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Original poster

Found out DH has cheated on a test

176 replies

hrocia · 10/09/2018 13:45

Had to NC for this as DH knows my username.

Recently DH invested in some kind of online certificate to develop his professional skills in a certain field, this cost us £950. Was fine with this as it was obviously needed.

We share the same e-mail address and a few days ago an e-mail ticked in, saying that the answers for his exam were ready. Turns out he's paid a fair amount of money to get the exam results e-mailed to him. He doesn't know that I know he's cheated as I marked the e-mail as unread and he deleted it shortly after.

He's now pretending that he passed the exam without any issues and I can't decide if I am more disappointed that he cheated or the fact that he wasn't going to tell me. Do I let him know that I know or should I just let it go?

OP posts:
OnASwissRoll · 11/09/2018 18:15

If this were me, and I had a suspicion he'd cheated on an exam (I'd double check first that it wasn't a practice exam, or his own answers/results emailed back to him) I'd have to ask him about it.

I wouldn't go wading in all guns blazing. I'd just want to get to the bottom of why he felt the need to cheat. I'd hate to think he was struggling with stress alone. Worse things happen at sea and it's not something I could get too wound up about tbh. It certainly wouldn't be "a deal breaker". I wouldn't jeopardise an otherwise good relationship for the sake of an exam, especially if it benefits his career and ultimately the whole family in the long run.

Some of these professional exams are pretty meaningless really. I recently took a course after taking a career break to be a SAHP. Everything I studied in that course I'd already had 15 yrs worth of previous extensive knowledge and experience of. But because I'd had a career break employers wouldn't touch me, so I had to re-study my own career all over again just to get the certification proof. It was such a pain in the backside, and bloody boring studying something you already know inside out.

TheWinterofOurDiscountTentsMk2 · 11/09/2018 18:16

For those asking, medics (junior doctors who have already done their 5 years of medical school) have to pay for their exams too. And sometimes this costs not just hundreds but thousands of pounds

Not online and not ones they can buy the answers for, they don't!

BolleauxtoBankers · 11/09/2018 18:18

I don't understand the original post. And the OP doesn't look as if they're coming back to explain themselves. So this is just odd.

laura6032 · 11/09/2018 18:21

Are you sure it means he cheated, could he have paid for the answers to compare to what he wrote in the exam maybe to see where he went wrong??

impossible · 11/09/2018 18:21

I'm afraid this would really annoy me, partly for the lie to me and partly for the lie about the qualification. Speak to him about it rather than feel resentful. Ask him why.

It's good you have such an honest relationship that you share an email but I think if you dont deal with the lie you will stop trusting him.

He should be careful too as what he is doing is illegal if used to take on a professional role he's not qualified for.

VladmirsPoutine · 11/09/2018 18:29

I honestly wonder how some people live. I wrote my sister's dissertation for her - she got a first and got a graduate job in the city. Did I spend time antagonising over my decision and wondering if I should disown her? No.

What is the fuss about?

Angelil · 11/09/2018 18:31

@TheWinterofOurDiscountTentsMk2 That wasn't the point. The question was "what kind of professional pays for their own exam?" I was responding to that aspect. Nothing to do with the online/cheating bit (TBH as others have pointed out the OP's original situation is pretty unclear anyway).

DelilahandDaisy · 11/09/2018 18:36

Why did you do that Vladimir?

Womaningreen · 11/09/2018 18:39

Vladimir

Wait, what?!

KurriKurri · 11/09/2018 18:45

she got a first

If what you say is true, she didn't did she ?

chasinggarlic · 11/09/2018 18:45

I wrote my sister's dissertation for her - she got a first

Erm, no, she didn't.

VladmirsPoutine · 11/09/2018 18:47

She was nearing the end of a long and very stressful course having done very well throughout it - she was probably one all-nighter away from a mental breakdown so I stepped in last minute.

DelilahandDaisy · 11/09/2018 18:49

Wow, all that work and all for nothing. A huge part of completing a degree is that huge sense of achievement. She must feel awful about cheating to gain hers. There are other ways you could have supported her, this will stay with her forever.

Jux · 11/09/2018 18:52

Oh well that's OK then. Hmm

Otherwise called cheat8ng, I'm afraid, aided and abetted by you.

DebbysMum · 11/09/2018 18:53

@hrocia

He had it sent to your joint email account so he wasn't trying to hide it obviously.

ButchyRestingFace · 11/09/2018 18:55

She was nearing the end of a long and very stressful course having done very well throughout it - she was probably one all-nighter away from a mental breakdown so I stepped in last minute.

I'm actually a bit shocked by that. I hope she you collect 10% of her annual income until retirement.

VladmirsPoutine · 11/09/2018 18:56

It's not something we have ever really spoken about bar the few months between submitting the paper and her graduation (and that was many many years ago). Tbh, of all the things we've been through together as sisters in our lives - even prior to her degree, this is pretty much nothing. I doubt she feels awful or "lives with it" Delilah, knowing her and I - this is/was a bit like her spilling wine on her dress just before a date and me offering to lend her one of mine; I'll add that if she didn't return the dress after the date I wouldn't be calling a family lawyer either. That's just how it is, I can appreciate others think differently.

DelilahandDaisy · 11/09/2018 18:58

Then why not let her get on with it herself, if she has been through worse she must have inner strength. She will never know what it feels like to achieve something like a degree or gaining a job legimately. That would weigh heavily on most people.

ButchyRestingFace · 11/09/2018 18:59

Still, if you're that good, VP, why waste your talents? A good living awaits you in ghost writing for desperate/lazy/thick students. Grin

When I matriculated for postgrad on Monday, the induction included a pep talk on how, thanks to Turnitin, the word has moved on from the days of plagiarism to ghost writing. It was impressed on us that the university is down with the kids and well aware of this fact, and therefore a number of students will be selected at random every term to defend their assignment to a panel (like a VIVA for cheats).

Jux · 11/09/2018 19:02

What about the others who were also coming to the end of a long and stressful course in which they'd done well, but were also one step away from a mental breakdown?

They probably dug deep, found resources they never knew they had, and finished their dissertations. So you deprived your sister of discovering that she could have done it by herself.

Treacletoots · 11/09/2018 19:02

Has anyone been harmed as a result of this incident? No probably not.

The only person who may suffer as a result of this decision is the cheater himself if, he gets a new job as a result of this and can't deliver.

The reality is almost all courses simply validate what someone already knows and in real life people get jobs from their experience first and qualifications are often not even taken notice of once they have valid experience and proven results.

Butterymuffin · 11/09/2018 19:03

How long and stressful? Three years, like most degree courses?

chattykathyblue100 · 11/09/2018 19:03

You sound like a lovely sister Vladimir

Mysteries · 11/09/2018 19:07

It sounds as if he is feeling very insecure, anxious, stressed.

Marie0 · 11/09/2018 19:08

I think the point is what type of test it was and how it impacts in the bigger picture. i.e if it is was something that just makes him look better on a CV with the potential of enabling him to get a better job I don't think it is really that bad.

Whereas if it was something that would directly effect someone else then yes that would be very bad. E.g pretending you had a skill to help others that really you didn't.