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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel bullied?

358 replies

JoulesMrs · 10/09/2018 10:32

Name changed in case the mums are on here, long back story so bare with me.

When my DD was at nursery she was inseparable from another girl. As a result of this I became very good friends with the girls mother. We used to meet each other socially and text each other virtually everyday. As they were approaching reception age I felt that my DD shouldn't be so reliant on this girl so I asked the nursery to change their days so they weren't together. I told the mum it was due to my work so as not to hurt her feelings. My DD then became friends with a girl who was also friends with my friends DD.

The problem came when the girls all started school as my DD then didn't want to play with my friends DD. My friends DD had some tantrums at school because my DD asked her not to play with her and their mutual friend. My friend then approached me to say her DD had come home from school upset and asked what was going on. I let slip about separating them at nursery and she went mad, accusing me of lying (OTT) and since then we haven't spoken.

I then became really good friends with the mum of the mutual friend to the girls. We started going for coffee and meeting at the school gates. My ex friend then started getting upset accusing us of talking about her and to be honest it ruined my DD's first year at school.

They are now in their second year and the mum of the mutual friend decided to move her DD to another school. My ex friend is what I call a PTA mum. She's involved with everything to do with the school and she's all up the other mum's asses, talking to them at the gates etc.

I now find myself stood alone at the gates because I can't join in conversations with the other mum's as she is there. My DD doesn't have many friends and I've tried inviting children back for tea but never get an invite back.

AIBU to speak to the head that I feel bullied and excluded?

OP posts:
Meralia · 11/09/2018 09:47

I think the best thing to do in this situation is apologise to your ex friend.

I think you need to acknowledge that you have behaved really badly with this situation, own it and start trying to build some bridges. I think you owe your ex friend that if nothing else.

Just out of interest, why did you think separating the kids would benefit your Dd? And your dd telling your ex friends daughter to not play with her and a mutual friend is really sad. This happened to me at school, and it isn’t nice being in the receiving end. Eventually they just cancelled me out.

Hope it all goes ok.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 11/09/2018 09:48

Sorry op but I do agree that you are excluding this little girl. Which does come under bullying. Their little friendship was going fine. It wasn't broken down why did you feel fix it. Was this child not posh enough or have the wrong name or something. If was that little girls mum I'd be peeved too. You can't single out children like that and not expect any come back.
How would you feel if it were your little one.

Choice4567 · 11/09/2018 10:52

@JoulesMrs seeing as your AIBU was about talking to the head, I'd say yes. It'd be like complaining that your Tesco delivery was late. The headteacher doesn't have anything to do with Adults outside school

MNsplaining · 11/09/2018 10:56

Why would you speak to the head? Why would you expect her to care that you, an adult, and not a pupil of the school feel bullied? And what would you expect them to do? Talk to the Mums and tell them to talk to you?

Get a fucking grip.

Lemontart25 · 11/09/2018 11:05

Wow this is ridiculous! What on earth do you think the Head teacher will or can do?! How embarrassing. Those statements at the start of each school year are for any issues you have with the school or your child may have settling in, with work, anything school related etc NOT school gate mother drama Confused

You sound horrid & I would give you a wide berth after this if I was those parents. As others have said, karma is a bitch sometimes! At the end of the day 1st time parent is also NO excuse. I never behaved in that manner with my 1st no matter how precious they were (& still are) to me. You really need to look at yourself & stop with the 'woe is me' that you keeping replying back here. There are consequences in life & this is one. The fact you wanted & expected people to agree with you is your issue. Everybody has their own POV's & feelings & your's don't trump their's just because you now feel hard done by.

ballseditupforever · 11/09/2018 11:20

You need to change schools and start again for your dd's sake. You have exposed yourself as a manipulative bully and are being given a wide berth. Try and be nice next time.

Figgygal · 11/09/2018 11:26

Dear me
I'm sorry for your dd but it sounds like she has focused solely on this new girl to be friends with at school and that is never a good idea. Why didn't you encourage her to make lots of friends?

Honestly I think I would move schools if the school ground relationships are that important to you you and your daughter might be better off starting somewhere else

Aspenfrost · 11/09/2018 11:28

I think you knew the response you would get from the majority of posters. I think you also knew people would pick up on the irony of you claiming to be bullied when you have, in effect, bullied this little girl yourself - by your actions.

