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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Asked to leave Gym cafe lounge for breastfeeding ?!

560 replies

Arewereallyhere · 09/09/2018 22:16

I was at the gyms lounge / cafe as we’d been for a family swim. Big mainstream private gym. DH was with me.

Baby needed a feed but there were lots of people on all the sofas, which are next to main entrance, so I went to a back bit where there were lots of empty sofas and only one lady sitting texting.
I fed baby with my back to the wall, under a blanket thing and DH was opposite me. Baby was super quiet. No crying , no squeaking, nothing.

A weird man came up to us and asked us to leave as there was an ‘adults only sign’. DH said no as the baby was being quiet and surely sign didn’t apply. Man insisted so DH told him to get staff to settle the matter. Man came back with a bloke who worked there and the staffer apologised but said we had to leave as it was adults only. I said it was ridiculous and clearly because I was breastfeeding. I pointed out that the baby was literally silent. The staffer said he appreciated I probably had wanted privacy but I couldn’t sit there.

The other seating area was a)full of people and I would have had to share a sofa to feed my baby and b) next to main entrance so in full view and I feel a bit self conscious there.

The ‘adults only’ area is right at the back so very quiet and discreet.

We left .

AIBU or are they?

OP posts:
Haireverywhere · 09/09/2018 22:54

YABU because it was adults only and if you had a well behaved child with you sounds like they would have reacted the same. You could have asked where to breastfeed.

Notveryadventurousname · 09/09/2018 22:55

The Crabby Patty The agreement related things you'very mentioned are all legal distinctons, safety related, payments due to age etc. I think these are all very different to random gyms, cafes, holiday companies etc suddenly deciding to exclude one age group of society from part of their premises to suit the prejudices of another.

SoupDragon · 09/09/2018 22:55

I'd suggest you contact the management and ask them to vary the rules to show that it's acceptable to feed babies in there, whether by breast or bottle.

Why does it have to be acceptable to feed babies In an adult only area? Not everyone wants to be around children, hence the ”adults only” area.

Botanica · 09/09/2018 22:56

Totally unreasonably and incredibly entitled.

Do you ever stop to see the world through anyone else's eyes other than your own, OP?

Same goes to posters asking why there should be such a thing as adult only spaces.

Because surely everyone in the world wants to be surrounded by babies and children every moment... Hmm

After I miscarried, these small baby and child free spaces were my saviour for a while.

It's not all about you OP...

Sandstormbrewing · 09/09/2018 22:56

LaurieMarlow but there was. She has said she didn't want to sit in the available spaces. That's a preference. There was no need for the OP to have been in adults only area.

If it were me (and I exclusively breastfed DS until he was 2.5) I'd have sat in the free spaces, next to the man reading the news paper. Or I'd have sat in the seat near the door or I'd have gone to my car, or I'd have at on the floor or I'd have fed standing up.

Thecrabbypatty · 09/09/2018 22:57

Notveryadventurousname it's a private enterprise that makes rules to suit its customers. This gym has this policy because it works for them, if you don't like it pay to go somewhere else with rules you do like. Same for adults only hotels, resorts, holidays etc.

Notveryadventurousname · 09/09/2018 22:57

'you've' ....cannot post without phone disagreeing with me tonight....time for bed! Smile

Charolais · 09/09/2018 22:57

What if someone went into labour and the baby was crowning...would the woman be asked to crawl into another section to wait for help because it was adults only area?

It ridiculous. I would have allowed a mother and baby to stay until the baby had finished his meal. People have no common sense these days. They always want to taddle-tale on other people - like children ironically.

dinosaurkisses · 09/09/2018 22:57

This is just a case of “But my baby is v cute and quiet, so obviously the clearly stated rules don’t apply to me.”

I hope no pregnant FTM read this and think it’s an example of anti-breastfeeding attitudes rather than the OP just not wanting to share a sofa with a stranger.

Eliza9917 · 09/09/2018 22:59

I would have had to share a sofa to feed my baby

And?

IHopeYouStepOnALegoPiece · 09/09/2018 23:00

Charolais of course not, how utterly ridiculous. Only her vagina would need to be in the child friendly side, her top half is most welcome to stay in the child free side

SoupDragon · 09/09/2018 23:00

What if someone went into labour and the baby was crowning...would the woman be asked to crawl into another section to wait for help because it was adults only area?

Yes, because that is exactly the same. 🙄 Don’t be ridiculous.

SoupMode · 09/09/2018 23:00

We were asked to leave a pub with our baby for the same reason. We were on holiday and had just popped in to get a soft drink and feed DD. Didn't realise it was no children type of pub.

Sandstormbrewing · 09/09/2018 23:00

Charolais would you say that if I was breastfeeding my 2.5yo who was singing wheels on the bus whilst feeding? Where do you draw the line?

Sunflowerr · 09/09/2018 23:02

@Charolais 😂😂 just a touch disingenuous and dramatic.

spugzbunny · 09/09/2018 23:02

YABU. I'm a breastfeeding mum and if I need to feed her somewhere where I might not be allowed then I'll usually ask first. For example, I was on a train with no seats so I asked the guard if he'd mind if I sat in first class for 15mins to feed. He let me sit for the rest of the journey. It's nothing to do with the feeding, would you have been allowed to sit there if baby was not feeding? If baby was a nursing toddler instead? Don't drama llama it and make the rest of us seem unreasonable

ButtonMoonLoon · 09/09/2018 23:02

Anyone else notice how the OP is only responding to and thanking those posters who have agreed with her?
Clearly the breastfeeding Is not the reason you were asked to move. If you wanted somewhere more discreet in which to breastfeed, did you not think to ask a member of staff rather than deliberately sit in an area expressly for adults only?
Those of you mentioning the use of discretion....if the OP had spoken to the staff before ignoring clear signage maybe they would have had the opportunity to find her a quiet area in which to feed.

Kintan · 09/09/2018 23:02

This is really bizarre - op are you a rep from a formula company trying to put women off breastfeeding in public?

QueenOlives · 09/09/2018 23:02

Do we know age of said baby? Assume if a family swim was had it's not a tiny newborn

cherish123 · 09/09/2018 23:02

Is alcohol served in the cafe? If so, it may be that legally kids are not allowed there.

WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue · 09/09/2018 23:03

YWBVVVU. You weren’t asked to leave because you were breastfeeding (please don’t pretend that’s the case), you were asked to leave because you had a non-adult in an adult only area.

Whether or not said non-adult was silent or noisy is irrelevant; they weren’t allowed to be there, but you decided the rules didn’t apply to you and were thankfully told otherwise.

Why bother posting if you didn’t think you were being unreasonable, OP?

Travis1 · 09/09/2018 23:05

Yabu, adults only is adults only, not adults only unless you decide otherwise op 🙄

greendale17 · 09/09/2018 23:05

The two areas are side by side . There is not even a door between them. It it literally two lots of sofas side by side

^On that information YANBU.

mouthkisses · 09/09/2018 23:05

The OP wanted privacy to feed her baby. Understandable.

She implies she didn't know it was adults only before she started to feed her baby. When alerted to it, they ask to finish the feed. They are told to move.

I don't get the anger. She really really isn't being unreasonable.

bluemoonchances · 09/09/2018 23:06

EXACTLY @Botanica !!