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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Asked to leave Gym cafe lounge for breastfeeding ?!

560 replies

Arewereallyhere · 09/09/2018 22:16

I was at the gyms lounge / cafe as we’d been for a family swim. Big mainstream private gym. DH was with me.

Baby needed a feed but there were lots of people on all the sofas, which are next to main entrance, so I went to a back bit where there were lots of empty sofas and only one lady sitting texting.
I fed baby with my back to the wall, under a blanket thing and DH was opposite me. Baby was super quiet. No crying , no squeaking, nothing.

A weird man came up to us and asked us to leave as there was an ‘adults only sign’. DH said no as the baby was being quiet and surely sign didn’t apply. Man insisted so DH told him to get staff to settle the matter. Man came back with a bloke who worked there and the staffer apologised but said we had to leave as it was adults only. I said it was ridiculous and clearly because I was breastfeeding. I pointed out that the baby was literally silent. The staffer said he appreciated I probably had wanted privacy but I couldn’t sit there.

The other seating area was a)full of people and I would have had to share a sofa to feed my baby and b) next to main entrance so in full view and I feel a bit self conscious there.

The ‘adults only’ area is right at the back so very quiet and discreet.

We left .

AIBU or are they?

OP posts:
bluemoonchances · 09/09/2018 22:44

I was about to say exactly that @QueenOlives why do people post in AIBU and then refuse to accept that the majority think they were BU.

OP the fact that you don't get it makes you sound entitled. If I'd had been there I would have been sitting in the adult area for the soul purpose of avoiding children, especially babies (as I do whenever I can) so I would have found your (quiet) baby very annoying as it shouldn't have been there.

mouthkisses · 09/09/2018 22:45

@GreenMeerkat Well done. But OP wanted some level of privacy to feed her baby. And my opinion is age should have been allowed that.

I hope the man was oblivious to her breastfeeding rather than being a dick.

Notveryadventurousname · 09/09/2018 22:45

Likewise.... not sure what is wrong with babies and buggies in any area. All humans/members of society and I'd rather sit next to a table with a toddler and family at it than next to some of the loud or boastful conversations between adults at David Lloyd or wherever. Not trying to be devils advocate herr, just have never understood the prejudice and why it is condoned. So in my view, breastfeeding or not, YANBU

LaurieMarlow · 09/09/2018 22:45

and the other area was full

In that case YADNBU. Your baby needed to be fed, people should learn to use their common sense.

Lazypuppy · 09/09/2018 22:45

@AllesAusLiebe

LaurieMarlow they shouldn’t need an adults only section, it’s a Gym ffs.

It's unlikely to be just a gym, there's probably a pool.there as well which is why there are kids there. Also, at my gym there's kids of 12/13 using the gym

PrimalLass · 09/09/2018 22:46

I can't understand why they need an adult only zone in a gym but can only imagine it's so noisy running around children aren't disturbing other patrons

David Lloyd restaurants can be more like soft play centres at the weekend. The adult members should be able to use the facilities they are paying for too.

Notveryadventurousname · 09/09/2018 22:46

here, not 'herr'...sorry!

Momo27 · 09/09/2018 22:46

So you don’t want to bf in your car, but neither do you want to bf in the area where you were perfectly entitled to? You just wanted to bf in the one specific adults only area?
So you could come and moan on here or even better run to the tabloids?

Get a grip. I was an avid breastfeeder, but could still get my head around the fact that certain areas are adult only.

ButchyRestingFace · 09/09/2018 22:46

hey shouldn’t need an adults only section, it’s a Gym ffs

They’ve chosen to put one in. Clearly there is some demand for it. Clearly people are using it

Too fecking right! A child free gym and staff that actually enforce the rules.

Where do I sign up???

LaurieMarlow · 09/09/2018 22:47

but neither do you want to bf in the area where you were perfectly entitled to?

She just said it was full.