Are you hoping to hit 1000?Hmm

Gettingbackonmyfeet · 11/09/2018 11:29

I don't have an issue about encouraging your dd to make lots of different friends or moving nursery rooms (I do think it's a tad extreme but hey ho)

However then
You basically dumped the mother and the previous friend entirely
Clearly your behaviour has taught your dd that excluding others is ok (fyi your dd asking the girl not to play with her and her friend is the bloody definition of excluding....its bullying and in now way do I blame your dd for this...your response clearly shows you taught her this...what on earth is wrong with you that you actively encourage a little girl being excluded)
Then your special friend that you approved of moved
And Karma got you and now you are whining you are being picked on?

Is that all accurate ? Yep ...reap what you sow....accept you position is untenable and if you have any level of shame teach your dd that you were wrong and teach her to include people

She doesn't have to play with anyone she doesn't like but that's a far far cry from what you have taught her

Thecrabbypatty · 11/09/2018 16:28

The part about speaking to the head is both bizarre and hilarious. I'm now imaging how the conversation might go Smile I think you are either extremely naive at best or delusional at worst. You are not a kid, you can't go running to teacher to sort out a situation that is entirely your making. Grow the fuck up, for your sake and your child's.

themuttsnutts · 11/09/2018 17:31

The head would only do something if you are being physically or verbally abused

Thecrabbypatty · 11/09/2018 17:34

themuttsnutts sorry what is it you think the head would do in that case? They are not knock off police officers or security guards? Once again I'm baffled.

AssassinatedBeauty · 11/09/2018 17:42

They could ban the abusive parent from the school grounds, if the parent has actually been abusive on the school site. Although really that's to protect children from having to witness abusive behaviour, not really just to protect the target parent.

Thecrabbypatty · 11/09/2018 17:58

School act to protect either their staff or their pupils. Parents that have been banned from school sites have usually had issues with staff and the school has a duty of care to protect their staff members, not parents. Parent to parent issues would be a civil matter to be dealt with by a solicitor or the police.

Bluntness100 · 11/09/2018 18:25

The other mums haven't been abusive to her. Not talking to her isn't abusive. If it was every single school would have most of their parents banned. 🤣

Pinotwoman82 · 11/09/2018 18:36

What do you expect the head to do about it?? Grin

themuttsnutts · 11/09/2018 18:44

Nothing. Only if she lamps her one

Nottheduchessofcambridge · 11/09/2018 18:54

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

AssassinatedBeauty · 11/09/2018 18:57

There are often stories about parents being banned from playgrounds for altercations with other parents, so I don't think it's right to say that heads would only ban parents if they had issues with staff/other children. There are loads of examples I can find from a quick internet search.

AssassinatedBeauty · 11/09/2018 18:59

Not that the parents in this case have actually been abusive, either verbally or physically. This is a simple disagreement and shifting of friendships. Nothing at all to do with school staff.

bershetmelon · 11/09/2018 19:05

Are you Katie Hopkins and this child called Chardonnay? I'm dreading when my kid starts school I mean does this shit really go on? Are people really so over invested in their children's friendships they engineer was for their kids to pal up with the ones they want to?

OP your kid was mean and rather than tell her she should include this little girl in play with their mural friend you didn't. Now people don't want to be mates with you because your 'ex-friend' has told people what you're like. I doubt very much had this new friend not moved schools you would be posting as you'd both still be too busy botching about your old friend and her child.

Don't tell the teachers on her (I can't believe you've actually considered this) the head has enough to deal with!

themuttsnutts · 11/09/2018 23:12

Most parents are bonkers. The kids are often the ones with the most senseWink

MauraIsles · 11/09/2018 23:27

Most parents would be thankful that their DC had a friend who loved spending time with them and made them happy! That's clearly not you. Referring to a Child as suffocating and deliberately driving a wedge between your poor DD and her best friend is disgusting behaviour! You should be ashamed of yourself, I genuinely feel sorry for your poor DD being forced to ignore her friend because you weren't happy - how selfish are you? And as for speaking to the head about other parents excluding you and therefore DD missing out, what exactly do you want them to do, tell the other parents off?! You need to grow up and accept that this is unfortunately down to your own actions and selfishness. It's your poor DD who I feel sorry for! Smh

SD1978 · 12/09/2018 00:09

I take it OP has never returned?

wafflyversatile · 12/09/2018 00:25

Read your own posts.

Your daughter was lucky enough to have a best friend at nursery so you changed her days.
Your daughter made another friend who was also friends with friend 1.
Your daughter didn't want to share mutual friend with friend 1. Told friend 1 not to play with them and you claim it was friend 1 who was being possessive not your daughter. You don't tell your daughter to be more kind or not to be mean to friend 1. But you think everyone else is being mean to you.

I hope your daughter manages to make more friends. It's not her fault. She's only little.

Well I'm sorry your daughter.