'm sure lots of people do it - but I'd be concerned at the secrecy.

Dahlietta · 10/09/2018 15:40

How does having your results emails constitute cheating?

I also don't understand this. Did you mean he had the answers emailed to him prior to taking the test or did you miss out a bit in the middle?

RedneckStumpy · 10/09/2018 15:46

How do you know he used the cheat sheet? Maybe he got it as insurance so he didn’t waste family money.

I see it as protecting the family, no issue

LizB62A · 10/09/2018 15:49

How much did he pay for the answers?

Perfect11 · 10/09/2018 15:50

Is it an OU exam?

DolorestheNewt · 10/09/2018 15:56

Is it possible that it's common practice for this particular certificate? Is it all stuff he knows, but they set an impossible pass mark and he needs the certificate for his career path?
Really, I wouldn't care about this provided he wasn't getting himself into a situation he couldn't sustain, i.e. wasn't putting himself at risk of losing his job because he isn't up to it (or prosecution, obviously, but for an IT certificate? That might happen in Financial Services, but in IT?)
Did he expect you to congratulate him on passing, or was it much more of a "right, I've got that done" kind of thing?

As for Aprilshowersnowastorm, I certainly couldn't live up to what I suspect are her lofty ideals.

Ginslinger · 10/09/2018 16:00

this doesn't make sense - he's already sat the exam and so now he's had the answers after the event? This doesn't mean he's cheated, it's just giving information

YearOfYouRemember · 10/09/2018 16:03

Mysterious

Batteriesallgone · 10/09/2018 16:03

OP, come back and clarify!

DolorestheNewt · 10/09/2018 16:07

he's already sat the exam and so now he's had the answers after the event?
I did wonder, but I think the OP meant to say that the email said that the answers to the exam were ready for him, not the results, and they predated the exam. Fairly pointless thread otherwise.

Witchend · 10/09/2018 16:07

It doesn't sound like cheating. He's had his answer paper returned, or maybe the exam board emails the answers out.
Anyway you said that was a few days ago. You're telling me that either he received the answers, memorised them, sat the exam and they marked and returned results in a few days.
Or an exam that is so important and costs ridiculous amounts of money leaves it open so easily to cheat they trust you to do it at home on your own...

Not buying either idea. You've got the wrong end of the stick somewhere.

DolorestheNewt · 10/09/2018 16:08

Perfect11
Is it an OU exam?

Any reason you ask? Just curious, not squaring up to you!

butterflysugarbaby · 10/09/2018 16:08

Why do you share the same email address? Confused

Very weird.

As for the 'problem' of him cheating. I would not give a shit tbh.

Wheresthebeach · 10/09/2018 16:11

Sharing an email address is odd, odder to read an email and then pretend you haven't when you share an address. Surely he'd have expect you to see the email.

None of this makes much sense.

butterflysugarbaby · 10/09/2018 16:13

Why are so many people saying the email said the RESULTS are ready?!!!

The OP said..........

We share the same e-mail address and a few days ago an e-mail ticked in, saying that the answers for his exam were ready.

ANSWERS, not results.

Perfect11 · 10/09/2018 16:15

I was just being nosey.. it was an alternative exam that I could think of where you’d potentially pay £900 odd for the module qualification.

Perfect11 · 10/09/2018 16:19

Did he definitely receive the email with the answers before he took his exam?? Could it possibly be ‘last years answers’ that he may have requested to aid revision?

kaytee87 · 10/09/2018 16:20

@butterflysugarbaby

Turns out he's paid a fair amount of money to get the exam results e-mailed to him.

Op also said this

melj1213 · 10/09/2018 16:24

@butterflysugarbaby because the very next sentence of that paragraph reads: Turns out he's paid a fair amount of money to get the exam results e-mailed to him

Having exam answers messaged and having exam results emailed are very different and people would like clarification since the OP used different terms in two consecutive sentences.

ravenmum · 10/09/2018 16:26

I used to share an email address with my husband - [email protected]. Is that so weird? It was useful for school emails etc. I also had three other addresses just for me.

One thing I was so relieved not to have to put up with after we split up was going along with his lies. Made-up reasons why he shouldn't have got parking tickets, arriving late at his parents and saying we were held up by traffic when we had just got up late. Only little things, but it's just not me.

Personally I'd mention it and express surprise and mild disappointment. Just because as the spouse you are kind of implicated by association.

butterflysugarbaby · 10/09/2018 16:28

Yeah I wish the OP WOULD tell us what she means.... answers or results!!! Confused

@hrocia ??? Are you there?

TedAndLola · 10/09/2018 16:45

I wouldn't care about the "cheating" after taking my own professional exam, during which I was fully expected to have the £80 book with me to look up all the answers. Many - most? - of them are just money-making exercises for the professional body.

I might be a bit bothered that he hadn't confided in me, but that's also understandable.

Mountain out of a molehill IMO.

Walkingdeadfangirl · 10/09/2018 16:46

Oh its only an online test, get over it, its really none of your business.

I think its weird sharing someone else's email address and looking at his email then marking it unread is very controlling.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 10/09/2018 16:47

It could be both. He got his results and paid to have his transcript sent back. So he would have paid for that and probably for his certification too.

As others have said, he could also have paid for a past exam paper package, all exam boards/providers have those, charges vary wildly.

It could be anything. In my head I cannot imagine him paying for a set of answers he could C+P into his exam paper... I ran a department with online exams for quite a while and nobody has access to the exact paper, many online certs have a set of randomly allocated question and a time limit.

So I can imagine that the email didn't contain quite what OP thought it did - or the certification was a dud from start to finish!

SoupDragon · 10/09/2018 16:51

I don’t understand how you get answers to an exam before you’ve sat it.

I paid a considerable sum to get the answers to my DSs A level when it was 1 Mark off the higher grade. They were emailed to me but it wasn’t cheating as he had already sat the exam, obviously.