TheTroublesomestTribble · 09/09/2018 22:47

Doesn't the law actually state that you must be allowed to breastfeed anywhere you can take your baby?

You can't take the baby into an adults only area, therefore you can't breastfeed in there either.

I'm a mother who has breastfed her own DCs and yes, I would have asked you to move if I saw you in the adults only area with a baby.

The breastfeeding angle is a red herring.

Kochicoo · 09/09/2018 22:47

As others have said, I don't know why you posted in AIBU. The majority of posters think you were but you clearly don't think you were! What was the point?

flumpybear · 09/09/2018 22:48

For goodness sake it wasnt about BF. When i go to the gym and want a coffee or snack etc I want ZERO KIDS of any shape or size, usually my beloved, yet loud crazy kids are home with dad and I need that bloody peace and quiet, time to get away from the fucking mental-ness of home -
Yes perhaps you want a quiet place but your baby can easily and quickly get
Fussy and create ... just do as asked - there are people out there trying to escape the crazy world of kids ... don't need you rocking up with your 'I'm bf' shit - go to the family area and share a bloody sofa ffs! Get on with it

LaurieMarlow · 09/09/2018 22:49

If there is nowhere for her to sit in the child friendly area, what do you think she should do then?

dinosaurkisses · 09/09/2018 22:49

i can see from the man’s POV to be honest- he pays for a gun which offers as part of it’s facilities an adult only area.

If that facility was something that really appealed to me, I’d be very wary of someone bringing a small child in on the basis that it might become a regular habit for them, and then other users could reasonably think “Oh well it says adults only, but that family are in there with their baby, I might as well bring my hyper toddler in as well.”

bluemoonchances · 09/09/2018 22:50

@LaurieMarlow in her OP she said it was busy not full, and regardless, it was the adult only section.

Lazypuppy · 09/09/2018 22:51

@LaurieMarlow there was!! She said she could've shared a sofa but didn't want to.

I'd have just fed standing up if there was no seat, or plonked myself down on the floor against a wall or something with my coffee and cake if it was really so budy there was no where to sit.

ethelfleda · 09/09/2018 22:51

If there is nowhere for her to sit in the child friendly area, what do you think she should do then?

There was. She didn’t want to sit there.

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 09/09/2018 22:52

The area was full, go to a changing room. If one person is permitted in with a child then others will follow, believe me, even people with DCs like to be in adult only zones occasionally. When your LO is older you will appreciate this, you are still in the new Mum zone, which is wonderful but can make you appear a little entitled.

SoupDragon · 09/09/2018 22:52

Yeah, you were asked to move because you had a child in the adult area. The staff member even said that. Shop making it out to be something it isn’t.

ethelfleda · 09/09/2018 22:52

I would have say anywhere I could... other than the one place in the gym that’s adult only!
I probably would have gone and fed in the car.

Momo27 · 09/09/2018 22:53

The unrestricted area was not full. She said she could have shared a sofa but didn’t want to.

Gersemi · 09/09/2018 22:53

I can't see why they couldn't have used some discretion. Clearly it's not a popular facility given that it was much emptier than the other section, and the purpose of the rule is presumably to allow for somewhere to sit where there won't be small children running around. It can't be for the purposes of providing a quiet area, given that it's so close to the other area which could be full of screaming children at any given time.

I'd suggest you contact the management and ask them to vary the rules to show that it's acceptable to feed babies in there, whether by breast or bottle.

Thecrabbypatty · 09/09/2018 22:53

OP said she didn't want to bump elbows with a man on the sofa next to her and didn't want to sit in the family area because she felt self conscious. The family area wasn't full, she just didn't want to sit there.

TheFairyCaravan · 09/09/2018 22:54

YABU Adults only means just that. It was nothing to do with you breastfeeding.

THere was an adults only area in one of the restaurants in a hotel we stayed in once, yet every night a couple brought their baby in in a pram, and every night it would start screaming. It pissed me right off.

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