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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel bullied?

358 replies

JoulesMrs · 10/09/2018 10:32

Name changed in case the mums are on here, long back story so bare with me.

When my DD was at nursery she was inseparable from another girl. As a result of this I became very good friends with the girls mother. We used to meet each other socially and text each other virtually everyday. As they were approaching reception age I felt that my DD shouldn't be so reliant on this girl so I asked the nursery to change their days so they weren't together. I told the mum it was due to my work so as not to hurt her feelings. My DD then became friends with a girl who was also friends with my friends DD.

The problem came when the girls all started school as my DD then didn't want to play with my friends DD. My friends DD had some tantrums at school because my DD asked her not to play with her and their mutual friend. My friend then approached me to say her DD had come home from school upset and asked what was going on. I let slip about separating them at nursery and she went mad, accusing me of lying (OTT) and since then we haven't spoken.

I then became really good friends with the mum of the mutual friend to the girls. We started going for coffee and meeting at the school gates. My ex friend then started getting upset accusing us of talking about her and to be honest it ruined my DD's first year at school.

They are now in their second year and the mum of the mutual friend decided to move her DD to another school. My ex friend is what I call a PTA mum. She's involved with everything to do with the school and she's all up the other mum's asses, talking to them at the gates etc.

I now find myself stood alone at the gates because I can't join in conversations with the other mum's as she is there. My DD doesn't have many friends and I've tried inviting children back for tea but never get an invite back.

AIBU to speak to the head that I feel bullied and excluded?

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 10/09/2018 10:34

Yes you're being unreasonable. You seem perfectly fine with bullying and excluding this little girl.

Why did you wish to seperate them, lie to your friend, then find it ok for your daughter to tell this little girl not to play with them.

It's very odd behaviour and quite unpleasant.

Original poster
JoulesMrs · 10/09/2018 10:36

I felt it was important for my DD not to feel forced into playing with my ex friends DD! Surely it's fine for my DD to have her own mind??

OP posts:
user1499173618 · 10/09/2018 10:37

You are getting your come uppance for your own manipulative and exclusionary tactics.

JagerPlease · 10/09/2018 10:37

Wow, wondering if this is a reverse because surely you can't believe that you're not the unreasonable one here? You deliberately separated your daughter from her friend, then were totally OK with her excluding said friend? And god, how awful that the other mum is involved with the school and talks to people at the gates! You sound horrible

user1471451564 · 10/09/2018 10:37

It is but surely not at the expense of being deliberately mean/cruel to soneone else.

Bluntness100 · 10/09/2018 10:38

It wasn't her mind it was yours.

And why would she be forced to be friends with her, they were friends. There was no problem with the kids.

All you've done is caused your child and you to be ostracised. And what di you want the head to do? Force them to be your friend?

user1499173618 · 10/09/2018 10:38

No, it’s not OK for your DD to exclude other children at school. Where the hell did you learn to be so mean?

Original poster
JoulesMrs · 10/09/2018 10:38

Exclusionary tactics?! That is what my ex friend is doing to me, she's made it so that I'm stood on my own at the gates which is unpleasant and uncomfortable

OP posts:
user1471451564 · 10/09/2018 10:39

As in it is fine for your daughter to play with who she wants.

Rainbowtrees · 10/09/2018 10:39

You and then your DD excluded the other girl, now you understand how she felt.

MadameButterface · 10/09/2018 10:39

your dd excluded this other child

surely it's fine for the other mums and their children to not 'feel forced' into being friends with her or you now?

although I do feel a bit sorry for your dd, your own poor social skills have now impacted on her, which is a shame.

user1471451564 · 10/09/2018 10:40

...but not at the expense of others feelings. (God i need to go to bed earlier). You reap what you sow i'm afraid.

TheHulksPurplePanties · 10/09/2018 10:40

Karma's a bitch.

ThreeAnkleBiters · 10/09/2018 10:40

From your description though it doesn't sound like DD felt forced into playing with the other DD they were just good friends.At least from what you've written it seems very odd you went out of your way to separate them (I could have understood if you'd encouraged other friendships too).

I don't really see what the other mum has done wrong. From your description it;s you who feels uncomfortable approaching the other mums because she's there - no one is excluding you. I can totally understand why she was upset - although perhaps she went OTT.

Original poster
JoulesMrs · 10/09/2018 10:40

She wasn't excluding her, she was just asking her not to play with her and this other girl. She wasn't nasty about it!

OP posts:
HoppingPavlova · 10/09/2018 10:40

It’s one of those what goes around comes around scenario’s.

Bluntness100 · 10/09/2018 10:40

Well at least you know how it feels now.

Quite right too, I wouldn't want anything to do with you, why are you using your child to manipulate your own friendships.

I'm struggling to believe this is real. No one is this unreasonable.

Lalliella · 10/09/2018 10:41

You thought it was fine for that little girl to be excluded, now you’re complaining that the same is happening to you? Karma. Except that you’re an adult. Grow up.

puzzledlady · 10/09/2018 10:41

...... but you think she’s doing something different to you when YOU excluded her DD? Karma is a bitch.

Bluntness100 · 10/09/2018 10:41

She wasn't excluding her, she was just asking her not to play with her and this other girl. She wasn't nasty about it!

Well neither are the mums. They just don't want to play with you.

ErictheGuineaPig · 10/09/2018 10:42

Are you being deliberately excluded though? Or do you just feel awkward about approaching the other mums because you don't get on with one of them? It sounds like an awkward situation but nothing like bullying from what you've written.

MadameButterface · 10/09/2018 10:42

no one's 'being nasty' to you either op, they're simply not inviting your dd round, or talking to you. either declining interaction is bullying or it isn't. pick one.

Bambamber · 10/09/2018 10:43

Serves you right! Now you know how it feels

Original poster
JoulesMrs · 10/09/2018 10:43

My DD has always been very timid and shy. As she spent so much time with my ex friends DD in was worried that when she started school she would make no effort to make new friends. I also felt that my friends DD was possessive of her and that is not healthy for a friendship

OP posts:
Smellyoulateralligator · 10/09/2018 10:43

This sounds really petty and I can understand why other parents may be wary of getting involved with you. If school gate friendships so important to you you can always move your daughter Hmm.

I think the last thing you should do is involve the head. Keep your head down, avoid drama and it should all blow over.