Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Found out DH has cheated on a test

176 replies

hrocia · 10/09/2018 13:45

Had to NC for this as DH knows my username.

Recently DH invested in some kind of online certificate to develop his professional skills in a certain field, this cost us £950. Was fine with this as it was obviously needed.

We share the same e-mail address and a few days ago an e-mail ticked in, saying that the answers for his exam were ready. Turns out he's paid a fair amount of money to get the exam results e-mailed to him. He doesn't know that I know he's cheated as I marked the e-mail as unread and he deleted it shortly after.

He's now pretending that he passed the exam without any issues and I can't decide if I am more disappointed that he cheated or the fact that he wasn't going to tell me. Do I let him know that I know or should I just let it go?

OP posts:
Tinkobell · 10/09/2018 17:02

Unfortunately your DH sounds like a mug. If paying £950 of your hard earned and a few strokes of the keyboard produces a duff certificate then it's not worth the paper that it's written on. He's lied to you and you've both lose £950 for a false qualification by the sound of things. Not good.

Ginseng1 · 10/09/2018 17:02

Are you sure he hadn't paid or got the answers after the exam to check how he did? Surely if you share an email he'd know you'd see it?

LuluJakey1 · 10/09/2018 17:10

So he paid to do a test, they sent him the questions, he then sent them to someone else who sent him back the answers and he used the answers and passed the test? That's what you say happened.

Strange professional qualification that sends tests out and leaves time for you to send them off, time for someone to do the test, send the answers back and then you to do the test. Not very rigorous at all. I imagine many people do the same if that is the case. Most professions would do tests exam style where you did not see them beforehand and had a set time to do them at the end of which the test finished eg 2 hrs.

I couldn't think they are held in much regard.

However, I'd tell him I thought it was dishonest that he had cheated.

PreseaCombatir · 10/09/2018 17:14

I think he just got the answers of the exam he took emailed back to him? That’s what it sounds like...

BewareOfDragons · 10/09/2018 17:26

If that were the case, he wouldn't have deleted him.

He's cheated.

I would ask him why.

MissLingoss · 10/09/2018 17:31

He's cheated.

I would ask him why.

And then be prepared for the fallout if it does turn out to be something along the lines suggested by pp.

PreseaCombatir · 10/09/2018 17:35

So was it multiple choice then? I’ve never known an exam which requires writing anything to take less than 6 weeks for results

bridgetreilly · 10/09/2018 17:41

I agree with pp. Tell him you read the email and ask why he did that.

sanssherif · 10/09/2018 17:44

Bloody hate cheats. Id raer fail than pay to pass something hes a failure in my eyes

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 10/09/2018 17:49

I don’t really get the timeline Confused. Is it an on-line test? And they sent out the printed question paper allowing time to get someone else to prepare answers before your DH sat it on-line?
If that’s true; it’s literally not worth the paper it’s written on.
Much like those mail order degrees the U.S. is famous for...
If he hadn’t the cop on to work that out, he maybe wouldn’t have passed without a crib sheet anyway?
So he’s paid nearly a grand for what’s essentially a firelighter.

RedneckStumpy · 10/09/2018 18:16

Why do you share the same email address?

DH and I share a email. We have our own emails, and a joint one. The joint one is where all the household bills, Amazon, Netflix etc goes.

That way nothing gets missed

Timeisslippingaway · 10/09/2018 18:32

Has OP gone then?

topcat2014 · 10/09/2018 18:39

How was this 'exam' taken?

I am struggling to think of one where you can just rock up and take papers in?

If it is done at home, and so you can just type in the answers, then surely it is not a proper exam and worth jack shit anyway?

Witchend · 10/09/2018 18:40

I share an email address with DH. It's used for things we might both be interested in, like things for the children.
I tend to look at things, mark them unread, DH often deletes after reading as he's normally second to read. If it's something I need to see he'll forward it to my account before he reads it, or check I've seen it.
If it's something more relevant to him or one one of us needs to see it, then he usually deletes it.

I don't go d either the above odd.

ivykaty44 · 10/09/2018 18:45

What a shame, trust is implicated in this..

Not sure what I would do?

If you tell him you know it may cause a rift but if you don’t it may fester away

Has he done stuff like this before?

givemesteel · 10/09/2018 18:58

I guess I would just assume he had a good reason to do this, eg not enough time to revise to pass it or just not be v good at that area (eg I am v good at my degree subject but really really shite at the stats bit).

It's not his A Levels or his degree, I assume it's just some box he has to tick to progress.

I'd just let it go, the moral superiority will cause a rift.

Butterymuffin · 10/09/2018 19:30

The qualification isn't worth much if it's possible to just pay for the right answers like that and it's done in a way where no one is checking it's really the candidate.

FinallyHere · 11/09/2018 13:00

he's paid a fair amount of money to get the exam results e-mailed to

Really not following this. Are exam results not whether you have passed or failed? Has he paid for model answers? If so, did they arrive before or after the pass/fail results?

Having read the full thread, I see that there questions have be raised but not really answered

Until the OP has had an open conversation it is all just speculation and gossip. I'm amazed by how often people post about worries without having spoken to the people concerned. Starting with an accusation. If cheating is maybe not the best way to have a useful conversation. Sigh.

TheWinterofOurDiscountTentsMk2 · 11/09/2018 13:04

Those kind of online certificates aren't worth the paper they are printed on anyway, so what does it matter? The very fact that its one you could buy the answers to tells you that its worthless junk that isn't worth passing anyway.

BeckyBec · 11/09/2018 17:46

Oh my goodness, what kind of untrustworthy person reads their husbands emails, marks them as unread and then deletes them - then has a rant about the fact their husband lied about a test...???
You are being unreasonable!! You have behaved no worse than he has.

ApolloandDaphne · 11/09/2018 17:52

I too cannot work out what he has supposed to have done wrong.

OP come back and give us some clarity?

Angelil · 11/09/2018 17:59

For those asking, medics (junior doctors who have already done their 5 years of medical school) have to pay for their exams too. And sometimes this costs not just hundreds but thousands of pounds.

Haven't RTFT yet OP but I agree with those saying perhaps it depends what type of exam it is/what the implications are.

Butteredparsn1ps · 11/09/2018 18:01

I’m another who isn’t seeing definitive evidence of cheating.

On the other hand. OP you have a shared email address and your DH knows your MN user name. There are a number of scenarios where that would be ringing alarm bells.

Jux · 11/09/2018 18:11

Cheaters appal me, anyway. If he can cheat in one thing, he can cheat in another, and another and another. Where does it stop?

simiisme · 11/09/2018 18:15

Loads of people on here with really dodgy morals.
I would let him know that I know. I would ask him why he did it. If he was suffering from anxiety, or afraid of failing after such a large investment of money, I'd be pretty forgiving, but I'd tell him I'd hope he'd never do it again.
Definitely not a LTB issue.
Definitely don't humiliate him by telling anybody else.