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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Asked to leave Gym cafe lounge for breastfeeding ?!

560 replies

Arewereallyhere · 09/09/2018 22:16

I was at the gyms lounge / cafe as we’d been for a family swim. Big mainstream private gym. DH was with me.

Baby needed a feed but there were lots of people on all the sofas, which are next to main entrance, so I went to a back bit where there were lots of empty sofas and only one lady sitting texting.
I fed baby with my back to the wall, under a blanket thing and DH was opposite me. Baby was super quiet. No crying , no squeaking, nothing.

A weird man came up to us and asked us to leave as there was an ‘adults only sign’. DH said no as the baby was being quiet and surely sign didn’t apply. Man insisted so DH told him to get staff to settle the matter. Man came back with a bloke who worked there and the staffer apologised but said we had to leave as it was adults only. I said it was ridiculous and clearly because I was breastfeeding. I pointed out that the baby was literally silent. The staffer said he appreciated I probably had wanted privacy but I couldn’t sit there.

The other seating area was a)full of people and I would have had to share a sofa to feed my baby and b) next to main entrance so in full view and I feel a bit self conscious there.

The ‘adults only’ area is right at the back so very quiet and discreet.

We left .

AIBU or are they?

OP posts:
Notveryadventurousname · 09/09/2018 23:06

Thanks Crabby. I'm not really thinking about me and what I do and don't like though. Just about why it seems ok to discriminate on age grounds towards children but not towards any other group. Safety or licensing apart, I think this is discrimination - but as you say, maybe it is not applicable to private premises. I will do a bit of research when I get time.

HonestReally · 09/09/2018 23:07

Sorry OP, but it’s another YWBU.

I know the employee must have seemed a bit job-worth to you but I wonder if he thought that if he made an exception for you then the other people in the crowded family area would ask if they could sit in the adults only area too.

Blondeshavemorefun · 09/09/2018 23:07

If you fed your baby under a blanket thing , then your boobs wouldn’t be on display so no need to feel Awkward on the other shared sofa

Don’t sit in an adult only area with a child and then complain
You get moved

londonrach · 09/09/2018 23:08

Yabu. Adult only...no children end of story. I bet place has no insurance forchildren.

Original poster
Arewereallyhere · 09/09/2018 23:09

As it was an event that made me very self conscious and I’m not naturally a confident breastfeeder, I posted here to get all views. Thank you to those who have posted .
I am a bit surprised people feel strongly enough to try to be insulting and that is a shame. It’s hard enough having kids without women getting each other down but as I said, thank you to all those who responded .

OP posts:
LyndorCake · 09/09/2018 23:09

Am I the only one who was able to stand while feeding? At times when I couldn't find a seat in an appropriate place I would either stand or find a safe spot on the floor. Millions of mum's BF and manage to do it without going into adult only areas.
BF your child does not give you a free pass to do whatever the hell you want. You have a legal right to BF your child wherever you legally can. This does not include adult only areas.

Sandstormbrewing · 09/09/2018 23:10

Notveryadventurousname it isn't illegal, night clubs often have an over 25s area, nothing to do with licencing, just preference for some of their customers. Same with soft play, they often have an under 4s or toddler area, nothing legally required there, just an area more suited to younger children and staff can ask older ones to leave.

I don't see the issue with adult only spaces, I quite like them. And I'm a mum.

Original poster
Arewereallyhere · 09/09/2018 23:10

Just as a ‘good to know’ the law is fairly clear that it is illegal to stop women from breastfeeding or ask them to move. www.maternityaction.org.uk/advice-2/mums-dads-scenarios/6-breastfeeding-rights/breastfeeding-in-public-places/

OP posts:
mouthkisses · 09/09/2018 23:11

@Notveryadventurousname I've approached the Equality Commission (NI) before about something similar I saw in a restaurant. In that case it was legal because they could claim licensing issues, but this case would be interesting to hear.

I completely agree with you. I can accept 'quiet' spaces, but to ban a section of society is something different.

Sandstormbrewing · 09/09/2018 23:13

LyndorCake I could feed mine walking around too. I never got it when my friends needed to find somewhere to sit or whatever to feed. I'd literally feed anywhere I legally could, anyway it was possible. Much better than having to listen to DS scream until I could find a seat! Bit of needs must spurring me on I think!

Gersemi · 09/09/2018 23:13

Why does it have to be acceptable to feed babies In an adult only area? Not everyone wants to be around children, hence the ”adults only” area.

When OP went there, there was only one other person there who didn't object. Realistically, would anyone else on this thread? And I think we can all work out the difference between a mobile child and a feeding or sleeping baby in terms of the impact on other people.

This gym has this policy because it works for them,

Not really, if the vast majority of their customers were in the other area.

NicoAndTheNiners · 09/09/2018 23:13

My gym has an adult only area in the cafe lounge. It’s one of the major selling points for me. Small area, the majority of the lounge kids are allowed. And at weekends there’s kids running amok fairly frequently in the main bit, it’s certainly not peaceful.

