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AIBU?

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Original poster

Found out DH has cheated on a test

176 replies

hrocia · 10/09/2018 13:45

Had to NC for this as DH knows my username.

Recently DH invested in some kind of online certificate to develop his professional skills in a certain field, this cost us £950. Was fine with this as it was obviously needed.

We share the same e-mail address and a few days ago an e-mail ticked in, saying that the answers for his exam were ready. Turns out he's paid a fair amount of money to get the exam results e-mailed to him. He doesn't know that I know he's cheated as I marked the e-mail as unread and he deleted it shortly after.

He's now pretending that he passed the exam without any issues and I can't decide if I am more disappointed that he cheated or the fact that he wasn't going to tell me. Do I let him know that I know or should I just let it go?

OP posts:
postcardsfrom · 10/09/2018 14:41

If it’s that easy to cheat and pass with the answers provided then I wouldn’t imagine that this ‘accreditation ‘ is worth much in be real world. Employers do know the difference between Mickey Mouse online stuff like this and accreditations that take time and skill BTw. If anything i’d be annoyed that he’s wasting money on this at all.
If he boasts about his ‘perfect’ pass rate or any of that nonsense i’d Pull him on it.

9amtrain · 10/09/2018 14:41

If he wants to cheat that's his prerogative but he shouldn't lie to you about it. Your his wife. You jointly paid for that certificate.

How anyone can condone this on the basis of him not being a naughty school kid is ridiculous.

9amtrain · 10/09/2018 14:41

You're* !

WomanWithAltitude · 10/09/2018 14:42

Some very dramatic, bizarre responses from some people!

Op, this will eat away at you, so you should tell him you know. Sit him down and talk about it, and try to find out why he has lied. Maybe he's ashamed/embarassed? Whatever the reason, you need to communicate about it.

If you feel this reflects so badly on his character that you don't want to be with him, then the chat will make that clear to you.

Rezie · 10/09/2018 14:42

I would bring this up and talk about it. I think his attitude towards it would detemrine if it's a dealbreaker or not. I'm not ok with cheating in a test, tells a lot about character when talking about an adult man.

DiegoMad0nna · 10/09/2018 14:44

Throw him a surprise party for passing. When the guests have gone tell him you know he cheated.
Then tell everyone else.
Deal breaker for me.

Apart from this being a huge over-reaction, it wouldn't work very well because nobody would come to a party celebrating a guy passing an IT certificate exam 😂 😂

BitOfFun · 10/09/2018 14:47

It's weird not to discuss stuff like this as a matter of course, I'd say.

Can't you just tell him that you'd noticed he'd paid for the answers? You don't have to sound judgemental about it, but it will be better for you both if you are open with each other.

SirVixofVixHall · 10/09/2018 14:49

I would be shocked if my DH cheated on a test full stop, but even more so if he hadn’t mentioned it,( eg if it was a “box ticking” type of thing and he hadn’t had time to revise, or something ).
I would ask my DH straight away, the deceit would worry me too much not to talk about it.
Is he under huge amounts of pressure ?
Is this a test on something vital to his knowledge that might affect someone else’s safety ?
As those two things would affect how I felt about it.

SheCameFromGreeceSheHadaThirst · 10/09/2018 14:53

Apart from this being a huge over-reaction, it wouldn't work very well because nobody would come to a party celebrating a guy passing an IT certificate exam

Grin Grin Grin Grin Grin

RedSkyLastNight · 10/09/2018 14:53

Eh? Are there mistakes in your OP because I can't actually see what on earth DH has done wrong. He gets an email saying his exam has been marked and then has the results emailed to him. Am I missing something?

I work in IT. I'm not aware of any company that provides answers for certification tests. Ones providing model answers and answers to sample questions, yes - but looking at these is a standard part of revising for a test.

9amtrain · 10/09/2018 14:57

Well it sounds like he sent off the questions to an independent body who emailed the results back to him?

9amtrain · 10/09/2018 14:58

The answers*

MissConductUS · 10/09/2018 14:58

In the US academic testing companies routinely make old versions of the tests with answers available for students who want to use them for practice test taking. Tutoring companies use them to identify areas where a student is weak and needs additional practice.