I always lunch in the adult area and yes I’d be pissed off with a baby in the adult area. It’s ok saying baby was quiet, but it’s a baby. At some point it’s not going to be quiet.

CiderBrains · 09/09/2018 23:14

"It ridiculous. I would have allowed a mother and baby to stay until the baby had finished his meal. People have no common sense these days. They always want to taddle-tale on other people - like children ironically."

So if it had been a mother and her extremely quiet 3 year old eating his sandwiches would you expect the staff to allow the mother and child to stay until he had "finished his meal?" Or is that different I suppose when actually it's the same thing? Hmm

Aspenfrost · 09/09/2018 23:15

It was an adults only area. Your baby is not an adult ergo they were within their rights to object.

Sandstormbrewing · 09/09/2018 23:15

Arewereallyhere but that doesn't apply to certain places, sucha s adult only areas. For example, you could be asked to leave a pub whilst breastfeeding because they don't allow under 18s in under the terms of their licence. And you can't breastfeed in a food preparation area, such as a the cooking area of cadburys factory.

rainbowsandsmiles · 09/09/2018 23:15

Haven't read all the comments, but it's got nothing to DO with a breastfeeding issue, but the fact that you took a child into an adults only room and facility.
So what if "baby was being super quiet?" That doesn't mean they should bend the rules for you. It said no children.
He wasn't being U.
YOU were.

NicoAndTheNiners · 09/09/2018 23:16

This gym has this policy because it works for them,

Not really, if the vast majority of their customers were in the other area.

The vast majority of customers were probably in the other area because the vast majority probably had kids. I imagine the gym is David Lloyd because it’s the only mainstream gym I know which has adult areas. At a weekend the majority of people in the lounge are families with kids. DL is very family orientated with swimming lessons, crèche, kids club. Doesn’t mean that the minority of childless people like myself don’t appreciate an area away from the kids.

HostessTrolley · 09/09/2018 23:18

There is call for an adults only area in the cafe at my local gym (DL, just out of interest) partly because of how the parents of young children often behave. The majority of the cafe is for anyone to use, but there is a dedicated area for kids with play equipment and computer things, and an adult only bit at the other end. In the main area there are often young kids running up and down shouting and getting under people’s feet (bearing in mind they are often carrying hot drinks and food) or throwing/smearing food around, while the parents either carry on chatting, or ignore it because they’re on their phone, or just smile indulgently in between rounds of performance parenting. Not everyone who pays for membership wants to peel peas off their trousers or hear how utterly thrilling little Jonty is.

I’m quite chilled, most days I sit with my coffee and am bemused by the unsolicited eye contact with the woman counting chicken nuggets in French. I woundn’t be bothered if I was in the adult area (I don’t sit there because it tends to be cold) and someone was breastfeeding. I would imagine that the staff wouldn’t be bothered at all, but if a member made a complaint then the staff would probably have to stick to the ‘letter of the law’ and insist that the adults area was left for adults. If that member chose to put in a complaint on the feedback iPads at the exit it would adversely affect the clubs ‘figures’, which I’m told the managers are obsessed with..

Sandstormbrewing · 09/09/2018 23:18

Gersemi actually, if I'd seen the OP siting down with her baby I'd have said, 'excuse me, this is adults only'.

bluemoonchances · 09/09/2018 23:21

@Arewereallyhere I can believe that you just Wrote "it's hard enough having kids" when 2 posters have pointed out that they like the adult only area because of their fertility struggles and use them to avoid being around babies!

You are super self involved and entitled. The world doesn't revolve around you and your right to breast feed wherever you like. Even if the law says you can't be moved, try thinking of other people apart from yourself in the first place. That's the real issue here.

caroloro · 09/09/2018 23:22

I don't think YABU to be annoyed
I do think YABU to have broken the rules
I don't think it was unreasonable to ask you to move
It does sound like they could have been more diplomatic about it
I do think the man the reported you was being an arsehole
I feel sorry for the poor member of gym staff who had to ask you to move
I feel sorry for you for the embarassment and outrage it seems you felt

I do think YABU for a misleading post title...this is nothing to do with breastfeeding!

CrossFlannelCherry · 09/09/2018 23:22

@Gersemi "When OP went there, there was only one other person there who didn't object. Realistically, would anyone else on this thread? " Erm wrong, it clearly states in the original post that a male customer objected and brought over a member of staff. If it's an adults only area the male customer had every right to complain. I assume you joined the gym knowing the terms and conditions of membership?

Sandstormbrewing · 09/09/2018 23:23

And OP the key point in the equality act is "that it is discrimination to treat a woman unfavorably because she is breastfeeding" they didn't treat you unfavorably because you were breastfeeding, they treated you exactly the same as they would a woman with a child who was not breastfeeding. That is the important distinction.

ferrier · 09/09/2018 23:25

I wouldn't be going back there.

NicoAndTheNiners · 09/09/2018 23:26

hostess. Wonder if we’re at the same DL. The worst parenting and the worst behaved kids I ever see is at the gym. Noisy, bratty kids and as for the loud performance parenting! Grin

Obviously some kids are lovely but there’s a significant proportion which make the main area unpleasant.

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