I think you may be reading too much into this.

Gersemi · 10/09/2018 15:10

I think we need to establish whether this email was sent before the test, and who it came from.

deydododatdodontdeydo · 10/09/2018 15:13

I would rather my DH cheated than fail and waste our £950

I'm shocked so many people are fine with cheating.

SoupDragon · 10/09/2018 15:15

I don’t understand.

Did he get someone else to sit it?

melj1213 · 10/09/2018 15:17
  1. Was he emailed the "results" of the exam he had already taken or the "answers" to a test he is yet to take?

1.a if it is the former, how is that proof of cheating?
1.b if it is the latter how do you know they are for the accreditation exam?

  1. Are you sure he hasn't been given/paid for past papers to study from? I had to do some professional development courses and we were regularly provided (or at least provided access to somewhere we could purchase) copies of previous tests to use as study aides. This is perfectly normal.
  1. Are you sure that this email wasn't from a third party Procter as he queried his final mark for some reason? I have put students in for exams and when their papers came back if they haven't got the expected mark or have been on a grade boundary then I will always reccommend lodging an appeal. This could then end in them getting an email which contained answers, their test score and a receipt (if they have had to pay for the remarking process)
  1. Why share an email? They're hardly being rationed and surely it limits your ability to create individual accounts for anything - e.g. Facebooor any other social media including professional sktes like LinkedIn needs an email address but if one of you already has an account then how do you create one for the other? Also how do you ever do any gift shopping for the other person if they have 100% access to online shopping receipts? I often used to buy ExDHs gifts online but if he had access to my emails then he would always have known what I bought and how much I spent on his gifts.
  1. If you trust each other enough to share an email address, why not just ask him about the email?
areyoubeingserviced · 10/09/2018 15:20

I am surprised that so many people are ok with cheating
I took a level 7 online course a few years ago. I could have cheated and got someone to write up my assignment, but I just couldn’t do it. It was difficult, as I have children and a very demanding career, but I passed with a merit.
If my husband cheated, I would lose a little respect for him tbh

HectorlovesKiki · 10/09/2018 15:23

I hate cheats. It demonstrates a complete lack of integrity, he's dishonest and lacking in professionalism. I just hope he's not a doctor or working in a field where he can damage someone.
If he thinks it's acceptable to lie to you about this, what else would he lie to you about?

Timeisslippingaway · 10/09/2018 15:23

He probably thought he really didn't want to do as it was a lot of money to pay and perhaps though he wouldn't be able to pass. My dp did a test recently that cost is 1200 for work and if he didn't do it he could do his job, that was a worry. Luckily he passed, not by much though bit if he hadn't we couldn't have afforded to pay for it again.

Shambu · 10/09/2018 15:25

We share the same e-mail address and a few days ago an e-mail ticked in, saying that the answers for his exam were ready. Turns out he's paid a fair amount of money to get the exam results e-mailed to him.

This doesn't make sense OP. From what you say it sounds as if he's paid money to have his exam answers emailed to him with his results. Rather than just receiving a mark.

Shambu · 10/09/2018 15:26

Eh? Are there mistakes in your OP because I can't actually see what on earth DH has done wrong. He gets an email saying his exam has been marked and then has the results emailed to him. Am I missing something?

Yes, exactly.

Shambu · 10/09/2018 15:27

Unless she meant 'exam answers' in the last line.

Jaxhog · 10/09/2018 15:34

Once a liar, always a liar. If he's 'casual' about the truth this time, what else isn't he telling you?

Tell him what you know. At least then you can discuss the consequences.

AcrossthePond55 · 10/09/2018 15:36

I guess I can understand someone wanting to guarantee they passed a test when they've invested so much money in the course. I'm not saying it's right, mind you, just that I can see the motivation.

I'd sit him down and calmly tell him you saw the email. Let him know that you realize it was his decision to make to get the answers and that it's not the decision you would make for yourself in the same situation. And that it has made a little dent in your trust knowing that he lied (by omission) by making a such big deal about passing.